Month: April 2023

did NOT make wordle this morning

That was sad. I mean I was actually upset for a moment. Two top fives in Lumosity, 1189 words on the fanfic. Coffee has been consumed, the day has begun.

Confirmed that we’ll be at Barry and Jackie’s overnight after Jim’s memorial. It conflicts with a Bahá’í festival but that’s just our luck – everything always happens on the same day.

SCORE! the weed joint had Trainwreck. I named a fanfic after the strain before I’d even gotten to try it but the weed sommeliers were not lying – absolute gem of a strain – calm blissful body buzz and zero anxiety.

Today I’m going to try to do health oriented things, get some letters in the mail, call a couple of friends, do some more sorting for the yard sale – matters of that nature. I can be upset or I can try to make progress and they don’t usually go together.

Charge your devices! Natural and infrastructure disasters are always only a tick of the clock away!

DeSantis threatening to build ‘another theme park’ to compete with Disney is extremely funny since as far as I know the only two documents he has any interest in are the Bible and the Constitution and neither of them have any fuckin’ IP. What’s he gonna do, ask Veggie Tales to put up the money?

Today’s Trotsky Tuesday guest is Alexander Berkman, who for a long while was Emma Goldman’s sweetie.

shopping today

Very irritating, we are waiting on the Heavy Launch but it’s been delayed so we’ll probably miss it live because we have to go shopping. LAUNCH SCRUBBED according to Jeff.

I had a good night of sleep and I don’t feel quite so wretched and hopeless.

Wordle in 5, one top 5 and one best of in Lumosity and no writing as yet today.

Everybody have a good day!

daily report

Wordle in three, Lumosity scores tanking continues, dishes washed and put away, load of laundry currently drying, and 450 words on the new fan fic.

NO FUCKING COFFEE AT CHURCH THIS AM. Do I really need to say anything else? Although to see Rev. Brian Kiely in the pulpit after so long an interval was truly wonderful for me. Keith and I had quite a conversation driving home (we bailed on the congregational financial discussion). I’m still ringing with it and will process in due course. I donned: Bra, <— this is for my mOm, I don’t care what anyone else thinks and I’m laughing as I type this <— Hanes “Leaky Girl” absorbent knickers (cause I don’t want to laugh nervously and…. widdle) lavender hose, Dayglo lime baby Grogu earrings, midi length maroon dress, mandolin pin, slicked back hair.

Still fucked up about the family meeting. I’m so sad and scattered about it. And it’s 450 bucks to rent a storage space. I shouldn’t put my name on the lease but I’ll need it myself soon enough.

HOWEVER that said Jeff is being encouraging and rational (always a superb combination when one is woff-wobbling.) Life proceeds and there are still yuks to be had and thoughts to be thunk, and I’m comfy as these things go. Keith wanted me to go back with him and I’m NO I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I’LL BE THIS COMFY I WANT MY COMPUTER AND MY TEACUP AND MY PRETENCE AT NORMALCY and damn but that stung. Also, like I keep saying, there’s no heat in their all concrete building so…. it’s a freaking meat locker. Ryker would have been there but I was already peopled out.

later

Still feel gross. I am sure this is all psychological. I sure don’t feel like eating.

 

Murphy

In other news, Murphy the male bald eagle who wanted to be a DAD SO MUCH that he incubated a rock, has been given a (sadly) orphaned eaglet and he is a) feeding him and b) bonding with him, and it’s actually one of the few things giving me hope right now. How oft we struggle to be what we truly are.

In other news, an extremely endangered hellbender that was raised in a reintroduction facility has fathered a new generation (he was tagged before he was released into the wild). The scientists involved in the project are gleeful and so am I, for them, to have evidence that hellbenders raised by humans can be successfully reintroduced.

In other news I am going to try really hard to have a good day. Off to church with Keith this morning; perhaps today’s the day I’ll be able to restrain myself from verbally assaulting someone who’s harmless.

In other news Renaissance Books is for sale – it’s been a fixture in my neighbourhood since I moved here and I don’t imagine it will survive – they may have trouble selling it. I couldn’t find anything I wanted when I was in there last (it’s right next door to the Bohemian) so I bought two very pretty cards and I’m going to send them to my mOm and my ontie, with a letter inside.

In other news This Is What It’s Like to look for an apartment. LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING PRICES.

rents

I am still recovering from the family meeting yesterday. The drop dead date is they have to be out by 1 August BUT there’s no formal paperwork from Brian the landpeer yet. Neither of the downstairs tenants are apparently being evicted. The hot water heating system is still in disrepair.

I have never seen Keith this low and Paul is doing his best to stay positive by not really engaging all that much. They can’t afford housing unless they live together and I don’t think it would be good for either of them. Keith is under the impression that wherever he ends up he’ll be able to afford running a car.

I don’t really think that will be possible and it’s just horrible. Everything Keith has managed to accomplish in his life is being clawed away from him by the economy and his disabilities.

Rents have gone up 15 to 30 percent in a single year in Burnaby. They’ve been offered temporary refuge here IF THEY CAN’T FIND SOMETHING ELSE but it will have to be very temporary as Jeff is not keen to live with both strapping guys in this tiny house when Jeff and I have matching schedules for sleep and they REALLY DO NOT. To say that I am not keen on living with them either is one way of putting it. Paul was a hard man to live with for a long time before I left him and Keith, although he’s nice as pie to me these days, can be waspish. Not saying I can’t, just that I really want them to find their own place and I feel like I can’t get off this train and there’s a stench of inevitability in there with the class war and tough family dynamic and I feel ineffectual and without hope.

At the meeting yesterday we took a little break and Keith said that Paul couldn’t read the words on his computer screen.

I’m sad.

I’m renting a storage space for July 1. That’s another $450 people, and we have to pay it because we don’t have stable housing for our family, and if the furnace quits I’ll be using it too.

I am still here

wordle in 3 a few lousy words Lumosity terrible again for three of them but the other two were a top score and a top five…. just don’t ask me to do any filing today unless it’s the trash.

My seasonal allergies are ridiculous right now (for me – it would be hardly noticeable for other people but my nose is being stupid and I can’t stop sneezing).

I support trans people, their existence, their rights and their happiness. Those who wish to outlaw and harass them are fascists, and they are numerous across the planet.

I am also against wanton snail murder

that is all

In the grand theatre of perception who’s playing god

Don’t act like it’s God’s job to hate; to this atheist that all looks wrong. It’s not God’s job to hate! It’s God’s essence to be BIG. Bigger than our categories, our lusts and spites and thefts. Big enough to get us comfortable with how some things were, are, and will be, big. God always cozies up to physics and mathematics! They’re some of the few other essences rolling about the universe that are big enough to be decent company.

Calm

Helped Suzanne clip Lucky’s claws. LUCKY IS AN AWESOME CAT. He has all catly features AND HE FETCHES HIS STRAWBERRY most assiduously. She has a lovely large airy apartment just off Kingsway, really close to where Mike lives.

On the obverse of the coin of like, Dave D’s Mookie is poorly in a number of ways although he’s still drinking and will be going to the vet next week. I spoke to Dave yesterday and on top of his current challenges (temperature outside changing 35 degrees C in a single day not being one of them but WOOF it got hot after the deep freeze, got to 29 degrees above yesterday in TO, August will be scorching!) this is going to press him until it’s sorted out.

D Roti Shak for supper and now, after I make coffee, breakfast. Their aloo IS SO GOOD.

Wordle in 3, 1 top 5 in Lumosity, a few little words, but mostly I watched TV and kept to myself yesterday after I got back from Suzanne’s. Called Katie to tell her I love her and what stuff her dad got rid of.

 

did I mention I wrote 850 words yesterday

Wordle in 4, Lumosity PICTURE A RUSSIAN TANK IN EASTERN UKRAINE, 850 words yesterday and today I make a village by visiting Suzanne and trimming her cats’ claws with her. I ran the dishwasher yesterday and haven’t emptied it yet; but I did completely put away my laundry and my floor remains pristine.

EVERYONE is HEREBY ORDERED to HAVE A NICE DAY.

I think today is the day I get a shot and reup my meds.

discussion of diseases

Morgellon’s, today… my response to a post

 

As someone with both the mental health and the physical promptings to end up a victim of this disease, let me tell you that there are three things that feed into this ailment:
You have to already be an anxious person, which is an easy problem to have.
You have to have sensations of insects crawling or digging in your skin, in particular locations, repetitively, which is easy to have if you’re working on diabetes or nervous system problems. One can also get it psychogenically.
You have to have little benign growths of the skin which when you pick at them seem to have filaments in them. They’re most likely keratoses of some kind.
Your anxiety makes you want to find a cause for the ‘formication’ (tactile hallucinations of insects crawling on you.) Then you start ‘really digging’ and you now are anxiously trying to get rid of your ‘bugs’.
When I’m lying in bed at night, feeling like I’m covered with crawling, biting insects, I remind myself that it isn’t real – it’s an artefact of my aging nervous system. Sometimes there’s a real insect in my bed, but they move – the places that my nervous system says I’m being bitten or crawled on DO NOT.
Please have sympathy for people with this ailment. It’s a bear to treat and it’s horrible to live with…. I have most of the symptoms but I don’t have the disease because I know I don’t have bugs.

 

 

Paul got eight bags of clothes out the door yesterday in preparation for packing. I am so proud of him I could explode. He still accused me of taking away his drivers licence and I didn’t get angry. I just walked him through what happened again and told him that he was doing the right thing.

You don’t stop loving people when they change – some people say you shouldn’t but that’s not right either. I’m having to change my behaviour and that’s okay, my parents modelled it for me. I know I’ll get downcast, upset, frustrated, sad. The work doesn’t care. And I wrote 850 words yesterday and it was glorious, and set like a pearl in the rest of my day.

apology accepted

Jeez I could have gotten this over days ago. C. has been kind enough to hear and accept my apology and did not consider my considerable display of ill temper enough to make her hate me…

Don’t know what I did to deserve this life.

Shipped off 1450 words to mOm this morning after an 850 word day, thank you very much.

The brilliant sunshine is so wonderful. I just popped the back door to let the late afternoon sun and air flush the house.

Paul took me to lunch after we took EIGHT BAGS of mostly clothes (I did a quick peruse to ensure it’s stuff he can lose) to Value Village. Next time per his specific request they’ll go to the Sally Ann at the bottom of the hill. I can’t talk him out of it, that’s fine, he’s entitled to his preferences.

better today

Although my Lumosity scores tanked. I mean really, do I have a brain at all. Wordle in 5. 281 words yesterday on TB.

I don’t spend much time talking about it on my blog, but my despair and anger over the reproductive health situation in the US is immense, and I don’t really think the republicans WANT to tank the US birth rate even more, but I think that’s what’s going to happen. It all smacks of religiosity and panic and eugenics, and I find it horrifying. Anyway, so many young women instead of using birth control will be using a gun instead – self-reports of women under 30 going for bilateral salpingectomies are skyrocketing on social media. Women are sharing the names of US doctors who will perform this no questions asked without consulting spouses…. Can’t force birth on a woman in that situation, unless you’re kidnapping her and implanting the fetuses of wealthy men, which I suppose is the next step for these fucking assholes. I’m long out of the game, but I ask you to spare a thought for the women of reproductive age in the family who are feeling all this socio-legal grinding on the pillars of their lives with more dread than I.

I don’t spend much time talking about it on my blog, but I’m still getting the occasional kudo on AO3 even though I locked down my account so it’s only available to members.

Had a really productive and helpful conversation on the phone with Keith yesterday.

I am going to drink some coffee and try to get a little more cheerful and fold my laundry.

Apparently Putin’s so desperate for actionable intelligence that he’s authorized hacking into Ukrainian coffee shops’ security cameras.  Eye…. roll….

Music tonight at Peggy’s

Not too much else going on. Today, phone calls regarding housing and storage for the kids.

Woke up this morning with my eyes stuck shut so I guess I need to be putting in drops before bed.

Wordle in 4 and I scratched my head for a LONG TIME before I got it. Lumosity one top five score, one best ever score.

About ten words of writing on TB, reviewed some other projects without adding to them. A kudo for a recent story last night, which was pleasant.