Colonialism rant

The crowning achievement of colonialism is how it has tapped into the human genome to recycle itself. The finely woven threads, the self-repairing structures of racism and sexism, fear of the other, the urge to destroy that which is experienced as diseased and loathsome, they all belong to colonialism, which I am now going to conflate with the human tendency to devalue other human beings based on feelings of disgust rather than facts. Now science brings us the truth behind the experience of conservatism, that it is based in physical disgust.

This disgust results in things as various as the relentless offering of young men to death in warfare, and old men fighting against young women guarding their fertility as they see fit in consequence. Generation after generation of old powerful men, in whatever culture and of whatever colour, offer young men into the maw of war and conquest, having dragged them from their parents’ arms and essentially from the mother’s womb. Kind people on the sidelines weep with loss as this happens generation after generation.

I have been struggling all my life with this fundamental flaw in human nature, the place where the sociability of human beings, which is quite remarkable, breaks down. Now I see it. It is in the rock-crusher of our capacity to feel deep, emotional, physical disgust that we are broken into pieces and fed into colonialism. It seems circular, and it is. There is a constant value, circulating in the human genome, of persons who feel disgust more readily, inbuilt and coiled in every cell. They will, being of a certain neurotype, congregate, and then they will amass resources and make of their disgust a common, noble reason to make war on anybody on the outside of the group.

Jesus God.

Playing catch up

Saturday I was at Mike Beach, Sunday was church, which was excellent.  Sue fetched me to and fro, and the minister gave a really excellent sermon. Last night 3.2 hours on the cpap, which makes me really happy because I skipped a night and I was wondering what was going on. I didn’t have a problem with the mask fitting but I woke up with my right eye pretty much glued shut because I forgot the Liposic.  I was hoping Katie and Alex would come to church but they didn’t make it.

Salmon, rice and cauliflower for dinner last night, which was unfortunate, because I set off the burnt offering alarm.

I had some wonderful news over the weekend but for the news to be presentable I have to do some work this morning; I’m going to go through the take-off checklist and get going on that, starting with going downstairs and getting some coffee, since it’s obvious I’m not going back to sleep.

I’ve been watching a debate between an white Jewish woman ally commentator and a black man who’s a media activist.  The woman is suffering from GCAS (Golden Child Ally Syndrome) and the man is not anything but long suffering.  As much as I love being the centre of attention and being told I’m necessary for the proper running of the world, when a person of colour is telling me about his experience I’m supposed to a) listen, b) believe him, c) leave my defensiveness at home d) consider what I’ve learned on my own time in my own space and e) not flip out on social media and encourage a bunch of sock puppet accounts to attack him to try to get him banned from various places (like what the ever loving fuck is up with that??) and jack in the box squawks about hypocrisy, intersectional privilege and ‘what are you making this all about race’ which was so fucking tone deaf I wanted to pole vault through the phone with a punch in the snoot as my opening gambit. I didn’t pile on her, but I did snark hard on a few of the more clueless sock puppets..  Now maybe it all started for me because I was married to a black man during a period when the Toronto cops were randomly shooting black guys with mental health problems (not that this disproportional bs has stopped, but that one summer was not a fun time) and maybe it’s super easy for me to be convinced I’m an SJW  because I’m essentially an evil person who’s a race traitor but my narcissism makes me think I’m an ally –  but I wish that people who are white and left wing could parse their own outrage with more intelligence and humility.  Listening won’t kill you and it’s not safe for POCs to be around you as you’re processing your feelings, since you’ll probably say something racist and not even realize it because duh intersectionality.

Read

Listen

Go away and think about it

Integrate

Reiterate

Engage when your heart is soft

 

Caution, language

Somebody commented on Miles V’s facebook page yesterday, and a mighty wrath swept over me when somebody played the #NOTALLWHITES race card.

This is how I responded.

 

As long as the cops are selectively targeting people of color upon whom to practice their monopoly on the legal use of force, I’m fucking well going to base my comments on skin color. As long as the cops don’t look like the people they police in the Interior of BC, I’m fucking well going to base my comments on skin color. As long as there are 1200 missing women of First Nations descent in my country and the Prime Minister says finding what happened to them isn’t a priority and besides the local police are handling it fine, I’m fucking well going to base my comments on skin color. As long as clueless white people hope to atomize individual cases in which white cops commit homicide, hoping to grind it up so fine it can’t be connected to the systemic racism dating back to *before* the Civil War, I’m fucking well going to base my comments on skin color.

Autumn Cat

She has found two favourite hiding places and only comes out to eat and poop.  She is NOT happy about being rehomed.  Margot is actually starting to be concerned for her.  Very odd.

Very much enjoying the Danish Swedish German coproduction The Bridge.  The slobby but effective Dane and the ice cold and effective Swede make an interesting pair.

SUPER very much enjoyed an evening of frivolous drinking with SCARY CLOWN! Yes he has made a reappearance in my life and he gave me the most excellent compliment, “I had forgotten how much fun you are.”  Happy sigh!

Posted by me on social media this morning, re getting rid of friends because of their reaction to Ferguson.

 

I have friends across the political and social spectrum. I try to love them for the life they are and not hate them for what they believe. I am not going to use political events to tell me when to cull my friendslist. I am not going to edit my reality tunnel to make it more comfortable. I am going to accept that people are irrational and irascible and afraid, and I’m going to work on my OWN racism and shine a light on where that work takes me. I can’t hate a racist into being more loving, or ignore her into being more rational. I recognize that my response is from a place of privilege because I’m white, but I believe that it’s a moral response that balances the sad truth that as a white person I know racists, and that as a white person I need to eradicate my racist thoughts, words, attitudes and beliefs. If Ferguson was your wakeup call, exactly how long have you been paying attention?

A kid with nappy hair

Once upon a time I had a chance to have a kid with nappy hair.  It was a long time ago and beside, that ex-husband is dead.  (RIP Phillip, you were one powerfully strange dude).

BUT.

I WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS TO MY KID. 

Styled, wild, fro’ed, dreaded, combed, razored.  It is not a sexualized thing, and I don’t normally publicly comment, but I love it, and when I see a really awesome do, I don’t say a damn thing.  I just feel happy.

Ancient of days

My youngest child is 26 today.  A good age to be having a first child, not too young and not too old.

I am a clueless white liberal, so I am about to rant on something, and it’s my blog, so I’m not polluting anybody else’s airspace if they don’t want to be looking this way.

Has it occurred to no-one else that Bill Cosby has arc’d out of the Republicanesque Favorable Narrative of Blackness, with his education and charm and commitment to excellence and family values, into the Vile Caricature of Hypersexualized Negritude, which scales fame to access young white women to drug and abuse? He’ll die broke.  I cheerfully predict it.  As soon as someone with a credible civil case and an appropriate legal venue appears – and the sharks, they circle even now – he’s going to go bankrupt defending himself, as he will be honor bound to do, since he is, of course, innocent.  As far as the courts are concerned, which means nothing in these parlous times.  In a way, it’s a shame for him that he didn’t go to court ten years ago.  The culture wars looked a little different back then, and he might have walked free with his fortune intact.

 

Did you ever get the feeling…

Batman and Dilbert are spying on ya?

That central Africa would like to drop out of the headlines for a while?

That Kim is Dead?

That I have the wrong hobbies?

That every time you think racism can’t stoop lower….

That you simply cannot have enough hats?

That the answer to this question is frustratingly obvious?

That even when the science is reported correctly, the language used to describe it is so 20th century centric that you want to smash the journalist into roadpaste?

Tonight I’m heading over to Mike’s place for music and mayhem of some description, hope it’s low key.

Heartsick about Ferguson

If the local people of color had decided to have a “peaceful open-carry demonstration”, news teams would show all their brains being scraped off the streets this morning while Fox “News” had a panel of white Republicans discussing “the problem of violent ghetto culture”, and you fucking know it.

A quote from a public defender I know in the US. Ferguson MO is a bad place to be human, let alone black.

Racism

My inner racist got taken for a thorough run this morning, when I received a barely literate and yet pun-enlivened email from the Taxi company subsequent to my angry complaint.

I can’t repeat it because that would be racist.  (Oh look, a really bad pun, which ties into the race of the person writing it, of which the person writing it is COMPLETELY unaware).  But the temptation to be a smart ass and recount the whole epistolary extravaganza is almost killing me.  I sent it to someone who won’t judge me, just so we can both appreciate it.  The thing about racism is that you think you’re doing a good job of fighting it and you turn out to be kidding yourself.  Again.  I’ll have to meditate on this one a good long while.

Lovely time in Victoria, I return refreshed and ready to attack the job market again.

I don’t think my dad is ever going to ask what is bothering me again though… although I’m thrilled to recount that he has now heard Lemming’s Twofer.

 

 

 

The world on the slowdown

Katie came by yesterday to cut my hair and listen to the message Keith left (so burbly!  So full of enthusiasm!  and his pa will join him soon!) so it was a brief but useful interaction.  We’re obviously still pretty sore with each other, but life f*cking well goes on.

No word count yesterday; it was a disappointing day but at least Thursday’s trip to the doc reveals me as being, yet again, a dirty great hypochondriac.  Honestly, sometimes I think the best thing about me breaking my shoulder was that there was no arguing about it.  Everyone agreed, yup, dislocated AND broken; no hypochondria there, girl.

Third series of Sherlock so wombly and disappointing that I nearly screamed with frustration.  I put my Darth Vader blankie over my head a lot.  (I bought a Darth Vader blankie for 15 bucks at the Interfilk auction at Conflikt).

Jeff took me to breakfast this morning and will be heading out to work at a couple of customers later.  I hope I quit coughing long enough to do something useful, like make word count, or rehearse, or do laundry.

Racism workshop two Wednesday afternoons hence at my place.  It will be a corker.

I need some tea.

 

 

They just sang this in England, at the filk convention there.  http://www.leafpress.ca/Mondays_Poems_2013/Chris_Hadfield/Is-Somebody-Singing.htm

Happy sigh.

They warned me

They told me what would happen.  I started following racism eradication activists on twitter, and they told me, down to the last squeak of privilege and bleat of illogic and roar of cognitive bias and growl of hatred and whine of misdirection and concussive threat of personal violence and siren of tone policing, exactly what would happen to me when I started confronting racist speech in others, in public.  In a three round conversation, I got it all but the threat of violence, including how the other person’s spelling and grammar devolved as (I assume from the name) he completely lost his shit.

I’ve spent a lifetime avoiding conflict and trying to talk pretty; this is going to make the friendships I have with people who want to help me with the work even more important.  It already IS ugly.  Up until this point I’ve had no skin in the game.  That’s what privilege does.  Now I want to have skin in the game without getting my feelings hurt, and that’s just not going to happen, and I have to get over it, and I’m scared.

One of the things that is helping is learning about the Japanese-American and African-American troops as they served their country fighting in the Second World War.  They wanted to prove two things, their patriotism and their worth. Many made the ultimate sacrifice to demonstrate both.  As they fought in their campaigns, they encountered the worst of what human beings can do to each other, and helped destroy the engines of fascism and racism, although they could not eradicate those ideologies.  With their sacrifice in mind, I will get off my ass; I will quit whining; I will do the work.

god, libertarians suck

my response to two of them

 

You fellas are adorable.

When the first peoples came to Turtle Island, there was nobody to conquer. (Although the megafauna, were they still around and sentient, might object most strenuously to that categorization). They spread out, established territories, and sure, fought among themselves as people do when displaced by climate change and natural disaster, but they established collective lands and for the most part respected those lands with natural boundaries and traded like mad. (Although modern Haidas laugh and say that their name comes from the other tribes yelling Hide Us! when they saw those fricking war canoes….) The notion of federation was borrowed and improved upon (arguably, but not by me) and codified by the descendants of the people who kicked the Haudenosaunee off their lands by right of conquest. Except that they made treaties and broke them for convenience, for racism, in the name of the conqueror god, & for capitalism.

In the end the land will reclaim the settlers. Without collective care of the land we’re all going to die horribly as capitalism dirties and endangers every creature now alive. Private property rights are a wonderful idea, but they are unenforceable and serve crony capitalism by atomizing opposition. Those rights will be less and less enforceable as time goes by unless you bare your ass to whoever controls the legal (or otherwise) monopoly on the use of force.

When your government can rain death down on you unopposed from 20000 feet up if you annoy the people at the joysticks, I hope your spirited defense of property rights shields you and your children.

I belong to a collective of like minded people who are working our way back to food safety and security, as well as shared land. When I’m done I’ll be working less than 30 hours a week to feed myself and our animals, have the comfort and security of family and friends around me, I’ll have access to light and power and musical instruments, and private property rights will be ideological road kill on a highway long since grown over by bushes and weeds. Using scare tactics about shared land, rather than educating yourself about where it exists and where it is working (because you’re right about it not working, often, but do not really understand why, and shoot yourself in the foot by not seeing where it IS working), is in my view inertia masking fear. Private property is for people who already have something and are FRIGHTENED of losing it.

But like fiat currency, marriage traditions, organized religion and tailgate parties, private property is a social convention, not an absolute right, pace Bastiat and all of his heirs. My only absolute right is my person and the tools of my trade or trades, and they are not rights I may individually enforce. Everything else re property is a stake through the heart of my connectedness to other people, which can, and should trump my right to sit on any dunghill, be it shit or gold, and crow that I am wiser and better, for I have something to lose, and need never think of who died or was injured for me to acquire it. The concentration camp you threaten liberals with is in your own minds. Free yourselves, humans, with whom I share the immense and shameful legacy of conquest and genocide! You are looters and do not seem aware of it, do not seem equipped to even consider it as possible, and may not be able to admit that the violence of your scorn betrays the weakness of your position.

And of course I don’t expect to be on the side of any government, local or otherwise, at any point in the future, but I’ll leave the fighting and dying for land to others, and try merely to keep planting food and saving seed and tending those weaker than I. When I have finished shedding this crust of goods and have nothing but my instruments and seed bags, I will stop being a looter myself, at long last. A thing is what it is, and not something else, as a wise man once said.

Church today was great

A good service, enlivened by Rev Deb’s inclusion of both Thomas King and George Carlin.  Plus, Beatles, and Dark of Winter, my favourite hymn as sung by the choir.  Paul, bless him, is back from his gig in Seattle and gave me a lift to and likewise fro. I sent him forth with chicken breast for sandwiches, my homemade pickled beets (which he adores) and a frozen soup by way of thanks (also he gave me one of his very chiropractic hugs, which by damn I needed!)

Wrote about 750 words on Midnite Moving today.

Practiced HARD this morning.  It’s getting close!

Found Keith’s 300$ sunglasses in the couch downstairs.  Phoned him immediately and was he glad!

No walkies today.  Still a bit nasty underfoot out there.  Not like Toronto, though, it’s a freaking mess there.

A*****e McF*****t stood me up for the meet at the shop.  Sorry, I’m not in the mood to be charitable.  Jeff knows the whole tale and concurs.

Totally took down some asshat on twitter going on about vaccination.  The article he linked to said that vaccinations have something to do with infant mortality in the US.  ( well they do, just not negatively). The high infant mortality rate in the US has more to do with institutionalized racism and unevenly distributed prenatal care than vaccination, and anybody who says different doesn’t know a FUCKING THING about epidemiology, obstetrics, and forty years of data drawing a line between race and good — or poor — health outcomes.  Given that the twitter account is ostensibly an anti racism media site, I unloaded very hard.  I do not want persons of colour to put their kids at risk believing this bullshit because ‘da man’ makes bad vaccines.  HEAVY HEAVY SIGH.

As a palate cleanser….Cute temporary tattoos!

Explain to me why….

Keystone XL needs to run a pipeline through my city when we’ll be able to make fuel from algae?

This is funny even though the circumstances are not?  (Kingston fire picture).

Sabotaging birth control isn’t already a crime in the US?  It’s certainly a whopping great tort, even if there’s no criminal law on the books….

Anybody is surprised fewer kids are driving?  Between making a conscious decision not to contribute to pollution and the crappy economy, it all makes sense to me.  Both of my kids were well into their 20’s before they even started learning how, whereas I was 17 and wild to have my license.

Anybody wants to argue about what colour Santa is (when he’s an imaginary figure largely promoted by the Coca-Cola company) Link goes to retro Afro American Christmas cards, some of which are the ‘essence’ of charming.

When I no longer have a car, I can finally get a decal which adequately represents my tribble of a cat?

Science news keeps saying that a new species has been ‘discovered’ when the indigenous population knew they were there the whole time?  This is really annoying; saying it’s received a Latin name is different than “New Discovery.”

I didn’t know that Diana Cooper once referred to Winston Churchill as looking like the good little pig who built his house of bricks?

This is even a thing?  (Fundraiser to make a headset that reads dog thoughts which sounds like BS as yet).

Losing three traffic wardens causes chaos in Aberystwyth? It reads like an Onion article.

More judges don’t use their hearts as well as their brains in sentencing?

I didn’t start watching Call the Midwife until yesterday?