I am home from the warz… GAFilk 2014!

SO many awesome things.

Met a lovely man, skated right up to having FEELINGS, and then sensibly consulted girlfrenz on those things I might want to know about in advance. So I had 12 hours of hope, and have gone back to my usual thinking guys are, well, you know – strange, difficult and clueless.  And go me for consulting people before saying or doing anything stupid.  Wish I could have been like this 35 years ago, but we get too soon old and too late smart.

Concert went great.  Travel was within acceptable tolerances. Phoenix Airport is nice, and Atlanta airport is so awesome I want to fly back in there with people who haven’t seen it so I can show it off.  Hotel was good, room was good, everything I brought except my space babe’s bag sold at the Interfilk auction, and my Matrix coat is now being rocked by a very hot trans*person who looks WAY better in it than I ever did.  I bought Keith a tshirt but made the mistake of wearing it home, so now I have to wash it.  I bought myself a cicada hair bob, Gwen’s Box of Fairies album, Cat Faber’s Medicine Show album, and I acquired a copy of my own performance, which is great…

Otto, not so great. He survived the trip but the strings all broke when I retightened them and the strings I took as replacements DIDN’T WORK.  They were loop as opposed to ball strings.  CRAP.  So France and Steve helped me get strings and everything was fine for the concert, except loosening all the strings changed the intonation so bad I now have to get Otto into the shop.  The low G sucks dead bears now.

I wrote 3 SONGS ON THE PLANE this morning.  Some little muther stole my pen, though, but it was all worth it. One of them is below, I don’t have permission from Peter Alway and DB Cooper (a stage name) to post theirs.

I worked up a fucking awesome bass line for my Gateway filk, plus optional instrumental bridge.

KEPT CRYING during Cat Faber’s singing, because NOBODY does social justice songs like she does.

 

anyway, a song.  I am still buzzing – this week I must avoid con crud, look for work and keep practicing!!!

Lady Miss Banjola

She will stab you with a needle

to guard you from the flu

and your assistance wheedle
when an album’s coming due
Lady Miss Banjo-o-o-o-ola
Airport expertise
Ginger ale, not co-o-o-o-o-la
Quite attached to ….bees
and squid
and Bean her darling kid
and puns, and runs, and putting in a bid
and herding cats
and always wearing flats
and phy-si-o
and being in the know
her rapier wit
not taking any shit
and I know she will slay me
If I don’t mention Amy.
She is so responsible
and yet carefree and gay
Her massive bag of sensible
sends chaos on its way
Chorus.
I haz a sad, Eddie is really sick.  Margot was actually kinda clingy – strange.

Leaving for Georgia soon

I will be keeping a trip diary and posting irregularly… I have decided not to take my computer because I simply cannot afford to have it confiscated by the US government.  I have NOTHING on the computer which would warrant that, but I’ve been complaining under my real name about the US government for 10 years now.  Most hotels have a guest computer room.

If I do write any George stuff while I’m gone it will be cursive, or uploaded to Google drive…. they aren’t likely to confiscate that. I will take my phone and charger.

I pack today.  It will be a big batch of weird stuff I take, I hope the TSA and Customs can deal with it all.

I’m going to drop the keys for the business off with the landlord.  I have been trying and trying and trying to sell it, and almost 60 people enquired, and I showed it to at least 30 sets of people, but I can’t pay rent any more.  I closed the file with Fraser Health yesterday.  It has been a year out of my life, and we only operated for three months.  I learned a lot, got my heart and my shoulder broken, and I really think I’m a better person.  I certainly have more self-knowledge, a lot more respect for restaurateurs.  Knowing that I will never ever step through that door again is, candidly, more of a relief than I can say.  Anything else I say will be oversharing.

I am practicing and writing every day – music or one of my other projects.  That’s really the only thing that counts.

Jeff can handle getting a bolus into Eddie by himself with no difficulty, so I don’t feel like I’m abandoning Jeff over that.  Eddie is moving as little as possible to accomplish his goals of just barely eating, just barely drinking, and getting to the litter pan.  I’ve taken to leaving a hot water bottle next to him as he was cold to the touch the other day, and lifting him up into the chair he is sleeping in pretty much 24/7 these days.  Margot is being very sucky towards us and practically knocked Eddie over with her tail the other day, a liberty he simply would not have tolerated a couple of months ago.

So many people have told me how much they are looking forward to seeing me at GAFilk!  I feel genuinely underrehearsed, but I recently read that if you’re feeling nervous, make yourself MORE EXCITED.  So I will.

ATL is not currently experiencing delays in or outbound with the exception of international flights outbound.  Travel will be icky, but not impossible due to weather.

I’d like to call out Patricia for helping arrange a drinkypoo on my return, and a very warm hug for mOm and Chipper, who have been extra specially supportive beta readers for George, and for Tammy, who provided me with the book that unblocked my last objections to the writing.  I have something very specific to say on the subject of first contact, which is that we’ve had 100 years of science fiction in popular culture, and we have to start writing first contact fiction that allows humans to respond intelligently to aliens.  Not to freak out or say stupid things. To say, “Cool! Weird! How can I help? What’s in it for me?  Where’s your ray gun?” when somebody who really does think globally comes along.

 

Everybody who can, have a good day!

Not really into sports…

I’ve actually started a super non sekrit project “10 arguments for the abolition of the NFL”, but I suspect I’d have better luck championing indignities to human remains in terms of how the internet would respond if I published it. I do watch sports, but I do not follow the ‘rules’ and it’s largely to keep my brother company. If the officiating at the NFL is as bad in the post season as it was this year, he has threatened to give up on the NFL entirely. I watch NASCAR for two reasons – it makes me want to either write or practice in rebellion against it, and because Margot looks hilarious watching it. (Little head whips round and round). The only other thing we watch is soccer, because it takes a lot of what I consider genuine athleticism and is relatively concussion free. Go Barca!

Catching up

It’s been a lively couple of days.  I’ve been writing hard, practiced almost enough, played at church to sincere and life affirming compliments, showed the shop, made the decision to hand the keys over to the landlord, got into last minute negotiations with guys that came in at Christmas, had a spider drop onto my keyboard and scare the shit out of me, I’ve stopped having nightmares but the insomnia has fired up again, we finished watching Jazz, which made me unhappy because it was SO wonderful, and I received some Buddhist wisdom which allowed me to release a lot of stored animus toward my life and situation.  I learned that my travel plans into the US are probably going to be completely fucked up by the INSANE weather ongoing in most of the US – shit, it’s warmer in Alaska – which reminds me of the time that I wanted to get to a con which would have been crucial to my development as an SF writer and 9/11 intervened, except this time it’s all expenses paid and guess what, they’ll WAIT for me, as I don’t imagine I’d be stranded more than two days so I’ll still get to do it.  I learned that Pearl, Cat Faber’s octave mandolin (ALSO by Peter Cox) experienced technical difficulties and is now in the shop, meaning I do not have an octave mandolin as a back up if United destroys or loses Otto. (And I know that as sad as that might be, I would just ask for the bits back or get Peter to make me another one, him being obliging that way, if remunerated.  Who’s to say the replacement wouldn’t be even more amazing?)  This means I would have to do the entire concert on a regular sized mando – which I DO NOT WANT – or transpose EVERYTHING to a guitar, which for a couple of songs would be fine and for everything else would probably cause my nervous system to implode – or sing the entire concert a capella, which would be extremely wearing for my audience.  I will be taking Lemming’s advice about packageration seriously.  I reproduce it below.  Jeff invented the word garbarcage to describe when tv shows are shitty because they have too much arc and too little of what we watch the shows for.  Eddie is needing fluids at least every other day, he has started to refuse his meds and he’s gone off his food, although he’s still making the trek to the litter tray.  Margot has gotten very sucky, which is unusual.  I’m making plans to travel after the shop is gone.  I found out that the Squamish name for Thomas Mulcair is “Angry Beard” (okay it’s just one Squamish dude who is calling him that, but DID I LAUGH when I read that) and that it’s too cold outside right now for the Lincoln Park Zoo Polar Bear. I’ve been applying for jobs every day, no response. However, I am relaxed about it.  What will be, will be.  No use flinching or being rebellious.  The leathern thong descends whether I’ve been a good girl or not.

 

Tip #1: Depending on size of body, sometimes banjo cases work for octave mandolin type instruments. Tip #2: A way to save money on a case AND protect the instrument: Call guitar stores in area and see if one will give you an instrument-size box. A banjo box would probably work. Check airline regs for box measurements before proceeding. They’re supposed to allow some leeway for musical instruments. Invest in some bubble wrap. Loosen strings. Wrap instrument in bubble wrap, inside soft case. Wrap case in bubble wrap. Stuff bubble wrap in bottom of box, put in instrument, put bubble wrap on all sides and top filling box, seal box with heavy 2″ wide packing tape, about twice as much as you need. Pack one roll of packing tape so you can re-pack before you leave to go home. Add handle (easy to make one with tape, or tape on a handle, or tie on some rope. Mark stuff on package with large black magic marker “THIS SIDE UP! FRAGILE: DO NOT BEND. CONTAINS ANGRY ELVES WHO WILL HURT YOU IF YOU WAKE THEM UP” or some such thing. Tip #3: First, find out if the planes you’re flying on all have closets. Second, carry the thing with you, in the soft case, but do wrap it in bubble wrap inside the case. Make sure it’s small enough to fit in the overhead. Go up to the counter and ask if they’ll find space in the closet for your instrument. If they’re crazy enough to want to gate-check it, well, that’s what the bubble wrap inside the case is for, but if they do that, ask them if they’ve seen the “United Breaks Guitars” video, nicely. If you have to put it in the overhead, stuff a large coat or something all around it so no one tries to smash it with their luggage. Again, bubble wrap. Bubble wrap is your friend

Oh, and don’t forget the loosen strings part. Most of the time, no difference, but the changes in air pressure in the luggage compartment plus string tension will eventually cause the neck to break at the nut.

And take along spare strings because one often breaks when you retighten.

Chlamyphorus truncatus

Chlamyphorus truncatus
To own you as a pet would give me status
An insectivore from Argentina
And the cutest little critter ever seen-a
You’ll eat exotic arthropods by the pound
I’ll never get to see you cause you’re underground
You’ll never ever sleep upon my pillow
Chlamyphorus truncatus: Pink Fairy Armadillo!
You will never get much bigger than my hand
Pandas always get more press & I don’t understand
You have armour plates upon your back and butt
which are tinted a most pleasing shade of pink

From the list of squee you never shall be cut

You’re my favouritest animal I think

Smallest in the fam’ly Dasypodidae
Proud member of the order Cingulata
You won’t be long, & nor should I
Cause I’ve run out of interesting data

Spoken: Really, we don’t know much about this remarkable mammal, apart from it being really good at hide and seek.

Chlamyphorus truncatus
To own you as a pet would give me status
An insectivore from the Argentine
A-a-a-and the cutest little critter anybody’s ever seen!

The show we’ll never see

Austentatious.

Someone had to do it, I suppose.  I reckon I’d enjoy it. I provide the link for me mOm’s entertainment.

I made meatloaf yesterday.  In case I don’t remember the recipe, it’s a pound and a bit of regular ground beef, four tablespoons of Heinz chili sauce, a good shot of black pepper, ditto powdered garlic, an egg and almost half a cup of bread crumbs.  I think I’ll macerate an onion next time too.  Jeff proceeded to abandon the leftover Chinese food for it, so I’d say that’s a good sign.

Today, I will be putting some effort into an interview between my main character and my newly hatched CBC interviewer.

The Jazz documentary continues to dazzle, likewise Attenborough’s Blue Planet.  Wars between coral species are bizarre and disgusting.  “I barf my guts on you and digest you on the spot!”  “Aiyee! I am fixed to one spot and cannot flee!” Also, who knew there’s a colony species of shrimp? With a queen, and workers, and burly guards with extra large claws!?

I’m singing in church on Sunday, must practice some more.

 

Miss Margot thoughts

Two Miss Margot moments.
1. This morning Jeff and I discussed which characteristic defined Margot better, fluffiness or silliness. Silliness won, despite her striking degree of fluffiness, because she could lose ALL that fur and still be silly.
2. She comes and watches TV with us the instant she hears David Attenborough’s voice. So she’s silly, but she has excellent taste.

A drunkard’s walk through my most influential reads

I wrote something like this in December 2004, so this is an update for that unsearchable part of my blog. Some of it is stolen from the earlier post, but condensified and tucked up.

 

Ann Landers.  When I was growing up, I read her column every chance I got.  She asked people to be honest and kind, and OWNED UP when she did or said something stupid.  I wanted every grownup to be like her.

Cynthia Heimel in Playboy.  When I was growing up, she wrote a column about being a mother in which she said that having the ability to drop the pretense of perfection in front of your children was precious, and I took it to heart.

Jane Goodall – In the Shadow of Man.  I came to understand what kind of primate I am, the importance of touch, the idea that no intelligence can be foreign to a truly self-aware person.  And chimp babies are adorable.

Harlan Ellison – at a stupidly impressionable age, I read I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream.  His misogyny and manic self-promotion aside, he remains a very influential writer, and his stunt of writing in a storefront impressed me deeply.

The Time-Life book The Mind.  There were illustrations in that book I still refer to.  The science is now shot full of holes, but it started my life long belief that we’re everything we are physically, but mostly we are our brains.

C.P. Idyll’s Abyss.  I read every word of it, about the strange and remarkable deep sea creatures, and it permanently affected me.  When I write about Kima and the Oldest, I am thinking of that book as being on the shelf at my parents’ place, accessible forever in memory.

H B Liddell Hart’s History of the Second World War.  I reread the part on the Holocaust compulsively, and anything about Hitler.

David J Dowker’s Machine Language.  When I run out of things to do, I will memorize it. “Brain pan hammered into a pure sound butter melts across.” That takes me right into the National Geographic Gold issue, which is also a very important work to me, and contains a solid gold frying pan. Butter is gold! my brain has a pan!  I am trying, in an airy and insubstantial way, to show how my own brain works.  “Eat me if you dare”.

The mirror writing of Leonardo Da Vinci.  When he wrote of the wind, he called it the breathing of this terrestrial machine; when he wrote of the moon, he said, it has no light of itself and yet is luminous.  To stand in front of his words, as written in his own hand, from his own journal, was like going to a shrine.

Brief insert for recent humour. I was asked to write a seven word autobiography, and I came up with “Spectrum girl walks world banging her shins.”  Not bad for a thrown together affair.

Dorothy Dunnett OF COURSE.

JRR Tolkien OF COURSE.

M. Scott Peck’s People of the Lie, and also his work on consensus.

The Lost Queen of Egypt by Lucile Morrison.  Someday I will hold a copy of this children’s classic in my hand again.  It’s about the tragedy of being happy and the glory of true friendship.

The Mary Poppins books.  Never mind the movie, which is good in the Hollywood way, if you ignore the classism and the ongoing travesty-cum-wincefest of Dick van Dyke’s accent. The books have racist and classist overtones as well, but they are also marvellously subversive and really imaginative.

The Kingdom of Carbonel, a wonderful children’s book.

The Vorkosigan novels by Lois McMaster Bujold – yet a new hero to worship. If you like humour, action, dastardly villains and I mean DASTARDLY and deeply flawed and brilliant heroes, look no further than any of the Vorkosigan novels. I started with Cordelia’s Honor and that’s not a bad place to start, as it has the single most memorable exchange between a happily married couple in all of English literature. Suffice it to say that the word “Shopping” is involved.

Wade Davis, One River.  Find it, read it.

Edward Shlain’s Sex, Time and Power. Some of it is just plain wrong, some wrongheaded. But where he got it right, he got it very right indeed.

Elaine Pagels’ the Gnostic Gospels. Poetry, Mystery, God.

Deborah Tannen’s You Just Don’t Understand, Men and Women in Conversation. Hasn’t stopped being useful

First Things First by Stephen Covey and a couple of his acolytes.  Trenchant, useful, right end up in terms of moral compasses.

The Four Agreements.  It’s another self-help book, and in parts it’s psychologically rather cack-handed, but parts are pure poetry and singing with truth.

Kerri Hulme’s The Bone People. I don’t know what to say about this Booker Prize winning novel except that it is such a rare and crazy book with such deeply memorable characters, that the flimsy plot means nothing compared to how it’s written. Easily one of my top ten favourite books.  Started my love affair (long distance it will likely remain), with the people, history and landscape of New Zealand, whose former denizens keep finding their way into my life, much as Finns do.

Blind Voices by Tom Reamy. I remain alternately hopeful and terrified that it will become a movie; the rape scene is spectacularly gross, but the special effectsy stuff will be glorious.

Paul Blackburn Collected Poems. I dedicated the long poem In Colours Unsuspected to him.

Marion Zimmer Bradley’s the Mists of Avalon. The ultimate read in the bath book. Makes magic and myth and real life into something truly great.  It doesn’t dodge the grosser aspects of being female in an Iron Age culture.

 

Sorrow and anger

Should you divorce your family?

Dr. Michelle Golland suggested a sort of checklist of traits that are warning signs a familial relationship is unhealthy and may be worth ending, including: “You feel drained when associating with the person. The person continuously makes you angry. The person is manipulative towards you to get what they want.”

Trying to be ‘the bigger person’ didn’t help. Trying to ‘fake it til I make it’ didn’t work. Pulling out my wallet to paper over the cracks didn’t help. I don’t imagine for a second that it will help anybody but me, but exhaustion won, and I am slowly and painfully crawling away to someplace safe.  In the best of all possible worlds I’d be rational on the subject, but since I can’t, I have to protect what little sanity I have.

Wrote 750 words this morning, practiced, did my Lumosity, ran the dishwasher and tidied the kitchen.  Keith is coming over shortly.

—-

We watched Jazz – Keith very much enjoyed it.

—-

Katie is coming over to extract some of her clothes and toiletries.  Hopefully there will be enough gone that I can establish some order in the guest bedroom, which looks at the moment much like the den of a hibernating bear.

Today started well

Before 6 am I had 1350 words done on Midnite Moving, and Eddie said FEED ME NAOW in such a loud voice it was as if he’d never been sick.

Later on today we’ll go get some more Chinese takeout.  The Singapore style noodles at Chong Lum Hin are so yummy.

YAY Jeff, he’s set up the wireless printer; we can now print from any computer anywhere in the house, which is very handy.

Watched the first half of Crumb yesterday evening.  A great artist, and a very weird man. His life is full of old records. Following on watching the first 6 episodes of Ken Burns’ Jazz I noted some jazz clips that were in a big subdirectory on the media drive and watched them, including Stephane Grapelli and Django Reinhardt.  Not all of it was watchable, but it was all interesting.  Jazz really is an immense genre.

Now, Lumosity, practicing for church (I’m singing the compost song), and practicing for GAFilk.  Lemming says that you get treated like visiting royalty at GAfilk.  That will be an interesting experience, hunh?

No response from any potential customers.  I’ll be going to the landlord tomorrow and dropping off the keys.  There’s only so much I can do, and I need to walk away and quit spending money on a dream, when I need to move someplace where there’s actually some work.

 

2013, don’t let the door hit you

It wasn’t the worst year of my life because I have more emotional resources than I used to.  I think, after its long absence from my house, alcohol is going to make a reappearance.  I think beer – it’s been too long since I had some Lion Winter – and some Jim Beam, so I have something in the house for when Justified comes back next month.

I will be praying for the Canadian Olympic athletes and officials as they to and fro from Sochi.  There are going to be some damned big explosions in Russia in February, and the whole world will be watching.  They won’t happen in Sochi itself, likely, as the security will be a leaden and oppressive blanket.  But I pity the rail and airline passengers – it’s going to be a mess.  The suicide bombings are already well under way, and although it isn’t well known yet, there’s a lot of missing explosives in Russia, something like 2000 short tons.  It’s not C4, but it’s certainly enough to make hash of a lot of civilians.

Time for Lumosity and some shoulder exercises.  Sleep has been conspicuous by its absence.

My Yellow Cab review

On December 24, 2013 at around 9:30 in the morning, Driver 10 picked me up from the stand at Granville and Georgia. I gave him the address and he didn’t know where it was. He HANDED ME HIS PHONE TO TYPE THE ADDRESS INTO THE GPS. With a rising sense of WTF, I did so. Then he proceeded to drive down the street looking at his phone. By the time we got to the bridge I was frantic. I told him, first in a calm voice, and then in my ‘yelling at the kids voice’, “What you are doing is unsafe and illegal. Please pull over, confirm your route, and continue.” I must have said this four times. He told me I didn’t have any Christmas spirit, and I repeated my request. Yes, I was yelling, but that’s what you do when somebody is being unsafe and thinking it’s okay.

He said, “Get out of my ****** cab you *****.” He stopped the cab and I got out. Another cab driver from another company appeared out of nowhere and got me safely to my destination, all the while apologizing, as if it was his fault somehow.

Under normal circumstances I would wait for a call back from the Manager, but I left an urgent message that day and another this morning, and the Vancouver Taxi Association complaint line voicemail is full (wonder why, snicker). I’ve been taking cabs in this town for almost 20 years and I’ve never experienced anything like this. The driver was not safe to drive, and should be disciplined at the very least. Something tells me nothing will come of this, but at least I have warned others.

I love Marilyn’s services…

This morning we walked around the darkened sanctuary with candles, while Marylke played her recorder.  It was absolutely lovely, and the text was Gratitude as Light, so it worked out nicely.  The youth will be handing out socks and sandwiches at New Years on the DTES and that was what the collection was for.

Hazards of going deaf…. At coffee afterwards one of my cocongs was talking about how all of her senses awakened when she was listening to live classical music, so that she was almost overcome and I said, “If you pee your pants you’re on your own” which is actually a classic family history line (back to Amedeo Garden Court days).  Everybody else at the table thought I said, “If you Peter Pan, you’re on your own.”  This is what they repeated back to me.  About this time the woman realized what I had ACTUALLY said, and started to laugh, and everybody else told me what they THOUGHT I had said, at which point we were pretty much both reduced to spluttering incoherence. When we calmed down we explained the joke, at which point everybody ELSE laughed.

Dennis recited Invictus during the service.  Jean and I both memorized it when we were puppies so we recited along but silently, because only a fool would talk overtop of Dennis when he is in full spate and mess up that theatrical voice.  I love Dennis to bits, even though he has to get right up next to me to tell who I am these days. I interviewed him for an I’m Not Dead Yet ceremony a few years back.  He really is the most delightful old man; so full of joie de vivre and simple appreciation for people and art.  I couldn’t hope to be as cheerful as he.

The work continues.  I sure hope I sleep better tonight.  I’ve been dreaming, and having nightmares.  I just don’t DO nightmares so it’s always a horrible surprise. Jeff’s been dreaming like mad too.