Day: August 28, 2021

Fun things to do in Burnaby (parody)

Fun things to do in Burnaby!

– Encounter a bear in our parkland – Burnaby doesn’t enjoy 25% greenspace for nothing, y’all

– Experience one of the world’s most obnoxious English-speaking sidewalk preachers

– Thrill-seekers will enjoy the challenging brevity of all our highway on-ramps, and thrill harder to the challenging brevity of the attention span of most Burnaby drivers

– Try to find a residential address in Champlain Heights at night

– Enjoy an on-line city council meeting with Joe Shithead (okay it’s not his name any more but it’s funny)

– Ride the miniature train in Confederation Park (legit touristy thing)

– Get a cold malted beverage from Glenburne Dairy, but bring your own straw, the ones they supply suck little but ass, and call first, their hours of operation are wtf

– Catch COVID in the lineup for the Arcade at Brentwood

– Quarantine yourself at the Days Inn Motel afterwards

– Figure out the City of Burnaby garbage schedule without resorting to performance enhancing drugs (if you suffer from deficits to colour vision you can skip this one)

– Fistfight with your neighbours about parking

– Call Burnaby City Hall about parking

– Write a strongly worded letter to the editor of the Burnaby Now about parking

– Get Chris Campbell of the Burnaby Now to write an editorial about your letter. You won’t have to try too hard.

– Get a small dead fish dropped on your head by a heron in Fraser Foreshore Park

– Argue with anti-maskers in Deer Lake Park; flee to the parking lot like a little bitch when about twenty of their walking buddies show up behind them

– Quarantine yourself at the Days Inn Motel afterwards

– Write a review of all the Burnaby Skytrain stations in rank order from least to most scary. Post it to r/burnaby on reddit and watch the fur fly, kids!

– Be grateful you’re not in Whalley

– Visit one of the world’s most beautiful carousels. Bring earplugs.

– Blow through the speed trap at the bottom of Gaglardi Hill at 90kph and then cry all over the cop about how it shouldn’t be 60 kph if it’s built like the Coquihalla

– Get stuck behind the 100 bus in heavy traffic

– Try to beat the train signal on Cariboo Road

– Rent a hot, pipey two-stroke motorcycle, score a grab bag of pills and ride like Nic Cage up and down Kingsway all night

– Try to figure out if the restaurant you’re ordering delivery from is a money laundering operation

– Wake up to the terrifying sound of pyrotechnics for a night shoot at the location on Marine Drive

– Redesign the civic flag, please, have you seen that schmata

 

a collection of symptoms flying in close array

Today is the first day of me getting ptosis in my left eye. It’s always been in my right eye before; I’m miffed at the encroachment. It’s now time to stop looking at screens (I’m assuming that’s the cause) and nap because even if sleep doesn’t make things better it sure makes things go away (I don’t remember my dreams, so I carry things into my sleep and don’t carry them out.)

However temporarily.

My troubles await my awakening.

Buster wants me to throw some more treats now so I’ll do that and then nap. Oh yeah, I left something out of the fridge. I’m sort of wandering around in a diminished capacity which probably has something to do with that good hard slug of coff sirp.

Oh great visual disturbances time to close the laptop.

d’ohccasional randomness

This is a review of a book I want…. no probably need to read.

I have had a story added to a Destiel collection on AO3. I am absolutely thrilled and it means more people will read it. It’s 12500 words of fluffy and mildly porny madness that ends with an ILY scene at an airport. I also think it’s got some of the funniest dialogue of any of my stories. Email me if you want the link.

I stopped taking cough medicine at 11:30 last night to try to let it clear my system, but the crackling in my chest has come back. Low grade fever, productive cough, crashed appetite, really an effort to push fluids but I keep hearing mOm’s voice encouraging me to do that thing.

Buster scrapped with another cat THROUGH the cat door last night. I locked it and expected him to whine about it all night and he didn’t let out a peep until I woke at 8:30 this morning.

Left hand is still bruised but all the mobility is back and normal function has resumed. I am now thinking that I did crack a rib, but there would have been nothing that an ER doc could do but hand me a little envelope of T3s anyway after a chest xray in a freezing room so I really dodged 8 hours of ER time during the largest surge of infections in over a year. Knowing that Paul would have come with me is extremely comforting though. What a fine and life affirming thing it is to have friends.

Tom is closing the speaker shop (Halloween is the last day) and going on line! I may get work doing data entry loading skus. He was only in hopsital (deliberate typo) a day for the pneumonia and when I was talking to him on the phone today he was on the skytrain which means that Peggy is not actually driving him everywhere any more. Also that the phone call dropped three times before we gave up.

The only social media I’m on now is here, AO3 and Reddit. I’ve added 400 karma points in the last week alone so you can tell I’ve been busy. When Reddit gives me free awards I always use them within five minutes, usually for other women.

I can definitely state (from what I read on reddit, among other things) that feminism has lost big over the last 40 years. What a time to be alive.

ADDED LATER: SOMEBUNNY is running a jackhammer within a block radius and WOW what an annoying sound!

Conrad Black in the NP

The Nazi Post is once again hosting Conrad Black, a man who stopped being a racist in public while he was in jail in the US because he would have been shivved in the shower, and who promptly went back to his racist ways the instant he was released.

This is the first paragraph of his latest pixellated excretion.

Seven months into the Biden regime, the truism that dare not speak its name is now almost too obvious to bear stating. It was a catastrophic error to evict Donald Trump. No one, and certainly not I, would try to whitewash the stylistic infelicities of Donald Trump. He said many things that were toe-curlingly embarrassing coming from the holder of so great an office. But he proved in government as he had in the private sector that he was capable and forceful, and although he had the terrible handicap of personalizing everything and escalating all disagreements, he had a clear conception of domestic and foreign national interests and pursued them very successfully.

I was thinking that Donald Trump did everything possible to show that he was forceful AND incapable, but …. my opinion aside …. can you imagine shilling for Trump like this?

Shrub got the US into Afghanistan, when any sane military person would have said AW HELL NAW! The Afghans, who have hosted the best and worst of Islam (by which I mean Rumi and blowing up other people’s cultural treasures) over their history, have been happy to put empires on the ground, with a combination of local militias, intertribal arrangements, brutal geography, opium, and a really strong opposition to having foreign overlords using Afghanistan as a testing ground for military technology.

The fact that Conrad Black NOWHERE MENTIONS that Donald Trump’s lackeys handed the Taliban an enormous (and candidly treasonous) package of information, including the names and addresses of everyone who ever worked for the US, shows very clearly that this entire article is a narcissistic, aged capitalist wanting another even MORE narcissistic, aged capitalist to run the most dangerous country in the world. Nowhere does Mr. Butter Pat mention that they did this on Trump’s orders once he lost the election, so that the situation in Afghanistan would be IMPOSSIBLE for Joe Biden’s team to manage when the end came… an end Trump’s team precipitated. 

Such is the truly fellatial tone of this mangy screed, it’s hard not to wonder what the hell Trump has on Black. But it’s enough that he was powerful, I guess, and Black admires tyrants.

I close this rant with my assessment of this deranged fondness for Trump, as expressed by Dorothy Lamour’s quote, regarding Bing Crosby and Bob Hope: “There’s always a click when two heels meet.”