not another project, must be AU Monday

It’s called The Trust Issue, and it’s a nested set of received opinions about how to trust the ourselves, the world and how we move through it and eventually out of it. I am thinking of it in terms of being on three scales; personal, familial (via family history, which is basically me saying HEY MA I THINK I FOUND ANOTHER USE FOR THE GAZILLIONS OF PIXELS YOU’VE SLAUGHTERED), and linguistic, but not in any academic sense, just in the sense that I have to use English to actually, like, do anything. English as often noted has many limitations in terms of felicity of precision *and* metaphor, at least for me, so I must perforce be appalled at operating within its tiresomely inevident confines. I know I am stuck here, in English, for I have neither the life expectancy nor the will to become able to write with ease and style in another language. The very idea makes a mockery of trust in any degree, but so be it. I shall scale Mt. Impossible because I dare not leave my room! The idea of actually making it fit into any politics, including the increasingly deadbeat anarchism I claim to claim (know what I mean) is loathsome to me so I am avoiding the political or public sphere, and I don’t think I could do it in less than 20000 words and suspect it’ll be closer to 70K.

sing wet bones

late at night
not every night thank god
I can hear my bones singing
If I thought they could hear me over the din
I’d ask them why they think that it’s okay
to flap themselves so, like my tinnitus needs drowning
and as soon as I pose the question
the bones have formed a Wunderkammer
and wish to impose their wet vibrations on a wider audience
they grind in a basso and say
you don’t move us enough
and now you will pay

lovely visit

And of course prior to Alex’s most excellent visit we eating our faces off at Peggy’s, SOP!

Her youngest is moving in to the house with all his attendant clobber. (s/o, stepdaughters, Greg once in a while) and I’m very happy about that. She’ll be on the ground floor where her knee won’t be bugging her about the stairs quite so much.

Alex is just a lovely boy now, I so appreciate him. I told mOm a story about him which made both of us really contemplate what kind of a solid citizen Katie is raising. And he loves his brother SO MUCH.

Leo and Linda will arrive today for a visit. Haven’t seen them in a while, it is highly anticipated.

Jeff and I did a shop this morning to ensure that there’s enough breakfast cereal in the house.

Feeling MUCH better today, I got an excellent night of sleep and my brain appears to be doing what it’s supposed to again.


Alex is here

Right now he’s playing the only game I ever bought for the xBox – Plants Vs. Zombies. Grunkle Jeff just got him set up.

We had a reasonably good night of sleep. In an hour or so we’ll walk over to the Timmy Ho’s and get Alex a treat while the adults look the other way.

that lentil soup is nommers

I’m going to make more soup today so I have instant meals when Leo and Linda come CHICKN BARELY! I meean, chicken barley.

This afternoon, me, Cindy (Hopes hopes) and Peggy will get together to sing and play PEGGY WILL BE HEFTING BASS I am so happy.

Leo and Linda have been to the mines at Britannia Bay – and I’ve been living here decades and never been, although Paul and the kids have.

Confidential to mOm I think I'm going to write a scene in which the wicket stepbro asks Omar if 'he's going to let her' (her being Blossom) 'get away with that' and he and Brad are going to slap each other laughing like frat boys and say NO YOU DON'T GET IT SHE'S THE BOSS and then she's going to say, in 'visiting professor' intonations "I THOUGHT WE WERE AN AUTONOMOUS COLLECTIVE" and they all lay about laughing. It's stupid but every time I imagine it I smile. I think I know how this is going to end now. The story logic is INEVITABLE.

I need another 15-20k to get there though. 15,302 is current count

lentil soup has been achieved

green lentils and tomatoes, bouillon, garlic cloves, half a lime, lots of cumin, cayenne for a little heat. Very nice and should get nicer as it rests comfortably in the fridge.

15115. I’ve done my brain training for the morning.

The weather was gross for about fifteen minutes, high winds and what sounded quite a bit like small hail, maybe graupel. I’ve never heard of graupel falling at night before, but we’re living in weird times.

The school shooting in Uvalde TX is even worse that it was originally thought. I grieve with the parents.

clean sheets

Two loads of laundry and the dishes yesterday. I ordered in a very expensive meal to cheer myself up; I ate the leftovers this morning and YES it did cheer me up. (Jeff got a meal too, I’d never order something without consulting him.)

Now it will be lentil stew for a week!

15110 words – feel sort of stuck on the story but I know I’ll get over it soon enough.

Katie and I spoke on the phone early yesterday about the most recent school shooting in the US, and we were both crying. We love our kids, but they’re just tokens in a violent game sometimes, and we want better for them, but what can we do? Hope, keep hoping, remember that hope is less expensive than despair.


I think I’m allergic to the peanuts in the Cuban Lunch Jeff bought for me yesterday. I was itchy and sleepy and messed up all afternoon, and feel fine now. Slept great.


In this meme, Dr. Fauci, holding Coronavirus’s hand, gives ‘monkeypox’ a once over while Coronavirus fumes.

Got a kudo on “The Reviewer” and went back and re-read it, and fixed a typo.

There was another school shooting yesterday in the US. Stuff really sucks yo.


I have achieved meds

F near died walking back – I was fine on the way there; it appears that 2 k with a solid hill component is too much for me at the moment because I had to pause, many times, on the way home.

Jeff restored my happiness by appearing with CUBAN LUNCH chocolate candies. These were a feature of my Ottawa Childhood™. Last time I saw one for sale was when I was still merrit to Paul and we were driving down the highway close to Brooks AB. Anyway a new company has started up manufacturing and they’re BETTER than I remember them so I’m really freaking happy about that.

For whatever reason I can’t get through on Peggy’s land line right now, although it appears to be working on her end. So I have to look up her cell number because I haven’t memorized it yet, or ever.

Just got an email from Mike – he’d lost his phone for a while and so apparently vanished from human ken.



tired arms

Well I got to hold Ryker A LOT yesterday and given that he’s six months old he’s a heavy little cuss and he has distinct preferences about how he wants to be held and that is UP and BOUNCING. Definitely feeling it. No pictures; I made memories.

When he smiles at Alex I am so happy I want to invent words. You hear people talking about how a baby is the light of a house, but Ryker just is. He makes people happy just by existing.

However I didn’t just fawn over the little one. I asked Alex if he would like an almost endless supply of free games and he asked if there would be ads and I said, well, no, because our taxes already paid for the website. Then he went entirely nuts on the game site (there are dozens upon dozens of games) and he had a fantastic time checking through them. I gave him useful information. I also found out that he wants a Playtime Poppy poster. (Warning this is a really scary horror game which is not 100 percent age appropriate, but I’m going to get him a poster anyway.)

Keith was in fine form and fed me vegetarian bean stew for lunch and half a Stella. Katie continues to dote on her two boys and that’s lovely.

All in all a lovely visit. Paul’s in Seattle of course.

My tinnitus is MUCH MUCH WORSE. First in my right ear, and now in my left ear, day and night I have ticking noises. It started right before the camping trip.

Lovely long talk with Sue last night; she’s auditioning for a lead role in a film AND I’M SO EXCITED FOR HER. (She’s also my canonical casting for the human form of Grandmother Zosime in UPSUN)