the atomization of english

I was laughing very circumspectly this morning (I went to bed at supper time and woke up at one, having missed my evening meds AGAIN) when someone on reddit autocorrected ‘arrangement’ into ‘arraignment’ and you have to admit that depending on the context that could be a typo for the ages.

Elon Musk (whom I refer to on twitter as zibethicus the dishfaced) is reconsidering buying twitter. That’s a nice way of saying that twitter shareholders, the regulators, and the banks holding Musk’s IOU are all getting itchy, plus he’s finding out that 5% the site is fucking bot accounts.

I am currently the proud recipient of 50x the average number of karma points on reddit. This is PROOF POSITIVE of a misspent decade trying to give advice and comfort to other women. Up until recently I bought karma points to give to other people but I quit doing that as being a ludicrous expense.

Fucking Israeli police were beating the shit out of mourners at Shireen’s funeral. THEY MADE THE PEOPLE CARRYING HER COFFIN DROP IT.  May they receive the recompense they are owed for their crimes.









Paul must be in the States again, I haven’t heard from him in a week. LATER – PAUL CALLED THIS AM, HE’S BACK.

There are two Disneys: a monster and a storyteller. There’s a monster of megatons of plastic garbage, not paying writers, harassing employees, gleeful racism, social control. The storyteller is a thieving panderer with catchy tunes. We forget the former to smile at the latter.

(the foregoing is my response to a tweet about ‘disney adults’.)

Breakfast was egg salad over regular salad with lashings of tea.

It’s raining AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN. All the dogwood flowers are turning brown so the beautiful shining elven tree now looks like dogs been crapping on it.

My mood is…. not great. But I’m writing and I’m safe and comfy at home, so I will do my absolute best not to make my mood someone else’s problem.

Buster trained hard this morning; I think I’m teaching him to give kisses but we’ll see. Maybe I’m just teaching him to transfer zoonotic illnesses.


Testing again today

I’ll be testing myself again for COVID today. Paul reports a violent headache (worst he’s ever had, he says, or so memorably bad it’s wiping out any recollection of a worse one), malaise and aches, no fever. He was coughing pretty well constantly and because I’m a total moose – I said sorry my misophonia is driving me nuts with you coughing into my ear like a fucking artillery piece and said I’d call him back later. He says he can’t tell whether he caught it in the states or not and here’s me thinking to myself that he hasn’t bothered telling anyone he was exposed/exposed himself to. e y e r o l l he certainly didn’t tell me, if Katie wasn’t a goddess among women and the matriarch of our family I wouldn’t know. Imagine that. Okay, don’t, it’s none of mine anyway.

I woke up at two with a headache (I get migraines, not headaches) so I immediately got up and made coffee and drank it and I feel fine now.  I have been feeling a little weird in my body the last few days but…. who knows.

11251 words (YAY progress finally, and likely more today – right now our trio is having a public discussion about exactly what lies to tell and to whom and Brad does not want to describe the first set of kidnappers) and FINALLY a single kudo, on the fic about the cult-survivor and the mechanic.

My face when I learned Elon’s buying twitter:


Teresa Zgoda took this pic in 2017 Taenia solium (tapeworm) microphotograph

I continue to watch what’s going on in Ukraine, but it’s the false flag shit that Russia’s doing to its own people that’s really got my attention right now. They’re shooting themselves, quite literally. And the PRC is helping the state propaganda efforts. It all entirely sucks.

I’ve reupped at mastodon: I can be located here:

The bum I um

I feel like a bum! I still haven’t written a proper thank you letter for the books and newspaper clipping from Onti Mary, I haven’t written a word of fiction in days, my room got messy again…. and I don’t care.

I’m retired, I’ll get over it.

watched My Spy

It’s on Netflix, and it’s really funny, most enjoyable.

Very mellow day; no Alex because Paul’s got COVID. I tested myself with an RAT and came up negative, which given I was in a small room with Paul for two hours the other day as we were singing and playing (maximum exchange of aerosols LOL) means that I’ll be retesting in a couple of days.

It’s so weird… still no kudos. It’s like people have stopped reading fanfics or something. Misha Collins came out as bisexual (I wish I could state how this makes me feel without sounding like a widgeon) so there should be an uptick in readers at the very least.

WH Auden wrote a blow job poem. I’m not linking to it here because it’s not er his best work but it sure is er something. Anyway it’s called the Platonic Blow if you’re insisting on finding it on line and reading it; the only reason I munch on it is that it’s AMAZINGLY LIKE FANFIC. Like, a lot.

Buster’s abscess broke yesterday and it was profuse without being vile. I touched it up with some peroxide and we’re keeping an eye on it in case it starts oozing or smelling. We’re definitely keeping him indoors because he’s getting injured, sometimes quite badly, every time he leaves the house.

I baked up the leftover noodles with milk and cheese and it was very tasty with the leftover green salad.


last night I dreamed I died in bed

and everybody was mad at having to clean out my room LOL

1 kudo. 10648 words. Every time I think about writing the next 2k words I’m bored… I’m more interested in what comes after, and that is problematic in terms of word production.  I haven’t given up, and poked around in a couple of unpubbed stories to see if I could work on them instead, but not a sausage.

Brief and pleasant walk with Paul yesterday. He was in the US again for a while, so it seems he’s figured out how to get back into the country without paying thousands of dollars in fines.

This morning’s wordle was a BEAR. I am so lucky I guessed it in six.

Mariupol hasn’t fallen, but it’s a matter of hours. The Russians are calling it liberation but the city has been flattened, and they’re taking civilians they murdered 20 k out of town to bury them in a mass grave. I am numb, wherever I’m not angry and sad. The Estonians, may they be upheld, have as a nation declared Russia guilty of genocide, and have asked other nations to do the same. I believe that I have previously made a reasonable case that Russian troops and leaders have already committed war crimes.

As Fark remarked this morning, a psychopath with 6000 (some restrictions apply) nukes is holding the world hostage.

This is a repeat, but it is one of my faves of my own art. Best of all, people who knew me growing up know what this picture is an homage to.

They’re saying that Will and Jada Smith could have one of the ugliest divorces in Hollywood history, and you know what? I think they’re going to reconcile and stare everyone the fuck down. Well, that’s what I want them to do.

Suzanne will likely be here today. Everyone have a shiny day!



background work

side by side a ukrainian soldier defends a pram, a russian soldier shoots at one
48 days into the war

Still adjusting to the meds change; I appear to be somewhat more diurnal, as I slept from 8 until 5:30 this morning. Jeff and I are going to go see the mini vampires at some point this week, and then I’m spending the day at Caspell Junction on Thurdsay, and also at some point we should shop as we are actually OUT OF some things and there’s always more toilet paper. (Constant readers will note that I buy more toilet paper than is required because I’m afeared to not have enough in a true emergency.)

IT FUCKING SNOWED yesterday it’s all gone but even though they warned us it was most unpleasant, and Buster was unimpressed as hell.

New word: Nexterday for tomorrow, invented by some kid whose parent reported it on twitter.

Now that we have CRAVE we’re getting the ads for show renewals and Jeff was so happy to see the ads for the Flight Attendant, which is a show he wouldn’t have watched if Dave hadn’t recommended it, so that was a nice little frisson of connection.

No kudos, no progress on the story. All my mental work on the story is managing the “I’m more into you than you’re into me and it’s breaking me” part of it, plus working the ‘gay guy’s straight friend’ into it because the idea of a fairly uptight gay man getting romantic advice from his sassy-pants straight friend is too much for me to dodge, it’s just so up-to-drip and tropey. Also I want two men who aren’t romantically involved to talk about sexual assault. I mean I’m not going for maximum damage but our hero is pretty messed up and he needs someone to tell him that a very common response to sexual assault is hypersexualization. The first time I heard that I went BULLSHIT but apparently it’s a mechanism whereby you reestablish control over, and agency over, your own body and while it just seems wrong from my lived experience, thousands of hours of research don’t lie.

Got wordle in three today, I’ll post it for tomorrow because I found the word combo weirdly funny.

Have some ice, from Iceland. It was just above freezing, the rain was coming sideways, and the biggest of those chunks of ice is about four metres across. And yet the curlews were on the beach trying to make a living. Four years ago now. I occasionally remember aspects of this trip as if I were still there. How I wish I could go again. It felt like part of my home on earth. But as mentioned I’m never getting on a jet again.


Exceedingly windy right now, I’m worried a bit about our travel plans

My head’s empty and my mood is blank. I have a ton of things to do before I leave.

Heard from Mike. It was good to hear his voice.

Heard from Paul. He was having trouble with the website that you have to fill out a form for in order to return to Canada. After I, like a fool, volunteered to help him I learned that I had to actually be logged in to the site which I couldn’t do, so I told him to go talk to Hank (where he’s a houseguest) about that. Hopefully he’ll make it home, the alternative is an enormous fine.

7623 words, quite a bit of ratchet editing; two kudos overnight. If the averages hold, that means that twenty people across the surface of the planet were reading my fanfic last night.

I really should pack, lol. The wind better die down or they’ll cancel the ferry.

I am cautiously pleased about the price I should be getting for some books.

thinking of John tonight, this is a drawing by Brooke…

another cat pic

don’t break the internet while I’m gone

7539 words, no kudos. Felt absolutely terrible yesterday until just before supper time, at which time I felt much better (I’m assuming it was food rumblies based on, er, throughput and truly remarkable pain) and I’ve felt better ever since. Got my prescriptions delivered and we paid our rent. I also fell for NO FEWER THAN three April fool’s jokes, I must have looked batty to my friends.

Ducreux self portrait of man yawning repurposed to say I'm off to bed you fuckers, don't break the internet while I'm gone.

For the first time since I stopped withdrawing money from what’s left of my retirement savings, the dollar amount has gone down. THANKS VLAD YOU ASSHOLE

Theo Moudakis of the Toronto Star made this thing:

Editorial cartoon by Theo Moudakis/Toronto Star showing a man with his back to a wave cheering over a sandcastle Yay, Finally open for business again. The man looks remarkably like Doug Ford about to be drowned.

beautiful day for a pap smear

So I saw the doc, got a pap smear, had to wait an hour and a half. “Everything looks fine down there” what a relief eh.

Something odd came out of the overnight BP study. A couple of hours after I went to sleep that night my BP crashed and stayed there for about two hours. I mean crashed; literally so low that I’d be hospitalized. I guess I just have to be a weirdo. Otherwise the drugs seem to be doing their job and I’m not in Sky High About To Pop a Clog territory any more.

Jeff gave me a no-SMS-card phone so I have a calculator and alarm and game platform and I have now killed both of the chargers he loaned me so I have to replace them.

Got my meds re-upped – yet another change, this time because the drug is literally so old the drug company doesn’t want to make it in that formulation anymore, sounds like me. Anyway that’s set up and I should have enough prescriptions to cover me during an earthquake. I’ll be going off the inderal eventually. Very glad I’ve added vitamin c to the mix of pills I take every morning – as is often the case my teeth hurt less.

Today maybe I’ll get that bloodwork done, but it’s more likely because I have to go to the same building for my prescription,

Katie, Alex, Ryker and I are going to travel to Victoria at some point. This means that M&D have to re-jig their visiting from other relatives which I kinda feel bad about but it would have been hella worse if the unvaxxed baby breathed all over the immunocompromised elder, so at least everyone involved has consent. We’re also going to do RATs before we leave to ensure none of us are actively illin’.

I am not going to comment about the assault at the Oscars because as far as I can tell, with maybe one exception, every single white person whose comments I’ve seen has applied all the intersectionality of non-Euclidean geometry and all the nuance of a cast iron frying pan flung across the kitchen. Given that I am not the great white hope (sarcasm alert…. sarcasm & POOR CHOICE OF PHRASING alert) of contemporary anti-racism activities and thought, I won’t do better and therefore, if you want to know how I feel about it (I have three main points to make) you can ask me in person, and of your kindness, wear the rainsuit.

I am not going to comment as much about the Russia’s war of aggression against Ukraine. I’m against it; I continue to donate and send letters and whatnot in the background; Putin won’t give up until he’s dead or deposed; Canada is as involved as it reasonably can be and maybe even more so anyplace it can get away with it; Russia and India and China are now doing a pavane and in the end China will crush Russia. In terms of will, planning, execution and numbers, China can’t do anything else.

The suffering of the Ukrainian people, and the Russians dragged into this war by violent paranoid old bigots, is not imaginable by those not experiencing it; we uphold their courage and denounce the frauds who’ve started this terrible slaughter.

6646 words, still waiting on further oomph to finish it. Haven’t seen any kudos yet this morning. I got the wordle in 5 this morning, but it was a complete bear of a word.



New drawings for great grandparents

Alex drew some quite interesting and scary pictures for GGma and GGpa including an absolute bloody masterpiece called ‘Remain Indoors’ which I don’t even want to sent to the great grandparents because I love it so much. He also drew this in red, black and white, his first time using a paint program on a computer:

It’s gruesome, even with the blood being in the inverted colour of teal! There’s blood in everything he draws.  (Not actually, just close.)

We (Jeff and I and Alex) walked to Timmy Ho’s at 7 am and then like idiots left the donuts in front of Alex, who was both tempted and satisfied by the box. We all ate too many donuts; let’s just drop a curtain over that.

He played the 2006 game Burnout: Revenge which involves among other things crashing your car as hard as possible into people minding their own business on the expressway. He slept reasonably well although he rolls over and kicks quite a bit and woke me up a lot. He tried playing the pinball Star Trek but the display was wonky, and he definitely got a couple of tube shots on Xenon. He also played some Tetris on my laptop, his current favourite game Stick To It on his tablet, and some Plants vs Zombies on the xBox. As well as drawing and singing into a kazoo for half an hour, an endeavour which, truth be told, fucking near killed me of boredom and self-control.

We forced him to watch a Cuphead  on Netflix; no comment, and to speak to his great grandma, but he was exceedingly polite about it.

At noon Katie whisked us away to Edmonds community centre, (which has zero entry access to two of the pools and the hot tub! Google what zero entry access means) where I got to hold Ryker for most of an hour (have you ever held seventeen pounds of kick, flail and squirm at arms’ length for an hour?) AND soak in the hot tub AND chase Alex around the lazy river. After my two k walk yesterday morning (it was pleasantly warm and not windy, although overcast) the additional springing, leaping, hopping, and flinging babby around during which he regarded me thoughtfully while pinching me and squirmflailed while smiling at me – all that turned my hip regions into a mess of angry meat strings and twingeing bones. Suzanne came too but I scarcely spoke to her after she arrived because Alex wanted to do something in the coldest pool AT the pool and Katie and I were most unwilling. He was once again very sweet with his little brother and Ryker makes anybody baby-positive sag to the ground with sentiment. Truly remarkable to witness. He’s a nice looking kid but he has this way of squirming and smiling that completely turns your own sensorium against you WITH BABBYINESSSSS.

Jeff found some more ‘Shetland’ that we hadn’t seen and gosh but I love that show and also Douglas Henshall is a very attractive middle aged man. Once again when you affix the number of people who die in each episode to the actual population of Shetland (just over 22k on several islands) it’s like the murder rate in ‘Hudson and Rex’; just about as bad as possible compared to the reality.

Paul’s in the US. He’s apparently gone for a week. I could go on about this but those who need to know already know and those who don’t can do nothing, so I am just going to leave it out there.

6076 words total so far; two kudos night before last.  Three more this morning.

This daguerreotype of a young woman was recovered from the SS Central America, a ship that sank in 1857 with 21 tonnes of gold. Isn’t she purty? love the dress and hair.

Copyright California Gold Marketing Group


Low energy day

Once again, another day of being tired. I felt dizzy after we got back from the store (didn’t last long, but my balance was shot all day) and after watching a Time Team with Jeff I went back upstairs and …. slept until supper time? I mean I woke up around midnight and couldn’t go back to sleep so more sleep was in order, and I just had a normal night of sleep and feel fine, but that was weird. Fortunately Jeff had both lots of work and lots of squeaky squeaky time (March Madness) to watch.

The little tweety birds have a series of songs and dances that they do to encourage me to put down more seeds. (Juncos and chipping sparrows.) Bought peanuts yesterday for the corbies. They made what I put out disappear in a real hurry.

I mentioned that I ordered a Fluent Pet starter board which will ‘allow’ Buster to talk and they emailed me a 36 page starter guide to read before the six buttons and the panels they sit on get here. I think Jeff is quite dubious, but I am really looking forward to it.

No work on the story because I slept all day but much pondering – the next convo is going to be hard to set up and write so that it flows correctly. One lead character is being an asshole to cover how traumatized they are and the other lead character’s about to drop the hammer and explain (kindly, firmly) that ‘your trauma doesn’t suddenly give you an all access asshole pass’….. Four kudos overnight. The gal who’s reading all my stuff on AO3 is, as promised, reading all my stuff. Squee.

Alex is coming for a sleepover tonight. I’m thinking of doing things a leedle differently than normal but mOm I’ll be trying to give you a call before bedtime tonight so you get to hear his voice. Tomorrow, bouncing around the lazy river at the community centre with my grandsons and co-grandma and Mamabear.

Fuck Ginni Thomas, I hope she goes to hell through a cenote-style sinkhole appearing in the goddamned floor. Stories all over the internet about what a great *** she is.

Despite everything that’s wrong with me yesterday I wrote A NEW INTRO for Gelis and Niccolo (I cannot let go of that song) – one that uses fingerpicking style rather than hammered guitar – and I’m thrilled with it because it just came to me in a lightning flash and there’s a really wonderful rhythmic change that makes me feel like I am, you know, a musician with a little flair, a little showpersonship.

Vyshyvanka are about to get reaaaaallly popular. I predict it. They are the Ukrainian national shirt. Go to Etsy and look it up for examples. The black shirt with buff and gold embroidery made me DIE OF WANT.

Here’s a photo that is really hard to interpret because none of us speak or read Russian. Here we go:

So there we have some bog standard Russian iconography from the days of the Soviet Union. This looks not particularly rude in anyone’s terms, it’s a hammer and sickle with the words “Mow” “and” “Hammer” BUT according to Alexey at Meduza, it’s an extremely sophisticated visual pun.

Why? because ‘Reap’ (aka ‘mow’) is Russian slang for DODGE THE DRAFT and ‘Hammer’ is Russian slang for IGNORE DRAFT NOTICES. So this means that the iconography of the former Soviet Union is now UNIVERSALLY ESTABLISHED as a symbol for draft dodging, inside Russia, and that is to my mind so fucking hilarious I want everyone who reads my blog to know about it!

There’s also a joke going around (not in Russia) that the reason the current war symbol is a ‘Z’ is that, thanks to Russian Engineering, the other two arms of the swastika fell off.

this is Mariupol:

Medvedev is threatening Poland now how charming

2876 words. Very frustrating, had to delete about four hundred words because I was backing myself into a corner. However I’m in good shape now.

Rained nonstop for a day now, but not too heavily.

Three kudos overnight, two for the most recent and one for the one about crashing a glider in a cornfield.

It’s 5 am… think I’ll take a break (I’ve been writing, playing games and cruising Twitter) and consume some terrible media (Taboo.)

Called Mike last night, no answer.

Russia has demanded Ukraine turn over Mariupol this morning, which is a smoking shell of a modern city. Blowing something up and then demanding it, so adult. They’re preventing people from leaving, but at the same time word comes that they’re kidnapping UA citizens and transporting them to captivity in Russia. The spectre of nuclear war or a nuclear exchange flows over us.

from the Kyiv Independent (a more or less accurate news source) on twitter just now:

Greek diplomat after returning from Mariupol: ‘What I saw, I hope no one will ever see.’ Manolis Androulakis left the besieged city on March 15. He said it was joining the ranks of places known for having been destroyed in wars such as “Guernica, Coventry, Aleppo, Grozny.”

Breakfast at the Foreshore diner

I had french toast an’ swossage and coffee and Jeff had the regular breakfast with bacom and coffee and it was very tasty and lorge. Leftovers in the fridge for pecking on throughout the day.

Horrifying Frontline about Putin’s war. It’s available on line but jesus I’m not recommending it because it put both me and Jeff in a foul and bleak place.

mOm got the story in the email finally. To make reading easier, I am thinking of having a password locked area of the site for people to read stories if they log in but I will leave off thinking of the mechanics for when Jeff is not buried in improvements for paying customers.

Happy St. Patricks for those who drink…

555 words into the new story.

Our old home at Valley Springs Ranch – the cottage Dad built. Roberta, David, Mary – we were visiting from Borden.