Day: October 22, 2022

god this is hard

Well I committed an emotional mistake in front of my grandson tonight and I’ll be lucky if I haven’t scarred him for life. Anyway I decided to show him video of what his mum looked like when she was Riker’s age and there is actually video of her, she didn’t get completely eaten by second baby syndrome and not have any pictures. He got to see John when he was slender and hirsute, and then there was Kaitlyn as a toddler and then Grandma Caspell. I backed out of that and then we watched Keith jump out of an aircraft in a tandem jump – had a video taken as a souvenir, and that was awesome, although thanks to the swipe of the passing breeze across his brow his expression was not always as dignified as he might have preferred in retrospect.

He got to see how red and enormous his mother’s infantile hemangioma was – and how it completely vanished. I had a hemangioma when I was born too.

Then I found the video, before in the brilliant sunshine taking off from Lake Weslemkoon, and after, of the crash at Buttonville Airport that nearly took the lives of Paul, Wally Solotow, me and both the kids – Katie in utero.

Hearing my own voice as Paul took video of the crashed aircraft at the darkened side of the runway, calmly saying that Keith took no permanent harm and that if he was experiencing discomfort he’d be crying, put me in no stable state of mind. I’m fine and I’ll be fine since I have a minor child in the house but I IMMEDIATELY changed the name of the file so I never have to watch it again without a goddamned content warning. Bugger me but that was awful. Of course I knew then that Paul was taking video, but the great river of time had released me from that memory, and now I was watching the lopsided aircraft in the terrible light and there it was in realtime.

I ordered mickey d’s for supper for Alex and then forgot to order Jeff’s burger.

8520 words

didn’t get the wordle this morning

sigh

whiplash feels

Woke up and immediately started weeping about the state of the world; sought to distract myself with internet, checked my email and there was a blessed message from Alex the Gamer via his mother, indicating that he desired to hang out here and have an overnight. Maybe he only cares about the donuts in the morning but apparently I’m the one he wants to see. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have two sets of grandparents close by when I was growing up. I hope I help make him so many happy memories that they all start to blur together.

I need to put together some activities for him, I was very low energy the last time he was here.

Drought in the US is very concerning for food supplies across the planet. I imagine many domestic animals will a) not be purchased, because there’s no fodder and b) be slaughtered early because there’s no fodder. Meat prices have no option but to rise.

Managed the wordle in four this morning – without cheating.

The ladies who lunch and love Dunnett are being quite clear in their comms regarding a Dunnett lunch this year… Zoom or a breezy warmed patio to eat. One said that COVID is still happening no matter what politicians and pundits want you to believe, and she’s quite right. I await the decision of the group. I’m kinda hoping for a patio, but you know me, any chance of a trough and brew and I shake off my bleak rationalizations and get in a cab.

8267 words on Part II.

Jeff got me a two salads a burger and a shake last night. It was very good to eat.

Good morning to everyone except the woman who threatened to call the police on a man taking his daughter to the women’s washroom at Walmart. (someplace in the states).

Steve Bannon got four months. As an abolitionist I can’t approve. As a human being with a wilderness of conflicting political trends inside me, I hope he uses the opportunity for reflection, perhaps some self-improvement.