Category: Family

sunshine

Got a couple of turns around the park in yesterday.

Suzanne came, cleaned and departed. We had the back door wide open most of the time she was here and it really felt wonderful, a ginyouwine spring clean. Should have seen Suzanne’s face when I told her that Daxus and I had had an adult conversation about something of import to both of us. (And that I ran away with my tail between my legs, yes I did, but it’s all good.)

Still feel empty and irritable but nothing like earlier this week. Jeff has news on the client front that I’ll let him share when he’s ready.

We’re rewatching Zone Blanche and my very parasocial love affair with the adjutant known as “Nounours” (Teddy Bear, which he is) is renewed.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/13a885350d42e08383550b11382a7ced/5c31f4593020b6e5-68/s400x600/11c41aefd2bc867d9d0365ea1630e2563fc1e02e.gifv

abovenoted is a tyrannosaurus on a skateboard

Apparently Keith and Paul are off to the States this weekend.

Laundry and fridge duty today I fear.

“Margaret’s Hope” tea from Great Wall Tea tastes like frikkin soap.

(later) I just got off the phone from North York General Hospital and Dave’s been admitted. He’s in room 334 on 3 North. He’s in isolation but I’m hoping to contact him later today as he was asleep just now.

I swore I’d never get on an airplane again. I may break my vow.

 

today’s reason to cry

I’m fighting a viral infection according to my bloodwork – let’s just say it came as a complete surprise since no fever, no cough, no real symptoms except gut raunch and I can’t really relate that to illness thanks to how weird my gut has always been – and my liver and kidneys are not working properly. The kidneys part I’m not worried about since I was dehydrated for literally the first time in weeks, but the liver enzymes are worrying.

I’m taking steps but I’m just messed up right now. One of my few consolations is food. I just want to die. (This is what is known as an exaggeration for effect. I want a cessation of effort regarding nourishing food, which is different.)

Keith was here and cooked and fed us beef and bean chili and it continues to be nom. I made biscotti. They turned out excellent, but texturally quite different to what I’m used to since I added the butter to the flour and not the eggs. I now have to get them out of my house before I hurt myself eating half a batch. That should not be a problem. Keith has warned me not to just leave them where Paul can find them; like me he has a hard time not motoring through them.

Errands and Paul and biscotti fae

got a call midmorning from Katie saying that what with Paul being alone in the house while Keith and Alex are off in Saamich and Dax and Katie being at work he might be lonely.

So I used the opportunity to drop off his household’s biscotti portion, get a meal into him at Pho Edmonds, ran biscotti over to Sue and to Peggy, walked in Fraser Foreshore (JEEEBUS it was cold and Paul was definitely having mobility issues, although he perked up after a few hundred metres), and picked up a bag of walkway salt for his household after I noticed they were almost out of it (paid a swingeing great price for it too but it’s 20 kilos and who knows how long the salt will last in the stores, so I’m glad I did it, glad, I tell you), and then a couple of party favours from the Bohemian.

Once again he greeted me by asking me whose idea it was to take away his licence. I told him his license is in his wallet, same as always, and now that he’s had symptoms like chatting with people who aren’t there it’s too dangerous for him to drive. If he wants to book and pass a drivers test in BC he can drive again no matter what his doctor says, and he objected most strenuously to this and asserted that I couldn’t pass a drivers test either and my driving was terrible. As best as I can make out, he wants me to get a dementia diagnosis as well, but as long as my LPI on Lumosity is over 1400 I’m not doing any such goddamned thing. My performance stats are above 80th percentile for every game for people my age and over 95th percentile for 5 out of the 7 categories (I do worst in math but still better than 4/5 people my age). I do not have dementia. Has driving in Vancouver, recently rated the 2nd worst city in NA for traffic, RUINED my driving??? POSSIBLY. But I don’t need to surrender my licence yet.

Since Paul says this to me every time we get together in an attempt to get me to admit it’s my fault, I stopped inserting myself in the picture and told him what to do to fix it.  Thirty seconds later he tells me he keeps missing appointments and he’s anxious about his skull scan. The lack of insight which characterizes his ailment is a sore trial, but he has not stopped being loveable good company when he’s not grumping about the shitty hand he’s been dealt.

Peggy’s biscotti response:

No one seems to know where the bag of biscotti came from. I tested them for poison and survived. It was necessary to have a second test to be sure.

I am suspicious that they came from you and just wanted to say thank you

My response to this:

It was hilarious. I tried the door and came in. I said, Hello this house. Then I said Hello this house, louder, and Kali ran up barking and I assumed the sniff hand position and said in a jolly voice, relax Kali you know me. I could hear voices (?) coming from the downstairs bathroom, the door of which was closed, and not wanting to linger and loving the idea that I could just manifest biscotti in your house, I put the biscotti on the counter, ensured that the dog did not escape and the door was in fact latched, and departed, to Paul, who was waiting in the car.

Sue’s response:

I was out getting a mani/pedi and when I came home, love was at my door. ????????

Sue

That was so sweet of you. I’m sorry I wasn’t home but not sorry cause it was such a wonderful surprise. I shall have biscotti with hot sweet tea this very evening.

bathtub dive and Alex pickup

I just found out you can sing into the extra soundhole on this Riversong ukulele and get absolutely wild harmonic effects. Also, yesterday I learned THE ORIGINAL LYRICS to the ‘2 & 20 Blues’ and they completely change the tone of the song. I shall herewith demonstrate: The very first line is “There’s evil men in this DOGGONE town” but the way my ex (and Dr Filk) taught it was ‘GODDAMN’ and that really changes things. First is worldweary, second is angry, and the song is resigned, not angry. The very last line is “You may say that I’m wrong but you know I FEEL all right.” I was taught ‘I’LL BE’. The singer is OKAY IN THE PRESENT, not sometime in the future. But right now! The song’s about grabbing life where and when you can, not hoping you’ll be happy sometime.

Thank you for attending this bathtub dive into 2 & 20 Blues by Linda Morrison, pressed 1981.

Continue reading bathtub dive and Alex pickup

dying inside a little

I’m going to find and start going to a dementia support group. I can’t spend all my spare cycles whining to Jeff and mOm and expect to actually improve in my ability to cope with it. I need strategies and people going through this to provide their experiences. Yesterday was very humbling and I wish I was a better person. I need better strategies on what to say to Paul when he starts talking about driving again.

It was a nice walk. Gut punch that Cobbs Bakery is gone from Market Crossing. I was going to bring croissants home to my excellent housemate and nah girl it’s gone.

I also need to incorporate social activities with Paul in a proper schedule and quit doing the by guess and by god thing; Mondays and Wednesdays look good for various reasons.

I am continuing to make assumptions about our family situation without cause, and getting bit in consequence. I’ve been up for hours stewing.

Twitter told me I exceeded my post limit for the day. Which wasn’t true, but it happened to almost everybody else on twitter yesterday. The outrage this morning is as predictable as it is weary.

Persistent hiccups. 17766 words. Suzanne’s coming today and all I can think about is how I was so interested in following Paul around that I didn’t do all my own errands so now I have to make a quick cash stop this morning. At least I put gas in the Echo yesterday, it was bone dry.

I literally have to pacify myself for a few minutes if I’m leaving the house in the car. If Jeff is driving not so much but Paul’s new behaviour is relentlessly critiquing my driving and strangely getting my own fed back to me is not cheering me up. Because of course in the Before Times I was on Paul all the time about it….

Some dude named Mic Wright in UK @brokenbottleboy on twitter has made a journalism about all the nepo journalists in the UK AND You Would Think He’d Killed his Mam on the basis of the parade of butthurt journos dragging themselves like sentient target practice through his feed. Here’s the link, and it keeps changing. He added a professional magician to the list mostly out of spite, since literally people are texting him and asking to be added while others mock him for doing it and telling him ‘he’ll never work in journalism’ and it’s like YOU FUCKING IDIOT, WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT THIS IS??? LIKE SERIOUSLY are you the stupidest person in the world besides me?

So I’ve been avoiding watching the Supernatural spinoff the Winchesters because that show tore my heart out through my solar plexus and I don’t need more, so I’m laughing this morning about how the writers really messed up by (checks notes) burning a Golem in an oven and let’s just say that throwing a NOTABLY JEWISH supernatural monster INTO AN OVEN was a big whoopsie and the fandom is shuffling its feet and saying ah guys antisemitism but not in a mean way because everyone’s scared of the irrational fuckers who run the network. So I’m just here to say if this is accurately represented yes it’s antisemitism. It was bad yesterday too. I predict it will continue bad, since antisemitism is the first structural member of a modern fascist.

Told a rich white guy on twitter to stick to aviation because as a semioticist he bites burls, so that tells you how particularly ‘squid with spicy salt’ I am this morning. He was fucking bloviating about AI.

ANFSCD: If your children aren’t drug addicts and voluntarily speak to you, please be grateful. You don’t know how good you have it.

more fizzling and chortling

My my my.

So the family meeting that was supposed to happen about Paul’s future did not happen because Katie wanted to be involved and she couldn’t be until tomorrer, which is now today.

“Beep beep beep” goes the alarm on the door as Jeff leaves the house to get some Timmy Ho’s.

Ah, wonder what wonders of glaziery he will turn up.

Anyhoo, while I’m over there having lunch because that was still on offer Jan phoned Keith and told him she was in town and could be at Edmonds station soon (she was a walk-on for the ferry because she cheerfully admitted she had zero stomach for driving around the lower mainland, which looks like the wild west to everyone else in BC on the media what with every truck on the road having bad brakes, thousands of people on the road driving under suspension or without ICBC coverage, and the one in one hundred likelihood that the fucker in the Audi next to you has had A FUCKING SNOOTFUL at 11:30 in the morning and will blow so far over that the cop administering the test visibly flinches). Keith of course joyfully accepted and since he’d been given back his car by Suzanne (that all went smoothly for Keith, as usual it was a gong show on Suzanne’s end because her and bureaucracy are ‘mongoose vs cobra: the rematch’), he went to pick her up and then went and picked up foodicles for supper and picked up his nephew from school and we all chatted in the living room at Caspell Junction and drank lashings of tea.

Alex came home and I briefly interacted with him before he got on Minecraft (Keith was also playing with him for a while) and then Katie got home. She was supposed to drive Alex out to be with his dad in Langley for an overnight after which hang out with Jessica for the evening and when she was making final phone arrangements with Daxus, he pointed out that it might make more sense if she stayed put and he picked Alex up and then she could go straight to Coquitlam, because I’ve done that transfer once with Katie and it’s AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF DRIVING. (Dax is keeping his place for the foreseeable, for various good reasons.) So Katie got to stay and visit with Jan AND THEN NITA AND HER DOG ELLA ARRIVED. SWEET PUPPY. Likes people, not crazy about other dogs.

Where was Ryker in all this? Daddy Mike’s care day, safe in his other grandma’s care.

I was very emotionally exhausted by that point and also realized that I might be in someone’s parking spot so I made my way home, whereupon I was made aware that Mike had called.

He came over, bearing a brand new ukelele. He played it a bit (sounded fantastic) and then I realized he had it customized with my name – backwards. So welcome Argella, you are my latest instrument. Unlike most ukes, Argella has a spine that runs her length, so she would actually be the single most useful ukelele for a bar fight, plus she has a tuner and pickup. HEAVY tho so I need to find that uke strap.

Then we watched The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent with him and ate halibut and chips and also shrimp and took much joy in our little social gathering.

My bucket, it’s full. THEN I GOT ENOUGH SLEEP. Woke up just in time to set up my medications for the week and take them this morning and then Jeff came back from Timmy Ho’s so we had a Tim(e) Team breakfast (the Smallhythe episode, the one where Tony sprays Phil with a hose.)

I am so happy right now. It won’t last but I report it so I can come back and relive it later.

 

Good morning morning

I am alternately fizzing and chortling and weepin’ and wailin, so EMOTIONAL LABILITY is the text du jour.

Jan Maxwell’s package arrived and I may now announce to the world that I have a book about art, anarchists and explosions; THE SCREAM BY EDVARD MUNCH ***socks*** (Jeff got the other pair), a large original pride flag, a Star Wars doodle book, a carven penis keychain (Jeff declined but since I’ve been thinking about the amazing generative power of dicks lately I’m fine with it). Plus a letter and postcard and a yellow “Reading is Sexy” pin, which Jeff got.
 
In the continued spirit of giving I today delivered biscotti unto the needy (that would be Peggy, who fell on the first cookie like she hadn’t had a meal in two days in a most gratifying explosion of crunches and crumbs) and puppy-faced at the Lundervilla (this last a dig at Joe, who freaking Poured It On when he Found the Bag no seriously his puppy face could stop planetary rotation) and pounded down two cups of tea while inhaling church and family news and sharing my own.
 
Then to Caspell Junction, wherein I beheld my quondam husband and our very much in the present son who was cheerful over his passport arriving. I further beheld Suzanne who was returning the car Keith had loaned her, which means that Keith can now drive his pop to the States to visit Janice and housemate Hank. Since I wasn’t required to drive Paul anywhere I made my way home and fell on the Jan package and the croissant Jeff brought home after his work visit this morning. I came home floating on a pleasant cloud of most desirable and informative social interactions. (Except for some, and I have to thank Keith for standing up for me in all that, no more details on offer.)
Because it’s preferable to thinking about how today Keith and I are sitting down with Paul to talk about Powers of Attorney and care instructions because we’re getting to the point. That point. A point I do not want to get to. But it’s very very definitely in view.  Okay scratch that, full family meeting on Saturday instead; Katie is going to be there.

a little list

  1. Pork chops of superlative tenderness achieved. Last two were fossilized so it made a nice change. Roasted potatoes and Brussels sprouts dressed with sesame oil to go with.
  2. Three whole loads of laundry. Not put away of course but I’ll make an attempt.
  3. We’re going to get a buttload of cold weather. I’m hoping the furnace makes it.
  4. Brief call with Katie; she’s managing.
  5. Janice did not come this weekend.
  6. 15275 words
  7. Twitter is continuing to make circling the void/drain/black hole noises.

omnibus again

  1. today’s wordle can best be solved if you put the word ‘Arrrr!’ in front of it.
  2. Halibut for lunch yesterday. It was so capacious it served for the rest of the day. I know it’s got a lot of salt but goddam I want the leftover poutine for brekky
  3. Pork chops for lunch or supper today. Johnson Pork is superior, just mentioning it again.
  4. No word comes from Caspell Junction. Is Janice there? Is she not there? I’m almost scairt to ask.
  5. Fascist brand ‘Diagolon’ leader Jeremy MacKenzie has been fired by Scotiabank. He reports to the Western Standard “I have 30 days to find alternative means of financing the mortgage on the home, where my children live & everything else you could imagine.”  I can imagine a lot of scummy things living with a neoNazi so thanks for that little kick at the end of sentence there. I personally have no beef with this kids, who will either turn out to be just like him or the BUCKwildest climate activists in Canada, that’s just how things turn. In a letter he received from the bank, no other reason than, “The bank has determined this relationship is outside of its risk appetite,” was given. LOLOLOL
  6. I was disturbed to view a Hudson & Rex episode (S5E7) in which the writers came out firmly against MAiD being offered after a deliberate medical failure to treat illness – regarding prisoners, in jail. Not a peep about disabled people tho… only watch the show for Mayko Nguyen and the dog, Diesel, anyway, I grumpily add. Once you start looking for the Canadian cultural lietmotif of disability erasure it’s frelling everywhere. thank you @mssinenomine for helping shift my viewpoint (which still needs work, my internalized ableism IS IMMENSE) *this item copied from my twitter
  7. Everything peaceful around here.  Time to locate caffeine and squeeeeeky cheese curds on poutine.

Best

I went to my appointment. I have lost two kilos without noticing. I only lose weight when I’m stressed. My blood pressure is perfect. I got a flu shot (my arm feels like it’s falling off and I’m tired.) My sugars continue to come down. Nurse recommended CBT but apparently that doesn’t work with aneurotypicals with a justice bent and I was so happy to read on twitter reasons why my last exposure to it made me unreasonably angry and DIDN’T WORK …that was when I was still working for company x.

I love it when people dismiss your social justice yearnings as unrealistic or childish don’t you? or actively psychiatrize them. I won’t say more. Anyway, I don’t want CBT, I want talking therapy with someone more intelligent than me and I’ll just let you understand what a simp I am from that.

After the appointment which was reasonably on time, I drove over to see Keith at his place and picked up the stuff that mOm and pOp had given him to bring back to us in Vancouver.

We had a lovely short visit. Kids were in school or at their other other grandmother’s whose name is Christine; Paul was snoozing on the sofa in the LR. I came home and having performed two whole errands, including driving, I enslothed myself. Called Dave, and that was a lovely call. I’d gone looking for William S Burroughs Jr. on line and found David Ohle and from there found ‘Motorman’ his first novel and read to Dave 2 descriptions of the work which were so intriguing I decided I may actually purchase it.

15174

In an hour or so we’ll fetch groceries. Off to Lumosity to see about that brain of mine.

This afternoon I’ll be visiting Jeromie in his new homie.

 

Jeff’s facebook post

Yesterday morning I spent a happy few minutes playing with a tiny jumping spider, who was exploring my computer displays. At first I just watched him walking around, gathering himself for a mighty leap, then vanishing and instantly reappearing a few centimeters away. Occasionally he would pause, turn to face me directly, and stare at me for a while. I waved at him, wondering how I would react if he waved back. He eventually wandered onto the display surface of one screen, and I noticed that he seemed to be reacting to movement on the screen. I moved the mouse pointer towards him, and he reacted immediately, turning to face it. He tracked its every movement as long as it was within a few centimeters. Every once in a while, he attacked, springing forward to grasp the pointer, then pausing with his forward legs splayed out. Much like a cat playing with a laser pointer. At one point I led him to the part of the screen where my music app shows a series of bars representing frequency bands. He stopped moving and seemed transfixed by the hectic motion of the bars. “…jumping spiders have been shown by experiment to be capable of learning, recognizing, and remembering colors, and adapting their hunting behavior accordingly.” (from Wikipedia.)

Visit from Mike

/ the great Guilt Trip. more on that later.

He brought a bag of perfect mandarins and little oranges for new year.

We ordered from Fusioncore Japanese, the three of us, and watched some TV and hung out and talked. After Jeff went to bed Mike asked the my uke that he just restrung with very plangent strings and he played (in rapid succession) about ten tunes that I had no idea he knew on ukulele, all the way from Nobody Knows You When You’re Down and Out to Who’ll Stop the Rain. I mean, he only just BOUGHT a uke. He’s absolutely loving the instrument.

All in all a good day, even if I left a message for Paul and never followed up so I never got him out of the house. And slept more than I should. And didn’t pick up my inderal.

And after Mike handed the uke back I said, I have something unpleasant to say and I have to get it over with.

“I tried so hard to love the Blue Lava guitar you gave me. I tried playing it, playing with the cool electronics, compose on it. I couldn’t love it. I know usually when I get a new instrument the other instruments are mad and they are left alone while I have New Instrument Energy with My New Fave. But it never happened with this guitar. May I give it back to you?”

And he said thank you for telling me.

I knew where all the bits and bobbles were, and packed it up along with the Instant Pot insert and Bouillon he left her from New Years. I felt so relieved because Mike just didn’t take it the wrong way.

I am so fortunate in my friends.

everyone have a hellafine day. Wordle and Lumosity done, I’m in good shape today.

COVID data resource for Canadians.

14678 words

 

 

Car’s back

Paul insisted on paying for half of it. It was the rear O2 sensor. Parts and labour were well under $400 which was fair. Keith, because he is wonderful, took care of driving on the ‘picking up the car’ end. I am fortunate.

Suzanne is very much enjoying Lucky. Like many Russian Blue coloured cats, Lucky enjoys playing fetch.

I have to run off to the pharmacy this morning. I didn’t note that I was out of Metformin so I’m taking care of that as soon as it opens. In the meantime I think I’m going to make myself an eggie on toastie.