mood crashed again

after a couple of days of feeling better I’m feeling iffy again. I think I’ll force myself out of the house to go to a farmer’s market up at Brentwood this morning. Jeff hasn’t shown any interest in going, so I’ll suit up and take the bus, since it’s just one hop.

The pumpkins and the two surviving sunflowers are doing well, and I did get some carrots.  Everything else in my garden sucks because you have to water things. My mOm knows about how to get things to grow but I’m forgetful and lazy and those are two things a farmer cannot be.

Five hundred words on the fanfic. Inexperienced character is being exposed to ETOH, hijinks ensue. (ETOH means al k hall)

Image Erica Henderson, Eisner-winning artist, made this

@ericafails on twitter




Looking Inside Myself, 2002, carved whalebone by Susie Silook, artist of Siberian Yupik, Inupiaq descent


Rogers, 2012, Post Gazette

Rob Rogers was fired from the Post Gazette in 2018 because all mainstream media outlets in the US are owned by right wing oligarchs

ah the good old days – open in a new tab and it should be (just barely) readable.


Post COVID paper

Infographic about post-COVID

If you click on it, it expands to a readable size.

Katie and Mike BOTH dropped by yesterday, Mike to pick up lentil soup and drop off sous-vide chicken breasts, nom, and Katie to just lay eyes on me and tell me about her life updates, which include what appears to be a shot at being happy, so, I’m like. YEAH SURE I want you to be happy, why the fuck wouldn’t I. She’s known him since high school, it’s not like he fell out of the sky. I haven’t met him, mostly because I don’t have to during a pandemic, but Paul and Keith have.

We talked about how the world is half mad with grief, and those who show no grief show fear and anger.

No walkies with Paul.

Made more lentil soup, made more dough for cinnamon buns; the ones I made yesterday morning are, like, gonzo. I guess Jeff and I really really liked them.

Finished watching season two of the Alienist. It’s much like the first season in some ways, but they handled a trope about as tastefully as one can, and the man follows the woman to her new job rather than the other way around, so that was a nice break, and there was an extremely satisfying revenge killing, one of the best and promptest ever. You killed my brother, I ain’t giving you the CHANCE to prepare to die, I’m just going to shoot you in the back. YES.

When I was researching the show I learned that the author of the original source material had a family story that possibly affected his writing; his dad committed a murder that was embedded in scandal and served time for it. Then he had a fifty year career in newspapers. I wish I was a white guy.


This is a Balmain dress from the 50s. Dress looks like she was hung by her heels, dipped in white chocolate and rolled in glitter-encrusted dust bunnies.

Lazy Day

While Paul was here I handed him the phone and a beer. It was delightful to see how much he enjoyed talking to mOm, and mOm has long considered him a worthy in-law.

We took two turns around the 12th Ave School circuit and sat in the shade and watched a number of people not wear masks. I wore a mask anyway, the one to support the Vancouver Aquarium, which has turned into my go to mask because it fits well and is comfy.


I had a couple of days, most of a week, of feeling much better, but I’m feeling very jaded and unhopeful at the moment. I despise Trump and all of his minions and supporters so much, but I guess there’re historical precedents for an entire culture of people being so convinced of their superiority that a devastating war is the only way to slow them down.

Buster trained twice yesterday with vigour. Then he flops on the floor and looks cute. Yes Jeff he got his Sunday dinner.

Saved seeds yesterday. Practiced. Watched some TV but not a lot. Watered the garden. Fed a friend. Made soup. Cleaned a few things. Finally used up that cabbage head which has been unprofitably rolling around the fridge, and made fried cabbage with onions and chunks of steak. Only added half a teaspoon of salt as seasoning, but damn it was good, and that was dinner. Also phoned Mike to tell him there’s some really good soooooop waiting for him here.

sleep sleep sleep

Got some bad news the other day and I’m still processing it, mostly by sleeping. I’ll comment publicly after I get the test results, probably a week at least. Side note to mOm, who will worry— it’s not that big a deal, I’m just easily crushed these days and once again I’ll be asked to change all of my eating habits, which I am seriously disinclined to do.

Can’t I just quietly die ? <—– what a wuss. And no, that’s just me being drama llama’s fave hanger-on.


Also, the fact that I’m getting this news a couple of months after I think I had COVID is really, really pissing me off. There are so many things we don’t know, but I won’t be a bit surprised if I’m not the only person this happened to, although proof will take years.


I keep getting dizzy spells – and really, really weird physical symptoms, like, check this out. All the hair on my face (not my scalp, my face) stood on end and then I got a paresthesia that my face had solidified and was now melting down my skull. (Didn’t hurt, just felt indescribably WEIRD.) This was about an hour ago. If I hadn’t also had the biggest scintillating scotoma of my life fifteen minutes before that I’d think I was going mad, but it’s obviously migraine related. The scotoma started as a jigsaw dragon of panelled rainbow light, faded into a pale green smear and then parked itself over my right visual field for about a minute.

Anyway, my balance is not great as I wander around the house but it seems to be okay when I leave the house to walk around, so who knows what the hell this is, besides something unwelcome and novel and probably a sign that I’ll stroke out at some point, even though my blood pressure is not that high at the moment.

Spoke to Dave yesterday; he strongly recommended the latest Dylan album and hoo boy, Rough and Rowdy Ways was loads of fun and I genuinely liked the entire album except for the Key West song.


feeling better

Kidneys appear to be behaving. Tests today, finally; Jeff has very kindly offered to drive me as I’m not keen on walking.

We’re blasting through season 2 of Elementary and enjoying it tremendously.

Off to breakfast this morning with Jeff. Also have to pick up some hardware from Tom Lee today, which involves GASP  going downtown.

completely stalled on writing and editing. Still practicing every day though.

sorry about the radio silence

Basically I started drinking beer when I got there, stopped around 7 pm, started having kidney grit again around 2 am, peed into a cup at one point because I couldn’t make it from the trailer to the house, and man, continence is A WHOLE THING of beauty and you really appreciate it when you don’t have it. I woke Jeff up around 6:30 the next morning and we talked it through, whether we wanted to leave in case I got worse, ended up getting the 9 o’clock ferry, more or less, and was greeted by an exceedingly noisy Buster.

But kidney grit aside….

We had an awesome time, can’t say how much, it was balm for my soul. And Jeff is of much the same mind. Brought a PILE of guest gifts mostly to indicate how grateful I am to have access to a miniature Baumfest. Anyway why take flowers? I brought vegetation of a different kind. Also a plaque showing Percy Saltzman saying Tonight’s forecast: low standards, alcohol and poor decisions. I thought Al was about to lose his mind when he saw that. I also brought them four capshields with hardware.

Drank beer ate fishburgers and other food, listened to the waterfall – they have a WATERFALL you can hear FROM THEIR YARD listened to their incredible playlist on spotify and around ten I got to sleep in their extremely comfy trailer in the side yard. I FELL IN LOVE with that trailer, it’s incredible me-sized.



This little exchange on the internet may NOT GO AS PLANNED for grandpa but he’ll be dead when his grandson eulogizes him as ‘the man who really accepted my sexuality’ LOLOLOLOL



Jaw gaping, reading this.


If you click on this to ‘open in new tab’ it’ll be big enough to read. Since it’s copyrighted material I’m not retyping it.

Wow, have a little racism with your nursing textbook. from

on twitter. She says and I quote
For those asking, the name of the book is “Nursing: A Concept Based Approach to Learning” published by Pearson.
in 2017, in case you’re wondering
They’ve since apologized and removed the passage after receiving backlash, but this doesn’t change the fact that medical racism is prevalent through our society TODAY.
Keith is off to practice social distance grandsonning in Saanich this weekend and of course we’re all twittery about that but also I am so glad, because we’re all so lonesome for each other these days.
Noted human trafficker, pilot and scumbag procurer to the richest assholes on this beleagured planet, Ghislaine Maxwell, has been arrested in New Hampshire. Current betting is that she’ll be dead in days; there are literally hundreds of millionaires and billionaires than cannot afford that she live to roll on them. Like Epstein, she’s dead, and there will be two people at her funeral.
suppose your kid does something to piss you off. Here’s a tip. Before the kid is old enough to wind you up on purpose, you’re the adult, suck it up. After the kid is old enough to wind you up on purpose, you trained them and you’re still the adult, so suck it up. This has been a message from an old sad parent


Took Jeff out for breakfast (a treat), talked to my doc on the phone and got a requisition for blood and urine work (that’ll be Monday, I guess) and drove in rush hour traffic to the pedorthist and got underway for new orthotics.

Allegra presents with a history of custom orthotic use and requires an update. She is significantly overpronated left>right with hindfoot valgus, medial ankle shift and forefoot abduction. Custom orthotics will help realign the hindfoot and control overpronation. Supportive footwear with a stiff heel counter are recommended.

Translation: the top of of my right foot hurts like a mofo, my left ankle bulges in when I walk on the inside like it’s going to just collapse, my left great toe joint is really stressed and I should never not wear orthotics when I’m upright evar again.

I think it’s possible some more grit came down the pipe this morning.

Then I had a simply splendid night of sleep only to wake up with something moving shit around in the yard. Sadly I had to stop in the john before I went out on the deck and by the time I’d finished washing my hands whatever it was had scarpered.

I’ve donated money to Pivot in the past. Herewith, some success.

So I’m actually feeling like I pushed that peanut today.


up late

I’m awake because as far as I can tell, the other kidney (left) is hocking a loogie into my plans. This is more abdominal pain than the other side and of course I’m no longer sleeping soundly. I couldn’t even climb the stairs at the end of the viewing day last night, just crashed on the couch. I woke up around 11 and it’s been heavy sledding ever since.

I’m going to doze for the rest of the night when I can – this hurts a fair amount without currently feeling life threatening – and talk to Jeff about next steps in the morning.


l8r – pain lasted until about 5 when I got a little more sleep — it’s now 8 am and I feel gross but the pain has lifted

l8r – it’s 11 am and we just went for a 1k walk in the warm and pleasant sun. I feel bruised but micturation and ambulation are both much improved

Off to Planet Bachelor today

Going to go love on my pipples for a while, this afternoon. I will need a walk so I’m planning on walking over. (later…. not so much, I think I’m working on cystitis or a kidney stone.  Katie is going to drop by later but it’s 10 am and I’m going back to rest.) also thanks to Jeff for being supportive

Trump, trumpity trump I don’t feel sorry for him at all.

Korean pop fans, who for whatever reason have decided to throw their likes behind Black Lives Matter (k-pop is SUPA problematic about cultural appropriation re contemporary black music, but the fans are pure uwu softness) (uwu is emoji talk for ‘cute’ as in HF MY PANCREAS DONE GOT EXPLODEY), reserved a million tickets for Trump’s rally and then because even the GOP voters in Tulsa fitfully experience self-preservation instincts, only 19K showed up.

This morning the feeds are full of the names of bands that got more people into that arena – paying bums in seats – than Trump did. How freude was my schaden.

Also in my feed this morning; antifa rescused a person being pressed to the ground by a single riot policeman with one of the most sincerely launched flying kicks I’ve ever seen. Antifa one, cop sent flying.

San Diego sent TWO THOUSAND youths on skateboards down one of the main drags; full props to whoever managed to do that WHILE HOLDING A HUGE SIGN.

Spoke to Jan and Jim yesterday…. how good to hear their voices.




an observation

Let’s just say, you mouldering pile of cloth-hearted lickspittles known as ‘economists’, that a lot more epidemiologists predicted an economy-crashing pandemic than you did. Fuck all y’all.

and from my fave ER nurse, this gem, half of which I don’t even get:



The foregoing image is a bingo card of ER drugs and their uses/personalities.


Andexxa is when you actually need the patient’s blood to clot

TDaP is actually a vaccine – tetanus

Rocuronium is a muscle relaxant of choice for intubation


Acetylcysteine for Acetominophen overdose and also loosens mucous

Succinylcholine Also for intubation



more hypochondria and RIP Mel Baggs

Mel Baggs the disabled activist is dead. Sie went into hospital a couple of days ago, not sure why, and hir last post was about how alienating the hospital was. That made me cry.

I must sadly say that I followed hir on twitter for a while and stopped because I found what sie said unchallenging and the way sie said it so annoying that I couldn’t deal with it. I kept wanting to argue with hir or high key mock hir and if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s not to white lady on people, so I just backed off.

Now sie’s dead and I’m reading her blog. Reading the temporal lobe epilepsy symptoms on hir blog freaked me out, since at various points in my life I’ve had symptoms identical; just never all at once.

I have a deeply weird brain, but I’m quite attached to it. Mel also pointed out that ‘status migraine aura’ is possible which is when you’re in a migraine state all the time without head pain. I’ve gone months like that.