Category: Domestic Life

Villainess cry of impotent rage

I am considering not expiring of impotent rage but enacting this involves voluntarily going out when the rain is occasionally coming down sideways. Will it be invigorating?

Comes the voice, dripping with scorn, of John… “I won’t dignify that with an answer.”

Aware. It’s hard to find the holy in the hellfire. Moloch’s marching up with thousands of human servants and my terror is a place I try to stuff into a reasonable sized compartment. Now I understand why apocalyptic stuff is so figurative, how do you describe a transition zone of culture when shit just quits working and even the rich (rarely, especially the rich) are having a tough time.

Sometimes I think about ideas and governance and self governance and (my always favourite) moderated delegated consensus across people’s aspirations, needs and capacities. I think I’m minutes from a breakthrough. Now that’s what I call gullibility. It is, and always has been, a feature, a very distinct feature, of my autistic nature.

Will I stop being such a feckin’ nervous Nellie? Of course in our family Nellies weren’t nervous.

I send hogs and kisses to my pOp, because he’s feeling porely, although well enough to comment on his own behalf (usually relayed through mOm on the phone). If he’s in the room he’s in on the conversation. I always enjoy mOm passing along the message because either she’s trying to truncate the message to meet pOp’s stringent requirements with respect to What is Germane? or she’s trying to get the quote exactly right, and either way, for unintentional comic effect it’s an experience with few peers. Okay without the sevenhundred thousand injokes it might not be the same experience for you. But for me and mOm and pOp it’s about as much of a communal experience as you get these days. But this isn’t the phone, so Hogs and Kisses pOp.

continued midsection weirdness

I’m fine this morning but once again had abdominal discomfort last night. Not exactly pain, just weirdness, in more or less the same place as before.

Didn’t stop me from making salad, chicken thighs and baked yams for tea.

Now waiting for the Expanse season/series finale on January 14. Please, no asteroids strike the planet between now and then (although we had another near miss last night, did you hear about that? 1/4 the distance to the moon, that little rock whipped by…)

I am going to quite openly state that although I am not at risk of self-harm and I’m not in any danger, my mental health is as bad as it’s been since the pandemic started. I just don’t feel like doing anything. What’s the point? my poor raddled body brain thinks. So if you get a phone call from me it’s because I’ve bobbed up through this state of mind long enough to contact someone and be civil… the rest of the time I don’t even want to imagine how a phone call might go. And despite all this Jeff and I are prioritizing being civil to each other. The idea of going through this pandemic without peace at home makes me feel like lightning.

I’m so worried for Alex. Ryker is breastfed and his mother’s vaccinated so he’ll likely be okay, but Alex has asthma and I’m so scared for him. Who knows when in class instruction will start again. (oh, apparently it has already o.O)

I was working on a poem about the Moloch energy and now I can’t because the child sacrificer is standing right in front of us all. It’s terrifying.

abdo pain

So… the pain went until about 8:30, 9 pm last night. I very slowly found a position that would allow me to breathe without it hurting. Pain was diffuse and on the right side of my abdomen, with referred pain up to my right shoulderblade.

Was it a kidney stone? Gas? My digestive tract twisting? Grumbly appendix? Surgical adhesions being crabby? Liver pain (and if so, what from??) Indigestion? Some new weird form of heartburn? (Tums didn’t really help, but didn’t hurt either)… it lasted the best part of 8 hours and was really horrible.

Slept until 1:30 and now can’t go back to sleep. Sigh.

I will do my best not to complain…

Normally I spend some time talking to Suzanne while she’s here and I was literally too fucked up to say more than a few words to her. She visited Ryker yesterday while dropping Alex off after a sleepover and she says he’s grown a BUNCH… which as pOp has observed many times, they tend to do at this age.

We’ve started Expanse S6

Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters Afterlife was a perfectly charming addition to the canon; the child actors were without exception great, and the casting of Carrie Coon and Paul Rudd as the adults was a nice touch because they are always worth watching.

Great special effects and a genuinely funny script rounded the entertainment out.

The wind never got too bad yesterday, thank goodness.

Tammy should be on her way to Hawaii today.

Katie and her kids’ COVID tests came back negative. I should have more RATs delivered next week.

The sun came out yesterday and nearly blinded us, it was so unexpected.

I’m really feeling my lack of exercise; Paul and I haven’t walked together in weeks.

BP not great but not critical.

 

 

Trolls come out to play

Boy Howdy if you want to get shat on in subreddits ? supporting trans people is def the way to do it.

Still very sore in my muscles but the walkways look great LOL. Weather today involves rude amounts of wind, so charge your devices.

Tiny bits of writing.

Made a really nice bean stew / sorta chili last night. Forgot to seal the instant pot but it cooked up okay anyway. (after enlivening Jeff’s evening. IT HISSETH MOST SCARILY)

One can Heinz veggie beans, two cans diced tomatoes, one can black beans, one cup frozen corn, one can garbanzos, one can red kidney beans. Half teaspoon of cayenne, teaspoon of cumin, many many many shakes of garlic powder, a shake of black pepper, and no added salt.

The astronomers are watching a star blow up in real time, and it sounds really cool, although the event itself is rather warm.

 

Moar effin precip

Moar shovelling today I imagine. It’s supposed to stop today and start again tomorrow, might be as much as 15 cm but my heart misgives me and I think it will be more. AND STILL THERE IS NO SALT IN THE STORES.

Much horror, humour, excitement and a happy ending –  with the fam over in Victoria – yesterday. To preserve the privacy and dignity of those involved I shall say nothing here except that we are all well, and perhaps some of us collected some bruises. I shall also note that in the midst of my hysterics (yup, cried like a baby on the phone with my mOm), when I was first informed of the precipitating event, that I kept my cheese assembled long enough to provide useful and actionable advice to someone under stress, so go me. Everything came out as okay as it can but I sure learned that I’m a hair from weeping and flailing about pretty much anytime.

Jeff and I, partly because of the effin precip, partly because of the news, and partly because (WAVES HAND OVER THE IDEA THAT A MILLION AMERICANS AND QUITE A FEW CANADIANS GOT DIAGNOSED WITH COVID YESTERDAY) did not have a fantabulous day yesterday. I ran the dishwasher and shovelled and fed the birdies but other than that I can assure you I did not do a thing. Okay, I did write 1391 words on the ‘meet cute in the airport during a snowstorm’ story.

Tammy comes to town today to visit friends and fam on her way to Hawaii. Fingers crossed for her travel luck; there’s a break in the weather on both ends but if COVID knocks too many people off work, that plane won’t leave… Like I said fingers crossed. She’s double boostered. If anyone is safe to travel in a pressurized aluminum skin full of plague she is. She just messaged me to say her flight’s still showing on time. With luck she’ll call me a little after noon.

I observe that when white people stick their noses in the ‘pan-Indigenous’ concept it’s usually about control over, grift from and erasure of distinct nations and persons. Only nations can determine belonging and categories of belonging. It isn’t a single, simple concept or law.

I have opened YET ANOTHER PROJECT FILE this one non-fiction. It’s called Common Human Cognitive Issues and What to Do About Them. I realize I have zero experience with that! (actually that’s not true, but it wasn’t peer reviewed, which is a grift anyway) which is why it’s going to be a jolly parody of self-help books.

More writing games

  1. I do not remember
  2. a spy
  3. Destiel fic in which the Dean character rescues the Cas character from a landslide
  4. Well it changes every day so I guess finishing “The Sword that Cries Ruin!” which is another fanfic which is already over 200K long
  5. Cochin.
  6. Scrivener
  7. Don’t have one. I guess Brainpickings comes closest.
  8. A.M.
  9. David J. Dowker, but unfortunately our writing process isn’t compatible. He’s a cogitator and I’m a pantser.
  10. fuck you it’s the published books I care about LOL
  11. ERM all of them? I do like Wine Gums
  12. Typing. Handwriting is for when I’m more thoughtful and less reactive.
  13. High fantasy. I’ve had stabs at it but they never ‘stuck’.
  14. Probably mystery. PLOTS MAKE ME DIE INSIDE.
  15. HAW HAW I bet anyone who knows the UPSUN series already knows the answer to this and the answer is yes.
  16. Name first.
  17. I don’t write heroes and villains because I reject the reductionist and colonial approach to plotting. (JUST TRY AND PROVE THAT WRONG.)
  18. JUST THREE ARE YOU HIGH. Jane Coaston. My God. It doesn’t matter whether she’s writing about college football or racism or local politics, there’s just something so crisp and clear about her writing. @apebbleinthesky is so wonderfully discursive about left wing politics without ever getting into the namecally stuff…@mssinenomine (Gabrielle Peters) is also a fiery fiery writer.

Tea and toast

Woke up just after three after a restful sleep. Three kudos on my dashboard this morning. Always fun to see what people are reading. Another person has subscribed to my mailchimp account for UPSUN as well. In addition I logged into dreamwidth (the ‘replacement’ for live journal for people who don’t want all their data stolen by the Russians) because I really wanted to read something one of my filk buddies has posted and …. I hadn’t posted since 2018. uff dah. I posted. It was sad having to mention that Tom had died.

Worked on the fanfic a bit, not much. In the portion I just wrote one of the brothers is teasing the other about his new relationship and I very much enjoyed writing that because one of the great wellsprings of Supernatural fanfic is the abiding love (and shittalk) between the bros… it’s very easy to write the shittalk because they are constantly teasing each other (and would die for each other).

Still not experiencing hunger and thirst properly. It’s very strange to be forcing myself to eat, unless it’s something sweet.

The wind is gusting hard and it makes the plastic siding creak in an alarming way.

Ryker’s got a mucousy cold, poor wee tyke. Alex is a snot factory whether he has a cold or not. Just sayin’.

Had to shovel again; the lack of walkway salt was mitigated by the fact that it started raining and melting, so we didn’t get freezing rain. Lawks that was one big raccoon we got through the property night before last though, HUGE pawprints.

It’s very pleasant to no longer be required to run a heater all night in my room. It’s quite pleasant in the house now.

Well, I boiled water but I haven’t made tea, and the toast is still waiting for my work, so time for some foodicles and to start my day. FIRST TASK. Wrestling my weighted blanket back into its cover. This will literally take me half an hour as it’s like a USB cable. First you attach the WRONG zipper, and then you attach the RIGHT ONE, IN THE WRONG DIRECTION, and then omg maybe THIS will work. Heavy sigh. Still haven’t put all my clothes away.

This morning my twitter feed is full of: Trans people commenting (still) on Matrix Resurrections, including the best tweet sized appreciation of it I’ve seen so far; disabled people saying CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TRYING TO KILL US BY NOT WEARING MASKS AND SHITTY POLICY; Glenn Greenwald, may the great Parent of the Universe buy him a fucking clue, saying how twitter doesn’t have the right to eject people from its platform cause free speech, when it’s already been established that it really isn’t. He’s defending Marjorie, by the way. Candidly, clownbag is too kind for that man.

The Cincinnati Beagles won the division (over KC). We did not see that coming. It was a weird game with some patently ugly and bad calls. I mean, how many times is it possible to repeat 4th down?

@ElSangito:

i understand finding matrix 4’s lack of subtlety grating but i would never wanna use metaphors again either if the metaphorical allegory i wrote before got co-opted by far right patriarchal fascists whose whole thing is to eradicate my entire people

 

 

lazy running a temperature day

Since I’m not coughing and my sats are okay, this isn’t covid. My appetite is definitely off and in a real shift in my behaviour I keep losing my ability to stay hydrated. I will try harder tomorrow.

Even so I made a tiffin of homemade chicken fingers in panko breading, taters and salad, (FOLLOWED BY CHAPMANS ‘FUCK YOU CUSTOMER IF YOU WON’T GET VACCINATED ice cream) ran and dried a load of laundry, did manage to get the kitchen back under control (it has since escaped), called my mOm, wrote 451 words on the Destiel fic that currently has my attention, read an edit of one of Dave’s poems, said ‘sorry no’ to a New Years Day walk with Al P., laughed out loud at Lois’s Letter at the End of the Year, had a lovely long bath, take my blood pressure twice, commune with Buster (more word training in preparation for getting him talking buttons) and of course there was that shopping expotition at the start of the day. So while I did not have a strenuous day, it wasn’t an entirely unproductive one.

Jeff took care of gravelling the slips of ice all over the damned walkways.

And now I will make my bed and find a nightie and TIMMMMMBBBERRRRRRR

AFTER I DO

THIS but not as 1 like 1 answer because that’s just letting your shit get data mined while you twirl for likes like a fucking overfed bear

Image

  1. either Michel or Kima although you know how much I love Jesse and Raven
  2. The Dosadi Experiment
  3. eh Raven mebbe
  4. wow…. any suggestions mOm
  5. Midnite Moving Co gets a ten episode series.
  6. drafting, editing, revising, plotting, in that order
  7. fanfic, M/M AU Domestic
  8. bildungsroman
  9. Go away and work on something (or nothing) else
  10. My bed. I dunno why. I like libraries and other people’s houses
  11. Dunnett, Barbara Tuchman
  12. what the fuck kind of question is that. Of course I can, I’m looking at the internet while I’m writing. OH YOU MEAN FICTION you fucking elitist. Bite me
  13. I try very hard to write every day, even if it’s just a verse of a song
  14. varies 100-4000
  15. morning, just after I’ve eaten and had caffeine; the middle of the night when things are quiet
  16. plotting jesus god
  17. Eurekalert.org. Never fails
  18. Nah, the chain letters of the internet piss me off.

30 visitors to the site yesterday

I don’t know if it’s a new record, but it was quite something to see those stats this morning.

ANY HOO

Betty White is dead. Because I’m a blabbermouth probably half a dozen people who follow me on twitter heard it from me first. The internet is helping people express their emotions, a kind of worshipful, almost amused, grief being foremost.

MANY PEOPLE ARE ANGRY THAT HENRY KISSINGER OUTLIVED HER. Many, o many.

Greeted the New Year with gentle snores, as is the custom in our clan.

This morning we will do a small shop. I certainly don’t intend to linger in the store, and I’m going to wear my most expensive mask.

VOCATION – GRATITUDE – PARSIMONY

Those are my three words this year. Work on my vocation, complete projects. Be grateful and express gratitude for my life of good fortune. Parsimony – try to expend no resources or money needlessly. We’ll see how we go.

No billets-doux from the readers at Archive of Our Own this morning. I continue to work on the stories I have on the go, but the output is rather feeble – 50 – 200 words at a time. Ah well, a beach is built by grinding a whole bunch of different rocks over thousands of years, right?

Time to plug the laptop in to charge and deal with the crockery insurrection in the kitchen.

 

 

Accomplishments 2021

First overnight sleepover with Alex

Witnessed the birth of my second grandchild, Ryker

Started collecting a pension

Rearranged my finances with the assistance of my fOlks and the support of my brO

Survived the pandemic – got vaxxed and boosted.

Recorded MOAR TUNES in January

Got all my musical instruments into the same room (the spare oom) which makes making music with Alex even easier

Started actually dealing with my health issues especially getting my BP down.

Made A LOT OF WHOLE WHEAT BUNS

Helped my mOm deal with some creative issues with her family history, and deepened my appreciation of the benefits and hazards and beauties of family history.

Invented the term TWOOTLES for Twitter mutuals

Started feeding crows.

I sat with a dying man and read a poem about it at his memorial service, and we sang, too.

Started writing letters to rellies and friends on a semi regular basis (I owe half a dozen letters currently HAW)

Was able to identify that a birdsong was of a bird I had never seen, followed the sound and identified an out of range yellow breasted chat, but was later able to confirm that where the chat sang was bang in the middle of everything they need to breed.

Got birdies to eat out of my hands at Fraser Foreshore. I recommend it as an experience.