Category: Festival

and so con ends

I have so many thoughts and feelings. My intimates have been made aware of the worst of it (there is a worse, but it’s getting better as they say) and the good is little spangles of art and conversation, the gifts each of us bring to circle (a poem recited about the sailor who has no coin and must trick his way across the Styx, a pan pipe forced to play out doors because of the fucking panini / con rules, Ann Prather singing Practice Practice Practice and a ghastly hilarious song about how sore your balls are after a vasectomy, in-character Bilbo singing a song about what a bunch of dipshits the dwarves are, That’s Not Gneiss, which I think was written by a Geology professor in the 50s and made it into the filkbuche, ably sung by Cecilia Eng, Eric of the Faithful Sidekicks singing a song about various jobs that is a PUN IN EVERY LINE, Miles Vorkosigan singing a song about a naked man running down a street (he’s a defence lawyer, nuff said eh pOp) and yet more besides).

The con candidly apart from the merch room that one open circle and individual convos was a bust but I got a road trip with my best pals so I WON. And we were good roommates, no huhu.

another lovely day along the waterfront

Much more overcast today. Winds were apparently howling in owld Burnaby last night if the weather channel isn’t lying.

Briefly participated in a filk last night and then kind of emotionally imploded (it was a filk memorial) and THEN learned that Frank Hayes is in hospital and since I had just put his concert on my list of things to do I was most upset. I did wish him a speedy and uneventful recovery. It was awesome to hear Dornbeast memorialize Creede Lambard by singing one of his songs, and Cecilia Eng memorialized Zander Nyrond (a long time fannish filk favourite of John’s.) Cindy and I sang Brooke’s Last Page for John and OH GOD I was done already and fled the scene. Peggy and I stayed in the hotel room and Cindy did the singin’ and playin’ the rest of the night. I love con, but it’s emotional and I’m just not used to having to manage all them big feels and the ‘panini’ hasn’t made it easier. (Panini is slang for the pandemic “WORST.SANDWICH.EVER”)

Amazing to have a bath while Peggy’s playing bass along with the blues program on CBC on Friday night, she made the fixtures ring. And of course I felt a lot calmer after washing my hair, although the hot water just …. stopping … was tiresome. I had enough to finish up. The hotel shampoo is quite nice.

This morning I swear I am going to not be a fucking turnip, but the odds are even. I’ve taken my pills AND BRUSHED MY TEETH AND APPLIED DEODORANT don’t all rush to thank me at once and apparently there’s a food truck next to the banquet entrance right this second so many that’s where I’ll get brekky?

Also, apart from the cold, I fucking love this hotel. It’s very accessible. AND THE BANQUETTES TUCKED INTO EVERY CORNER HAVE POWER OUTLETS BUILT INTO THEM so you can sit in a sunny nook, charge your laptop and drink your coffee and keep an eye down the corridor where your friends are.

I didn’t bring all of my laptop charger and Peggy loaned me hers. She had no idea what she was going to do with a laptop she said but she brought it anyway.

Oh, and hospitality’s open too now. I should feed. Where the fuck did I leave my american money? A smile won’t git me breakfast.

sadly no

The laundry despite my best wishes did not self assemble and haul itself upstairs but remained, grimly inanimate, over the entire surface of the furnace/laundry room. Sigh.

Jeff is making sleep noises after his Grand Evening Out. I await his probably later than usual rise to enquire about how everything went.

Lovely but brief convo with Dave last night.

The bear scares, fireworks, whistling shrieking dying noises went on for hours and hours. Poor Buster hid and stayed that way, and he’d already received a challenge from Ryker, who was here RUNNING NON STOP AND THROWING MY SHIT AROUND while Katie stuffed a contact lens into Alex’s eye, put on her sugar skull jewelled face gems and Alex got into his costume. It was absolutely exhausting and he was only here 45 minutes. It was all I could do to drag myself upright. I managed to get him to sit still for half a minute but other than that I was literally chasing him.

Suzanne appealed to me to come back to facebook so I did.

Made a pork and cabbage fry, it was so good I had thirds and there’s hardly any left in the fridge. Unusually for me I made a sauce to go with and that realllly improved things, must remember to make sauce for stir fry more often. Half a pork tenderloin, three slices of cabbage about a cm wide, chopped, rude amounts of garlic and ginger, carrot and baby peppers that Linda got for us. (We finished the honeydew, it really was exceptional). Added thai fish sauce, soy sauce, cornstarch and a bit of water, and all fried in safflower oil. Pepper to taste.

Wordle in three this morning. It was a good word considering the racket last night.

I can’t believe Katie managed to get the freaking contact in his eye. We’re such a weird family.

I believe this.

 

qahveh save me

Qahveh being the original word for coffee, which I only know because of Dunnett. All the threads lead back to her. Of course I can’t get Dave to read l’œuvre but at this point if he ever did I’d have to own up to all the shit of hers that I outright thieved for various aspects of my own work, and how embarrassing would that be. Besides, he doesn’t read ‘light’ fiction as a general rule, although it was kind of him to read Totally Boned. Speaking of which Suzanne is finishing up Totally Boned yes. and yes there are Dunnett squeaks all through TB.

Suzanne is not having a good birthday week. She found out about two weeks ago that her youngest son’s gf was pregnant, but since nobody told S that she was VERY pregnant, the birth announcement this week was a bit of a surprise. Learning that you have a new grandson who’s detoxing in the NICU when you have zero access must be a horrifying experience. mOm asked me to send her a hug and a kind word and I will.

On the plus side, this week somebody sent the most good looking man you can imagine – to offer himself sexually to her – WHILE SHE WAS SITTING RYKER so after she unswallowed her tongue and ungoggled her eyes she said, er, no, and he wandered off to find the woman he’d been prepaid to bang. (This is the kind of stuff that only happens in novels so I’m going to steal the anecdote for a fanfic because he showed up in house slippers and a revealing outfit and said he was ‘auditioning for the bedroom’. I can see it all now, hommina hommina)

ALRIGHTY THEN. and at no point did Suzanne say anything othering about the sex worker. Damn I love that woman. I should get the rugs she washed out of the dryer. The washers in her building are crap and SUPER expensive so she’s ALSO been doing laundry here.

She said Ryker loves coming to Grammy’s house; he gets second breakfast, he has a million versions of Lightning McQueen, CARS runs hot and cold in the background, and there’s a cat to chase. WHAT COULD BE BETTER. He’s learned to say MCQUEEN and he apparently never stops.

I do not have Alex until Tuesday, but I’ll see him for a Thanksgiving meal. Apparently Peggy’s old friend is going to deep fry a couple of turkeys at church and I’m simply overwhelmed at the prospects for catastrophe why I may even bring a camera.

Putin claiming that Prigozhin died ’cause Wagner soldiers were providing in-flight entertainment by tossing live grenades is like an entire Russian army of MOODS.

WROTE almost a thousand words yesterday on an aziracrow fanfic that no one but me will ever look at. Nobody asked for it and it’s fundamentally flawed but I wrote it anyway. The new Brad and Omar story has a shape and I will slowly pursue it.

Laid out my pills for a week just now.

Whatever shall I do with no childcare required of me until Tuesday morning??

Congrats to Leo and Linda on getting the last kid married off (Kevin, and of course I have embarrassing memories from his last visit to us LOL which I will NOT share) and this is all teasing because of course they didn’t do anything but help celebrate!!! it’s not like they hosed’em down and pitchforked ’em to the ceremony…. anyway it’s happy family news and the pics were lovely thank you.

off to the showroom

Keith needs to buy some furniture to fit in his new room. We’ll go off to see that midmorning. He’s also setting up ‘the last family meal at the Manor’ for Sunday so I’m hoping Jeff will come.

Weather continues okay, pollen except mold is low.

Laundry done, now I need to put it away. har har

Ukraine has lost a lot of warriors in the offensive. Things are gonna snap.

Tanked all my Lumosity games this morning. I don’t mean to dip but using a trackpad instead of a mouse is kinda bogus and I should stop doing it.

Made more iced tea.

Had my leftover pad thai for breakfast. DAMN it was good. Jeff enjoyed his Mongolian stirfry so we’re putting that restaurant in the rotation. The soup (sort of like Tom Ka Kai but called Coconut soup) was so good I could feel my soul leave my body and then come whooshing back in with a big ass THANK YOU. I asked for Mild-Medium spicing and they NAILED IT so well.

Reviewing my to do list. Amazing how many items I’ve already crossed off.

360 words over today and yesterday.

Just found out that the only Guyanese person I follow on twitter… his dad was a chauffeur. And so is Blossom, so I’m thinking that is one strange echo.

a few items

Mo-no-ny-mous
I mean Shakira
Mo-no-ny-mous
And also Cher
Mo-no-ny-mous
Adele and Bono
and Plato, & Cato,
Colette – and don’t forget Voltaire

(This above for mOm, I sang it to her the other day and she laughed so I thought I’d write it down for her.)

Made fruit salad for the meal yesterday. Last I saw, leaving their house, Paul was going to eat the rest before anyone got seconds. It was that good. And candidly, given that he daily complains about how hard his poops are, who minds that he inhales some food value with his roughage.

It consisted of pieces of melon, blueberries, strawberries, mangoes, the best fucking Bartlett pears I ever et, and oranges. The dressing which is from a recipe I got online, I’m not smart enough to invent it, and it’s for those who can eat dairy: a cup and a half of 10%BF Greek yogurt, three tablespoons of maple syrup and half a capful of vanilla. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS how nommy it is, and like I said I would have taken home leftovers if there had been any. The mouth feel, good god yall.

Oreo sat on my shoulders a good long while and purred hard in my ear.

I PLAYED A BOARD GAME WITH THREE QUARTERS OF MY DESCENDANTS YESTERDAY. It was Alex’s idea and I had so much fun. Hasbro’s latest version of Clue, if you need to know.

Dax changed the oil in my car. I asked him anxiously from the back deck if the oil was very dirty and he swilled it around in the container and considered the matter and said, ‘Yes’ so dryly that I burst out laughing. I owe him forty bucks for the filter and the oil so I’ll be heading out to drop it off sometime today. Perhaps I’ll combine it with a trip to Peggy’s to ditch that weird fretless bass ukulele.

Made soup yesterday. Started with a litre of unsalted Campbell’s chicken stock, added organic ramen (so damn good), chopped carrots, mushrooms, baby bok choi, a little tiny dab of veggie soup base, a splish of soy sauce. Today or tomorrow I am going to attempt Instant Pot (did you know the parent company is going out of business thanks to asset stripping? Capitalism HOW YOU SUCK) red beans and rice. I may bake up some chicken breasts and taters since the weather seems to be veering off into ‘June-uary’ temperatures.

Thunder and lightning two days ago. Not usual for these parts. We talked about the weather a lot yesterday.

Ryker was just down for his nap and Alex kissed his head AND WOKE HIM UP. He was down for most of the meal and the board game but since he’d gotten no other nap that day and was up at 6:30 Katie was SPARE while Ryker ran around the house terrorizing everything he could and parroting everything his mother said. WITH HER INTONATION. He’s got dozens and dozens of words, some clear enough that people who don’t live with him can understand him. Keith was like that, pristine pronunciation from the git. But Ryker is DIFFERENT. He is stronger, braver (yeah, like no sense of self preservation) smarter, faster, funnier, more able to understand what the adults around him are saying, more able to self-soothe, more durable – he took hits yesterday that would have had me bawling and just walked it off – picking up language so fast. Mike the father brought him back with a pinch bruise on his leg from a recliner, apologetic af, and Katie wasn’t bothered. What can you do? He’s not Alex, or Keith, who conducted themselves from a very early age knowing that the world can bite ya. I told her they should promise each other ten bucks and hand it to whichever of them DOESN’T have to take him to hospital with a broken bone first. You should have seen Katie rubbing her face as she contemplated how many TIMES she’ll likely have to take him to hospital. Like the tshirt said, today we keep the tiny human alive. Except he’s NOT tiny, he can open and shut doors with the handle.

everything about the visit is overshadowed by the fact that Alex is crying every day about how he can no longer go to second street school because his mother can’t afford to live in the catchment area. And the landlord fucked her over by not giving her a duly completed eviction notice so she can’t move up the BC housing list. This world is a horrible place for my children right now and I am helpless.

Over 500 words on TB yesterday. Richie and Blossom have finally met.

the cumulative effect

so

if Keith hadn’t asked me to come with for Peggy’s luncheon

Peggy wouldn’t have reminded me that Cindy’s Festival of the Living Rooms concert is Saturday and suggested I back Cindy up

and I wouldn’t have messaged Cindy to be so kind as to allow me to accompany her

and I wouldn’t have found out that Cindy was low key panicking, and we wouldn’t have rehearsed last night and I wouldn’t be backing her up today for the 3PM concert. She brought like 80 DOLLAH of greek food and we ate like chieftains wit’ da meat on spits, good god yall.

Yesterday with Alex was fun. We didn’t call GGMa but we did have a good time, and I got to see my neurodiverse grandson HAVING A SOCIAL LIFE WITH FRIENDS WHO ALSO HAVE DYED HAIR (three little cis boys with red and pink hair noisily occupying a living room) and once again I was moved to intense and grievous anger that he’s being renovicted and may lose these friends, as children do in moves. I will keep that friendship going if I have to take him on the bus I publicly swear it. Anyway he was invited over and I squared it with his mummabear and we exchanged numbers and his mummabear picked him up. It rained, but not enough to really put out any fires.

He played me something on youtube called Rush E. Don’t bother, it’s a memey thing and your life won’t be better if you look at it. Also he needs to remember to bring his blessed charger with him.

I got him to pick a beat on the Kaossilator and we recorded him playing overtop of that. I will post a fragment when I get around to it and quit panicking about the performance this afternoon.

The counteroffensive has begun. Qapla’ Ukrainy (Success Ukraine in Klingon)

 

a minor change GRADATIM

So… I repointed this one; I changed the instrument from a piano to a harp and asked Finale to use the Human Expression – Funk setting for playback.

Rev 1.4 of Words Fail. The tune is repeated twice. Think of it as being a theme song for a tv show (they are usually one minute long or less) …. obviously with the full orchestral work up!

Happy mother’s day to those who celebrate. The homily for today is in the PDF of all my homilies jammed together in a book.

 

 

May I be conducted to hell

with ‘certain parties’ as my escort.

That was without a doubt (music aside) the most bland and unobjectionable spring festival service I’ve ever been to. There were many mitigating factors so I won’t linger but A. bless her came up to me afterward and said there was entiiiiirely too much God in that service and I could not but agree. Of course if you’re going to suck up to the three remaining and three closeted theists in the group, Easter’s the time to pull da bunny fum da sack. The bunny in this case being a fantastical holy-ish trinity of Reb Jeshua, Ramadan and the seder. I remind myself of mitigating factors and turn to

HOW I GOTS MISTOOK FOR A MAN TODAY while wearing a dress

and earrings that matched my

tights that matched my

decorative scarf in pretty colours that my mother made, and I haven’t worn all those things together in likely a decade at this point, probably church the last time too…. L. greeted me most sweetly and kindly but I was somewhat reserved as I had just put my mask on and my – you know – social anxiety spikes when I’m indoors and masked however ecstatic I am to see various people.

I digress to think about what happens to middle aged women wearing face masks. Bigots don’t want people wearing face masks because they want to be able to ‘clock’ you. You are assigned a gender at birth and wherever you migrate on your gender journey, most people want to believe they can tell and understand when presenting and presumed gender at birth don’t line up. But that doesn’t actually have any bearing on the reason I was mistook for a man…. I be somewhat digressing again, the thing, the evil thing I do for effect.

So I sing tenor now among other things (I recently checked my vocal range and …) and Keith got asked if he was the one providing the harmony. LOLOLOL I was literally as gender presenting as I can physically manage at this point and MY VOICE gave me away as a man, hiding behind a mask I MEAN LITERALLY folks for those who understand …. .

& I don’t mean to boast, but this life of mine gives me the most perfect moments of clarity and solidarity. I’ve been gender non-conforming all my life. I have no problem with my assigned whatever-as-normative, but I keep having little moments like that, and it pleases me. It’s not just the autism that makes me gender divergent; there’s something in me, neither brain nor frame, that makes me other than ‘woman’. Not 100%. Sure, able to do the madonna thing, co nursing your children how hard core. But I am not 100% woman, and I was like that before having Keith literally

And then I fucked it up totally by going off in a classic autistic meltdown with C. May I be conducted to hell. Which was where we came in. But somehow, you know,

—- SCROLL DOWN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I DIGRESS

Peggy was there and fled as someone else arrived, but I don’t know if the two events were connected so she just might have felt like walking home. I’m going to call her. Maybe she just got sick of the service. As far as I could tell they were still getting people drifting in at half time, including a previously called minister.  (Love what she’s done with her hair.) Rob W was there and sat next to me during the service. In case anyone in the audio radiance thinks there’s anything between us, he told me I was too fat when I approached him after Paul and I broke up and I’ve only gotten fatter since, and I’ve reached the age when perfect isolation from romantic relationships is accompanied by nearly perfect peace. Had a few words with Rose, Marilyn, collected a hug from John, and it was all good. Even with me being a complete ass I still feel better, and Keith bless him dragged me out in good time AND I mailed a letter on the way home. Cast your bread upon the waters (it was a letter to the landlord asking if she had any vacancies this summer), and may Christ and his sanctified angels come to your aid in terms of finding food for delivery in this town today….. I reject McDonalds on this Holy Sunday.

recycling

I read on reddit that a great way to deal with paper if you don’t want to shred it (Jeff has a shredder but I have A LOT OF PAPER TO SHRED) is to turn it into papier mâché and yup, that works – I experimented with 20 year old tax returns yesterday.

Happy Easter for those who celebrate! Reread (or read, lol) my King Jesus homily if you’re in the mood.

Continue reading recycling

Holiday greetings

In no order:

Merry Xmas to the dude on reddit who asked an uncaring universe if he was a nutbar for not taking the Coquihalla this weekend to make it for a family Christmas. I assured him he was not crazy; nothing’s impossible for the person who doesn’t have to do it. When an atmospheric river meets an arctic outflow, wild shit falls from the skies.

To my brother Jeff I wish the very best the ‘holiday’ allows him – which is hilarious given that he’s a phone call away from having to work at any moment – and a wish that at some point over the next couple of days we settle in for some ‘real’ Christmas telly: Die Hard, a Call the Midwife Christmas special, maybe a Lord of the Rings or Hobbit binge. Maybe even watch the King’s Broadcast, if only to mock him roundly. I disdain that boorish manchild.

Love and social distancing to the fOlks; we’re not seeing you this Christmas. Remember when the kids were little? and we were somehow obliged to drive hither thither and yon in The.Worst.Fucking.Weather that Southern Ontario could shove in our faces at the end of its tobacco-stained arm? Those days have passed. We can all thank The Grand Joculator for that blessing. Of course I’d rather be there. But the great thing about being a member of this family is that we don’t chivvy each other into social occasions by nagging and guilting the shit out of each other or trivializing each other’s safety; I find this of more comfort than whatever I can derive in a ferry lineup after four cancellations.

To my Ontie Mary and all of her kin of the Niebuhr line, even the ones that are still convinced Jesus in a UFO is comin’ for the righteous, I extend greetings and best wishes for a quiet, joyous and safe Christmas. Cousinly greets to Shauna, John and Katherine.

To the spirit of Jim P, and his surviving family; I hope you have the best Christmas you can. I love you guys and wish I had something other than my own grief to offer as a gift.

To my friend Peggy, whom I haven’t even called in a month because I’m such a bum, Warmest and Brightest wishes of the season. I don’t think I’ll get those biscotti to you before Christmas. I haven’t been busy; I just keep forgetting to buy almonds, and when I looked at the prices at Rave-on yesterday I damned near died of fright.

To the crows and wee birdies; yes I got peanuts and sunflowers; I will put out feed during the worst of the weather event.

To my friend Dave, shifting on his laurels as a soundly published poet, I offer hopes for a spark of cognition which becomes a flame of output. Yeah, right.  You and I have always been at opposite ends of the word spigot….

To my pharmacist YOU ARE THE FUCKING BOMB. Happy holidays! To any pharmacists reading this, thou as well.

To my doctor; thank you for the latest scrip; after many months my blood pressure is now pretty much normal whenever I record it.

To Sue: may the year ahead be filled with family, love, and the work you have chosen with such distinction and success.

To all my former coworkers at the House of X – even if I didn’t like you very much when I was working with you, how I miss you now! It’s a reminder of how familiarity, and time, shifts all things in our feelings. Thinking of you all at midwinter, with particular effect for Mike (of course, special mention), Jerome (seeing him on the 28th weather willing), Stephanie, Sarah, Glenda, Mohammad, Arzina, Jim, Brian, Tom, Ryan, Carlos, Darryl, Ngoc, Patricia and many others whose faces are clear and whose names I cannot now recall.

To my landlady Kim F, who is currently training her replacement and I cannot tell you how sad this makes me since she is literally one of the people I’ve known longest in this town, I’ll probably never see her again after she quits— You were a really good landlady. Sure glad I didn’t have to call you about a plumber. I hope you have a lovely holiday and your daughter brings you nice presents.

To Tammy, whom I’m supposed to visit with on the 26th. O darlin’, I hope your trip to Vancouver (she’s flying in from Hawaii on Saturday) goes smoothly, but I really don’t think it will. Even so, I wish you the best of this season and my earnest hopes for a lovely day of tooling around the lower mainland seeing sights for Boxing Day. That’s what I wish for us. (We were thinking of getting together with the fam but holy cats with the amount of respiratory crud going through that house I can’t see that being a good idea a-tall.)

For Paul, hopes for a better sounding chest; for Keith, well he already got several denominations of my best wishes for a great Christmas (and promptly spent it on groceries, foreign editions please copy); for Katie, grace and peace for 20 minutes in the middle of her bustling household. In the spirit of Christmas I publicly acknowledge that Daxus is back with Katie and we’re all trying to hold grace for someone making an effort. Katie’s happier. I don’t know what else to say. We’re allowed to change our minds.

To Alex and Ryker; a grandmother’s blessing on you. You’re not getting anything else from me, by order of mammabear.

Ah Suzanne! I have enveloped you as a family member and it’s a wonderful thing. I hope you have the peaceful, joyous and family filled Christmas of your fondest wishes. (Note. Suzanne is Dax’s mother. Suzanne knows how to do blended families and I am doing my best to learn from her.) I hope you have all the gluten free treets yer belleh can hold!  Hope three days a week of Rykercare doesn’t prove too much for you.

Fond greetings to Bonnie.

To Leo and Linda and their lively agglomeration of kids and grandkids: merry and joyous best wishes of the season to you all!

To Catherine C, Bob W, Colin H, Jan & Soon and their kinfolk, my Seattle filkfen, Cindy, Jaz, Elias and Kaitlyn (sp), Lois and Bob, kids and grandkids, Ruth and John & their kids, Juliana & household, Al P., Lorna @ IHOP, all the Doordashers who’ve brought food over the last couple of years (and the nameless kind souls who cooked it), to the people processing images from the JWST, Michael Balter & the rest of the gang on twitter, I wish health, strength, and fortune at Christmas and for the year to come.

 

 

 

 

 

Have yourself a medicated Christmas

Have yourself a medicated Christmas
It’s the only way
wifi connectivity is days away

Please take all your edibles with caution
No fair greening out
Please share or the rest of us will call you ‘lout’.

Now we’re home for the holidays
they’ll be squalid days I know
Cheek by jowl with relations dear
& we’re up to here

with snow

Have yourself a medicated Christmas
As your purse allows
Numb your brain cells, then sit in a chair and drowse
& have yourself a medicated Christmas now

Christmas Void – Jan and Soon’s new cat Count Tricksy

Christmas Void, Christmas Void / hiding by the tree. / Will you ever try to drop the Christmas tree on me OH / Christmas Void, Christmas Void / hiding by the tree. / Will you ever try to drop the Christmas tree on me. / Make the tree to shed / by using it to shred / It is not alive / but not exactly dead (a ZOMTREE) / Festive all our hearts / Seasonal our joy / Now that Tannenbaum is up the cat has got a toy! OH!

 

& repeat until people throw crackers.