Category: Filk

Lyrics Zero G (edited July 2012)

Soup lunch went okay, but the really exciting news was the very tasty guitar stylings Paul threw on top of the new choon.

Zero-G (The Bed)

I’ve invented a bed, though no patent’s been applied for
and it’s the kind of bed (hint hint) … that is to die for
If there’s one thing that I know about our human race
it’s that we’re going to be having lots of sex in outer space

Chorus:

& I’ll love someone, love someone, love someone
who knows what to do in zero G
& I’ll love someone, love someone, love someone
who knows how to handle zero G
(and I know it’s microgravity!)

I believe that the design of my bed will prove out best
And I’m gonna need a quarter mil to put it to the test
and another quarter mil to launch a buddy for the trial
but I think you’ll need a crowbar if you want to lose my smile

Chorus

I’ve designed my bed for two but in a pinch it will hold three
for you never know when someone’s going to think creatively
or be needing to accommodate some polyamory
I can’t predict its uses and that’s half the fun you see

Chorus

So picture (if you will)…  a tube of comfy fiber
now I have to bring more detail if  I am to describe her
There have to be attachment points …two fore and two aft
I’m hoping you can picture this and I’m not going daft
there are 4 more in the middle to take care of Newton’s laws
for they anchor you and dampen out the bounce on roll and yaw
If you’re entertaining fantasies of being overpowered
You can weigh three hundred pounds and get tossed ’round just like a flower

Spoken:  This is an important safety announcement from the Lo-Orbit No-Tell Motel.  Despite what you may have heard about Zero G sex, you must still take the mass of every object you move into consideration or injury or death may result.  Thank you.

Chorus

There are bungees wrapped around the bed to keep you pressed together
and if you lose traction ankle straps are optional as tethers
If there’s too much bounce and wiggle the bed just self corrects
and it will work for anybody’s preference and sex

Chorus

Apogee Perigee Zero-g to fade

 

Mine eyes have seen the glory of an internet that’s free

… free in Yemen, and Oaxaca, also free to you and me

Not speaking of who pays for it , but of human liberty

The Internet is free!

 

Lobbyists take sand and pound it

Leave the net the way you found it

We will learn to route around it!

The Internet is free!

 

You’ve woken up a Golem you will never ever stop

When under-20s get it they will fight you till they drop

What kind of harvest will you get with ignorance the crop?

The Internet is free!

Lovely New Years

Katie dropped by briefly at Mike’s place before partying elsewhere; Paul and Keith and Jeff and I hung out for a while.  We basically laughed, ate, talked and drank.  Just before midnight Keith and Jeff headed out on foot; just after midnight Paul gave me a lift home.  It was all very convivial and relaxed.  Tom U was there!  it was so nice to see him.  I took bubbly and coconut curry chicken with onions and taters in a crock pot as well as two six packs of beer. Other folks provided fresh cooked salmon with tons o garlic, awesome corn bread, lasagna, meatballs etc.  Trent thanked me for cooking something with no added salt as he isn’t supposed to have any.  He also gave me underwear (but I forgot it at Mike’s).  (He gave some to all the women – it’s folded and packaged to look like a rose.  Katie pounced on hers and pronounced it awesome.)

Today there’s the New Years drop in at Cindy’s place which will involve music and singing and playing and yummy cookies.  Also lots of boring laundry and cleaning before I go.

I consulted the tarot about which vice to attack this year and the result was an extremely annoying “Whichever is the most burdensome, and you have a few to choose from, have fun, and quit whinging.”  Sometimes I wonder about that deck.  Anyway, it’s clear to me what it was trying to tell me and I’m just pouty.

 

Happy Sigh

Patricia just showed me a lovely Art Deco platinum and diamond engagement ring.  Yup, her wild Australian laddie has made it official; they’re getting married later this year.

 

I wore my cloak to work.

 

I paid Katie $50 to call me when she’s gone from the house for 24 hours.  I was not worried (seriously, I wasn’t), but I prefer my housemates to not make me wonder at what point I’m obliged to call the police.

 

I will be singing “Dandelions Dreaming” at the Christmas Eve service at church.   Sue is worship leader.

Friday night & Saturday

Friday night Cindy took me out to dinner and then we came back here and sang and played.  I had given Paul a heads’ up that we were inbound and he was waiting for us.  We sang and played until midnight. Katie poked her head in for part of it and insisted her pop play Ramboing.  Yeah.

Yesterday I did NOTHING except run the dishwasher, watch a couple of episodes of Rome, run Katie in to work and a small amount of shopping.  Oh, and I made tea dyed cotton gloves and got steampunk findings  as part of my hat making plans.  Today, church, feeding Sue some lunch after church, and then an afternoon of real chores, as I’ve already had my day of rest.  Right now I’m going to work on songs.

The guy with whom I had “My worst ever coffee date” attempted to contact me again.  The excuse was that he enjoyed talking to me. (He was fine on the phone and, uh, how shall I put it, how about enthusiastic and inconsiderate, and in legal terms, assaultive, in person.  In public.  I had to lie like a cheap rug to escape from his company.)  I thanked him for the sentiment and said, it wasn’t going to happen.  The response was happy holidays and ‘can’t blame me for trying lol’.  Honestly.   Now that I have a little distance I’m forcing myself to see it as yet more horrifying evidence that dating over 50 is hazardous to your health.  I whined to one of my coworkers afterwards (LTGW) and he fixed me with his unblinking stare and told me that he was sorry to hear I had such a horrific experience but that I need to ask more intelligent questions prior to dates.  After that conversation – which was very helpful – I swore a mighty oath to find more productive uses for my time than trying to date.  After all, I’ve got a concert to practice for.

 

I am settled into my room at the Double Tree Worthington

Cindy will arrive shortly and go straight to sleep in my room. I will find something to do with myself while she kips and waits for her room to be ready – I am thinking I might like to go look at the enslaved animals, if only in remembrance of the other Ohio animals who didn’t make it.  Besides, they have bonobos, and I ain’t never seen any.  Or I could wander down to the “German Village” room (!?) and see if anybody is filking yet.  Or maybe I’ll say fuck it and go to Macy’s.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Starbucks coffee is nauseatingly bad.  They may be proud to serve it but I’m a fool to drink it.

Gadhafi’s STILL dead, sic semper tyrannis.

So far, except for the coffee, I am loving this hotel.  The staff are really, really professional, friendly and courteous.  Room was supposed to be non-smoking, when I bleated they fixed it without a hiccup.

Weather’s like Vancouver, but windy.

I got selected for ‘special screening’ yesterday.  O goody.  I also got yelled at by every single one of the ‘security theatre’ staff, to the point that I would say “Please don’t yell at me,” not that it helped.  Note to self – travel in slip-ons next time.

“Miles Vorkosigan’s” filk of Lady Miss Banjola’s “Wreck of the Crash” MUST GET LYRICS and sing for my pOp.

It’s about the legal repercussions of losing your hotel room key, and it, like the song it’s based on is bloody hilarious.  YES there was filking last night and it was still going on when I went to bed at midnight local time.

Shaddyr

Shaddyr is the interfilk guest of honour at OVFF.  I am ‘assisting’ her with her concert, which means that either I shut up completely while she performs a song which needs no assistance, noodle on the mandolin, play guitar so she can really get into interpreting the song (also giving the carpals a break), or sing along with.

I talk about going to rehearse, but I haven’t said much about her, and I’d like to.  Mention should first be made that she is awesome… smart, big-hearted, hospitable, tolerant without being a pushover, funny without ever being mean-spirited, and an absolute joy to play with.  We haz fun, get better, and then there’s tea and talk.  Friday night rehearsals have come to mean a lot to me, and I’m very glad that after OVFF there’s my own concert to plan at Conflikt V because it means we’ll still have an excuse to plan.  Set list ahoy!

VCon roundup

VCon vignettes: Getting asked by a new to filk fan if we “Had any Star Trek songs?” causing Creede and Shaddyr and I to look at each other wildly and flip the book open to Banned From Argo. Great concert by Creede and Shaddyr and I ran through our OVFF song list which was also well received. Songwriting panel I was on was attended by two very shy teenaged girls. Larry Niven was EVERYWHERE; saw him in the hall, the filkroom, the art show, the dealer’s room. The very model of an affable and approachable GOH. Dropped ludicrous amounts of money on clothing, including a sick confection of a steampunk hat, two corsets, skirt, buffalo belted purse, froofy blouse and bi-coloured leather wrist band with steampunk details and an alien glass eye on the top. Outfit is supposed to cross filk, steampunk and Browncoat fandoms. Shout out to foxipher – can’t wait for Conflikt ! Shout out to Casey Wolf. Saw the Best Assassin’s Creed costume EVAR; anytime the wearer passed somebody in period costume he’d go into the ‘blend’ posture which caused me to howl with laughter. There were half a dozen excellent Dr. Whos, the best Stormtrooper costume I’ve been up close to, and there was one poor chica who was the living model for Venus and Mars and had to change her costume every two hours as a walking billboard. Which she very much resembled as she was wearing the tallest platforms imaginable outside a KISS concert. Ran into various former coworkers and friends and friends of friends and had some lovely conversations and some long overdue catching up. Also, given that VCon is a smallish Gencon with about 1000 members, the art room was nothing short of spectacular. There were at least 10 items I wanted to buy and even the stuff I didn’t like was well done. And my costume was so cool (I changed into it as I was buying it, to the amusement of the dealers) I had requests for pictures. No VCon for me today as I am opening church and have life maintenance. But even so I call it an unqualified success.

First 4 verses – I really like Jayne

Oh the curve of her cheek is rare
And the sound of her voice makes you just not care
She has got a love for hire
And she knows where to find you
She’ll shine that light and blind you
She surely knows her stuff about desire.

For a good man he’s awful bad
For a bad man he’s awful good
Priorities are understood
He’s got his ship and his crew
He knows exactly what to do
When he’s bitten off way more than he should

He can fly anything that can be flown
And you haven’t seen a thing until you’ve seen him in the zone
Crazy Ivans just for fun
Hitting bullseyes in the dark
Is something he’ll do for a lark
And he’ll blow your mind twice more before he’s done

Well he wasn’t hired on for his brain
More for the occasions letting Vera off the chain
Not exactly Mr. Tact
But a demon in a fight and he doesn’t travel light
And it’s good to have that muscle at your back

Practicing

Off to La Shaddyr’s last night (Cindy) to practice.  What a silly pair of woozles we are!  We HAVE a set list, but with our usual flair we went off book and practiced other stuff as well.

I came home and filled up a hole in the lyrics of one of my songs.  THAT’s why it’s important to play music with other people …. it is alchemical, how a little music ends up being a lot, lot more.

Now I will take Jeff to Brekkie and start the day.