Category: Psychology

Why would somebody ask for ‘more ranting’?

Tonight I would like to rant about the lack of menstruation rituals in our culture. Tonight I’m going to take the man’s view, as the woman’s view about it isn’t nearly transgressive enough for me ce soir la. Jeez, where’s an accent grave when I need one…
If I was a man, I would want rituals and predictive patterns in young women’s lives that preserved their fertility for their true purpose, namely, making babies with me and not with other men. Having some kind of ceremony where it was drilled into the girl’s head that she had one shot at the childbearing game and if she slept with the wrong guy it was game the fuck over would be useful if my strategy for access to childbearing women meant I was employed and civil. Mind you, if my strategy is to just rape the shit out of her and hope for a lucky plug, it’s still better than if she was really trying to save it for the right guy. Her body may betray her and pop an egg for me. I’d be the ‘wrong guy’ – but I’d still be first. Now, the sperm competition theory of fucking, which holds that guys enjoy sharing girls because if you’re second (or later) you come way harder (your sperm will ‘wash away’ that of your, uh, competitor/buddy), so if you let your buddy go first, because you don’t really care if you get her pregnant, and you’d prefer to come harder because of your wiring, you’ve more or less dropped out of the discussion about breeding. You’ve actually given some consideration to the notion, which is why you’re wearing a condom while all of these shenanigans are going on. I mean, it’s still rape, but there’s a different angle. You get it now? All different styles of thinking about ‘the breeding thing’ lead to different results in terms of how it affects the woman’s life. Oh, sorry, I’ve gone back into the women’s way of thinking about this, ‘scuse me all to hell.

So mOm, did I make you laugh really hard on the phone tonight, or what?

Back to the subject at hand. Women should have menstruation rites so that they actually have two whole chunks of time to think about fertility without having to do any work. That is, in part, what rituals are all about. It’s about the whole “stop working and start thinking” thing that has made humanity what it is. Having enough excess capacity in your life to be able to stop and think is what makes for civil life. Having the spare time to develop morality makes morality. Leisure, in short, makes ethical life possible. But don’t worry, in the end it’s all about sex. Yeehaw. Hurry hurry love.
Did I ever say why it was I refer to my mother as mOm? It’s because when I spell her title that way, it is the “Kilroy was here” or “Clem” sign. See his hands, on either side of his head? Te he. But I also do it because of where I got the idea of it, pOp – which is a clown face with a big nose in the middle. Squint and you’ll see.

My brain is 50% boy and 50% girl

I have taken a number of on line tests in the past but today’s was the most detailed… from the bbc website.

As I’ve noted from previous tests, my brain is exactly half boy and half girl.  This will come as no surprise to my lunch time companions, who are as startled by my interest in things no other woman they know gives a toss about as they are by me berating them whenever they make with the sexist cheese.

Off to New West to help Katie with financial stuff.

Elly’s journey

My friend Elly is the subject of a ten minute documentary about her recovery from bipolar illness. As I have seen her in a very bad way, and been her friend over 20 years, and I conveniently live in Vancouver, I got elected to talk a bit about the difference between then and now. Frankly, she’s not the same person, and everybody’s really happy about that, especially Elly.
Recovery from mental illness is not always possible. It is not easy to have enough insight to start working on it. Step one, take responsibility for it. Step two, learn to cope with stress and learn what your triggers are. Step three, eatrightexercisemeditate&sleep. Step four, let people into your life who support your recovery with open arms, and move away from people who don’t support your recovery – without taking on a big load of grief or guilt. Rinse. Repeat. The steps are simple. Doing it is backbreaking work. I’d like to point out the link to her website here, commercial plug.
The energy level, sincerity and professionalism of the VFS students making the film was a palpable thing – I got a contact high hanging out with them.

And one of them showed me a Youtube video he made. It was SO GOOD! I think I’ll watch it again. It’s called Making me Nervous, and the band is called Brad Sucks.

Seven deadly sentiments

I plead guilty to some of these.

No 1…. check.  I occasionally react with revulsion and startlement to disfigured people.  I usually control my reaction reasonably fast.  But I am not cheerful with my attitude.

No 2…. nope.  I like going to funerals because they are usually fun.  Especially when she’s over 90 and kicked ass.

No 3.  Schadenfreude? I recollect a conversation in which I was the only person at the table who pleaded guilty.  My goodness, I lower the tone sometimes.

No 4.  Playing favourites with the kids.  Because my kids have different interests and abilities, I have always, from day 1, treated them differently.  I don’t think I play favourites, but they might.

No 5.  Weighing the wallet.  People who are broke and self-actualized have higher status with me than wealthy emotional deadbeats.  But I am middle class, and sometimes I have to tease apart the notion of worth from the notion of flushness.  Specially if I’m ‘specting you to buy lunch.

No 6.  Thank God it’s finally over.  I figured, on the basis of what my GF Tammy said, that I’d be prostrate with grief from my split with Paul.  I moved out the beginning of May and I have had three twinges and one crying jag… and the crying jag was about the house, not him.  I’m not sorry I had children with him, but I had NO CLUE how relieved I’d be when I didn’t have to live with him any more.  He’s not malicious, stupid, dishonest, addicted or lazy – quite the contrary.  I’m just not his flavour any more, and vice versa.  So yeah, I’m guilty of the not crying when maybe I ought to, but as a kindly relative remarked, I did a lot of grieving before I ever closed that door.

No 7.  Whee hee, fantasy.  I prefer staying focussed in the moment, with my partner, but that probably has more to do with me being Ye olde school hippye chicke than anything else.

One of you is lying…..or maybe not….

Why do men report more sexual partners than women?

Men report 7 sex partners.  Women report 4.  The math does not add up; somebody is lying.

Waaaal, we lie A LOT about sex in this and all cultures, so let’s follow Darwin’s trail of bread crumbs, and see if we can get to the end before the sparrows eat the evidence….

There are studies that say women lie about their number of sex partners.  A woman has DAMNED good reasons to lie about this, too;  you will have the most sex partners while you are  fertile (on the basis of the stats…), and if you want one guy’s help  (minimum) raising offspring, you have to respect his statistically likely desire not raise other guy’s offspring UNLESS HE VOLUNTEERED.

My life is so full of examples of good step-parents of both sexes that I know the primate drive to extinguish offspring which aren’t yours (we see the results of this crap every day in the headlines and shudder) isn’t hardwired, it’s just more likely to be expressed in the presence of disinhibitors like crack n alcohol.  So the headlines tell me, and the media never lie about crime, do they?

And then there are other studies, which make the numbers so out of whack, that you have to say, Sheeeit!  Tain’t just the wimmenfolk lyin like cheap Caucasian rugs. 

After a brief pause to consider these things, I must insist on dragging my personal experience into it.  I remember driving down the road (ah, the days when I had access to a car!) and hearing some CBC dude talking to some sex expert dude on a radio show, and the end result was that it was clear that Bill Clinton and most teenagers don’t think of oral sex as being sex.  So when you’re adding things up, one might want to have a reality check on what people think they are checking off, on these surveys, when they are talking about ‘sex’.  And I know that if somebody asked me, I would be squirming and saying, well, what do you MEAN by sex?  My answer to that question is possibly not what the survey boffins were thinking about.

and, and and.

I would say that there is a chance there are some same-sex encounters hiding in the male stats.  They are supposed to be talking about women, but I’m sure that’s where some of the exaggeration, possibly a statistically significant amount, is coming from.  Although there are not very many true male bisexuals (they exist, I’ve seen them) because most of the guys who are ‘bi’ are queer and not too fussy (I’m sorry, that’s a harsh thing to say) or are straight and working through abuse issues, there are a startling number of men having sex with men and staying reeeeeal quiet about it because the social blowback from being found out gay if you’ve been playing the “We have a great marriage and three wonderful children” game is violent and permanent.

I also think that not a statistically significant number of sex trade workers is being included in the studies.

So the next time you  hear about this big gender disparity between the sexes about ‘how much sex’, remember that virtually all of the difference can be accounted for by prostitution, and there’s probably other stuff in there muddying up the data.

Bridge report

I’m wearing fancy underwear, and you’re likely not.

Oh, is this thing on?  Tap tap tap.

http://www.islandparkcamera.com/index.htm

The above noted link is a webcam to where a bridge will be removed and replaced in 14 hours, someplace in Ottawa.  Link from Spence via Deb.  Here is a delightful excerpt from Deb’s email…

Dear Allegra:

On the subject of bridges … did you hear about this.  Tonight at 8:00 p.m. Ottawa time (it’s 6:41 pm now (actually it’s 7:55 there now so the fun will commence any minute)), the Queensway will be closed.  The bridge at Island Park will be removed using some engineering wonder from Europe and a new bridge put in its place.  I think the whole operation will take 14 hours.  First time this equipment has been used in North America!!

Jim and Spence (may they be blessed) are so excited.  Spence suggested Jim and I take our folding chairs down and watch this magnificent event.  Oh, by the way, don’t ask men “… so where will they put the old bridge until they can break it into small pieces and take it away OR if they put this bridge on the ground to break it up mightn’t it cause the ground under it to collapse.” because the answer I got was an exasperated “you’re missing the whole point”.

Amen, sister….. Missing the point is my SPECIALTY.  Because I’m a gurl.

Science pick up lines

– Oooh, your IQ is 145? I like ’em beautiful and dumb!

– By looking at you I can tell you’re 36-25-36 which, by the way, are all perfect squares.

– According to the second law of thermodynamics, you’re supposed to share your hotness with me.

– I wish I was your differential, because then I’d be touching all your curves.

– But enough about me, let’s talk about mu.

– What say we skip this nerd-fest and hit an all-night symposium on Euclidean Geometry?

(Stolen from Scienceblogging….)