Category: Whining

New poem – the sieve

This is not a suicide note:
I’d bang on my brother’s door and waken him
rather than leave him my corpse ***on purpose***
ew, I mean, ew

my consciousness wrote the suicide note to you
but the smelly part is still here

I know that my procession
through these eroded markers
was foretold
but the weeping was tiresome
and I had no patience with the acidic streams
for – did you know – your tears become more basic
over the course of the day, and it’s 2 am here

I pull a stray hair out of my mouth and continue
in the present tense
<<< fly back and forth
destroyers of narrative >>>
I cry as if I could be cleansed
rather than imprisoned
behind bars of vapour

quit potchkying around and write this damned thing

it is my salute to those I love who live still
and everything they taught me, all of which
I will take with me to my niche
in the columbarium
for everything I’ve learned is nothing
compared to what is coming
it’s the brutal and the lucky
who will live
another sieve for humanity

I passed through one, today
Most days I don’t know
how close I came

but I do today

two whole errands

well three with the cat food

we left the house two whole times yesterday and at four o’clock I said something along the lines of being an old crock who can’t deal with errands

6392 words on Part II

New song in the works. I left it for a day and it was still there when I went back, and it’s also completely different to what I normally do (guitar base). I think it’s going to be a song about the dead, for Halloweeeeeen but I don’t know for sure.

This morning on facebook our dear friend Jan from the Junction showed a picture of an egg salad sandwich from a gas station which had an expiry date of OCTOBER 23 today is thE 14TH do you think egg salad lasts that long? I don’t. Bleaurgh. Futurama meme check. (A truck stop egg salad sandwich causes the character Fry on Futurama to er…. see the episode Parasites Lost,  it has much hilarity.

While making a pit stop at an interstellar truck stop, Fry buys and eats an extremely old egg salad sandwich from a vending machine in the restroom. On returning to Earth, Fry and Bender are assigned the task of fixing the plasma fusion boiler, which promptly explodes. Bender is not damaged, but Fry is impaled by a large pipe. Despite the severity of the injury, Fry’s damaged body repairs itself in seconds and the subsequent medical examination reveals to the Planet Express crew that Fry is infested with microscopic worms from the egg salad.)

Thinking this morning…

Yeah when I just-about-mortally-wounded one of the MCs in ‘UPSUN – Sweep Off Those Waves’ my beta reader (my mother) said, ‘BUT SHE GETS BETTER RIGHT?’ and there I was forced to invent a whole new branch of alien medicine to fix her….and yes I am aware how ableist this is. Ableism is proving to be tougher to eradicate in my thought processes than racism and heteronormativity. And she’s not fixed. When someone commits an act of misogynistic terror on you, you don’t just ‘get better’.

 

but everything is going great

 

 

 

yah, that blog post heading is a line from one of my songs.

the line before it is: Sure, the world is sliding into a pit. That’s from “The Evening News” which I wrote in Montréal and is generally considered to be one of my finest tunes (the guy I took the music course from and Paul both agree).

Suzanne dropped by yesterday with a sunflower in one hand (currently brightening the kitchen) and a beige lace tablecloth (now on Granny’s dining room table) in the other and she picked up the camera set from her dead friend Richard since I couldn’t sell it on Craigslist … and so it doesn’t matter when she shows up she brings a little happiness.

I’m still thinking about Marcel the Shell with Shoes On. I think the jumping spiders are just about the cutest animated critters I’ve ever seen. I just loved that movie.

Buster seems completely healed up. When I think how much blood was on him when he showed up on the 8th it seems miraculous.

My mood isn’t bad but I don’t really feel like moving. Practiced yesterday, sent some words to mOm (which reminds me, 6012 words on part II). Watched Sharpe’s Rifles (the first Sharpe) yesterday; Jeff dl’d a simple wonderful copy. The music though is gross. Electric guitar and French horn need a lighter hand than either of the men credited with the music could supply.

I’m supposed to get Alex on Friday.

Candles up for Jessica’s (Katie’s best friend’s) dad, who’s languishing at RCH with MRSA and he can’t get his heart operated on until he throws the infection, minimum two weeks. Katie’s liable to burst into tears at the thought; he’s been a kindly hardworking lovely human for more than half her life and she’s terrified he’ll die.

Thinking about Foreshore Restaurant for Brekky.

 

who was in the yard

I could hear stuff getting moved around but I can’t tell whose yard the noise was really in. Half expecting to see Paul’s canoe gone when the daylight arrives.

Jeff got sammiches for supper, they were nommy. Turns out that the corned beef on rye being terrible was just that one time, it was fabulous last night.

Particulates still moderately crappy today.

Heard from Mike; he’s hoping to get some shit done and drop by later today. I’m hoping  it’s nice enough to drink beer and eat burgers on the back deck.

No sign of Buster. Jeff keeps checking up on him and he’ll probably end up at the vet.

I’m semi-participating in Jeff’s SG-1 rewatch. I keep singing to myself while doing it (I wrote A LOT OF FILK SONGS FOR THAT FANDOM Y’ALL) but not aloud, Jeff does not favour me bursting into song while I’m sitting right next to him.

5217 words on Part II, got my guitar and mandolin and ukulele practice in as well. Got the tablecloth down on the living room table again, thanks Suzanne for pitching it in the wash.

Kerch Strait Bridge blowed up (in part) the day after Putin’s birthday – I thought it was the day of, but no, so I’m issuing a correction, mOm. Constructed in 2016 after the First Ukraine War as the dirty-colonial-resource-extraction-megaproject-thumbprint of the New Russian Empire, (V Putin Proprietor), the bridge was the longest in Europe, a technical triumph and a hated symbol throughout Ukraine of Russia’s aggression.

Fixing it is going to be interesting; the Russians didn’t have anyone shooting at them during the construction the first time but they will not have any such assurance as they try to reconstruct, and they have to, because they can’t pull cherries and grain and other stolen agricultural products out of the countryside if they don’t.  (Crimean agriculture despite everything had a bumper crop this year.) Anyway, expect more stuff to blow up. The Russians have got one lane (with crazy amounts of security) on the car side going, or will soon, but the rail line is apparently going to be tougher.

Ukrainian authorities are openly mocking the Russians on social media…. it’s savage and entirely deserved. An example of press coverage. Obviously someone knew about this destruction way in advance if they planned a stamp.

walked with Paul, fed him lunch

Then walked to and from the pharmacy to get my booster for COVID. Everything went very smooth. Stopped at the Liquor store that’s just opened up the street from the pharmacy and got Fat Tug and drank THREE of them and enjoyed that so much I picked up a guitar and started practicing afterwards.

Weather has been wonderful, smoke from fires variable, lower today.

Slept exceedingly well, woke up this morning with my arm sore af, (no surprise there, almost everyone reports it, and it’s sore right up to the side of my neck) but I can also tell that this will lift over the course of the day. And I walked a whole bunch more, on concrete, yesterday, so my legs and ankles are whining.

That picture of Neptune, whoooooeee.

Jeff is taking me to IHOP this morning.

Look what arrived in my mailbox this mornin’ SQUEE > Book*hug preview.

Russian women are being comforted regarding overseas vacations that they can now no longer take their husbands on, since men 18-60 are subject to an international travel ban, with the deathless advice “Swap him for your granny”.

They can ATTEMPT to mobilize 300K new recruits but since the Russian military has already demonstrated that it doesn’t have enough UNIFORMS, RIFLES, FOOD, FUEL AND AMMO for the men it’s already putting in harm’s way in Ukraine, I don’t know what will happen. Russian client states are getting restless; Azerbaijan has already started a brush fire war against Armenia. 300 people dead already, both sides pointing fingers for the continuous breaking of the cease fire.

A couple of kudos overnight, 160 hits on the new story.

Sunday roundup

  • Paul’s in Seattle. He drove himself. There will be a family council (we hope) when he returns.
  • Typhoon Merbok is screwing up coastal Alaska
  • The gyrations involved in getting Trump squared up for his ‘day in court’ continue. His most recent legal beagle asked for three million dollars cash up front and as I said on Twitter, the lawyer is still going to get his ass cheated off his body.
  • Mass graves continue to be discovered in Eastern Ukraine. Putin and his wolf pack have a lot to answer for. India and China are pulling away from him, except insofar as whatever they can pick off what’s looking like a particularly unappetizing piece of global carrion.
  • 13368 words on Landslide, 4197 on Totally Boned
  • I’m incubating a couple of poems, more when I actually figure out why I want to use heavily charged and coded words and even more when I write them. I think one of them wants to be a very dry list of my mental health symptoms
  • Almost 600 Americans are still dying every day from COVID. It’s the second highest reported cause of death in the US this week. BC reported infections and rate of infections are currently dropping, and about 200 people a week are catching it, with a very low death rate. Whether we’ll ever get anything but nonsense and bluster out of BC for the mass disabling event that is COVID is an open question; Keith thinks it’s a possibility and as a family we’re thinking of all getting tested.
  • Alex comes today, still don’t know exactly when.
  • There is a memorial for Queen Elizabeth in Queen’s Park in New Westminster at 1 pm today. I will not be there, I merely note its existence
  • Twitter is full of Brits queuing to file past the Queen. Out of towners who don’t give a shit about the monarchy are also complaining about getting stuck in traffic and the idea of voluntarily driving around London the weekend before they plant the HRH is ludicrous to me.
  • Hungary’s getting subsidy money from the EU cut because they’re a bunch of anti abortion, anti gay, corrupt fuckwits. We’re talking billions of Euros. The poor of Hungary will hurt the most, as always.
  • QUIT FEEDING THE GODDAMNED BEARS North Vancouver I am looking at you; do you suppose the conservation officers ENJOY SHOOTING BEARS I can tell you to your face they don’t, ya collection of buhs.
  • To recap: Buh is the bih-bah word that substitutes for crazy. Crazy isn’t acceptable. Buh covers: disgusting (stop being a goddamned sex pest, I don’t want to see your penis or your ass, or hear about what you want to do to me while you drive by in your best friend’s car), dirty (please maintain basic hygiene), dangerous (please do not jump onto moving cars, please do not drive cars impaired, please do not aim your car at protesters or tourists), bothersome (please leash/muzzle your pet and don’t run air tools at 3 am, please do not pull the panic stop on Skytrain for no reason, please drink/toke/inject responsibly, please wear a mask), noisy (keep it under 65 dB f’Chrissakes), wilfully destructive (seems obvious) and violent (why are you knifing me).
  • ‘Confess Fletch’ with Jon Hamm is entertaining as hell, great script, laughed my ass off. Also sticks the landing in 90 – all action movies and comedies should try to get in at 90. I’ll give superhero movies an extra half for all the eyecandy bloody CGI

metformin, coffee and a short walk

The foregoing combination was poopulous.

CONTENT WARNING POOP

Fortunately I had my grandson Alex with me (full of Tim Horton’s finest) and he said that there were no brown stains, so I made it home without public embarrassment, just that drawn face and awkward gait that accompanies an er accidental blowout. I’m only sharing this so my mOm can smile sadly and nod. Getting old BLOWS I tell ya. I knew better, and got coffee anyway. On the plus side, I managed to avoid pooping myself until AFTER I picked up the amlodipine at the drugstore. So I managed to run an errand AND poop myself this morning, go me…..

TIME TO DO LAUNDRY well it was anyway but NOW IT’S REALLY TIME TO DO LAUNDRY

Did I ever tell you about the time I pooped my pants on the transit in Montreal? This would have been when I was in my thirties…. it’s a sad and smelly tale with a happy ending.

2238 words

 

JUST TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER, here are all the comments (all of them) for my “Accidental Mr. Right” destiel story. Look at all the strangers I made happy!

I really really liked it

This was…. everything :}

Another lovely story. Thank you for sharing.

This was absolutely fantastic. Xx

You made me cry

Amazing!!! This was fabulous and I plan on reading it again so that I can take it all in. I loved the internal monologue from both boys and I was ready to cry both when Cas went back to Georgia and when he came back to Dean. THAT SIGN AT THE AIRPORT!! Great job, thanks for sharing.

This was GORGEOUS

Your stories contain some of the absolute best banter I have ever read, ever. Coupled with the sweetness and cuddling and softness, the wit and cleverness works so, so well. One million kudos to you, lovely.

This was so good! I loved it.

Do you know how adorable this is?!?!?!?!? Do you?!?!?!? Because I loved every tooth-rotting fluffy moment of it, from the gorgeous start to the fantastic finish. This is the perfect combo of angst, thickheaded characters, fluff, and pure unadulterated love. I almost wish I could go back in time just to appreciate this from the very beginning.

Holy mother fucking shit. That was so BEAUTIFUL! Everything about it! Beautifully paced, beautifully written, beautifully characterised! I can’t get over it. So many moments made me gasp and made my heart flood with emotion! ‘The love of my life’ what a perfect realisation for the two of them! And it was truly written as a love story. I could see them truly being in love and not just ‘here’s two hot guys. Now they’re fucking!’ I can’t get over this. I’m going to reread it so much!

aaaaaaaa this was wonderful!!! I love the characterization!!!!

Very nice!

Those adorable dummies! Their banter is just perfect, especially at the diner at the beginning, comparing views on politics and sports and religion. I’d kill to write so well!

I loved this

This was very sweet. ??

lots on my mind

  1. much of it isn’t my story, so I sit by the side of the road
  2. Housefilk has been moved up to today. I wish I could stop feeling this bleak – Jeff got me CHEESE SCONES and COFFEE and both are excellent.
  3. weather remains fine
  4. The Russians keep providing the Ukrainians with proof of war crimes and the fact nobody on the Russian side seems to care indicates that they don’t actually believe any international justice apparatus will still be standing when they’re done.
  5. At this point I think we’ve got about 6 months left of ‘normal’ so it’s time to batten down. Start keeping more cash on hand, among other things.
  6. Anne Heche died of her injuries. Addiction is a terrible thing. I hope her kids have people they can trust with them and aren’t exposed to too much vileness. IN DECEMBER 2022 IT WAS REVEALED SHE DIDN’T HAVE ANY DRUGS OR ALCOHOL IN HER SYSTEM.  Lesson… don’t speculate on CoD until the coroner rules.
  7. preparations for camping trip have commenced – I need to find Jim E’s old camping list. Suzanne has already told me to expect to do as much driving as I can stand because ‘she wants to look at the view’ and I am HERE for that.
  8. off to Victoria soon for a flying visit more deets later
  9. I am hoping for a breakthrough on totally boned so I guess I’ve got a date with some 3×5 cards current count is 1663

  10. allegra sloman 13/8/2022 ‘Doing it badly’

Suzanne has been here

  1. The Enshinening has occurred, the kitchen rugs are clean again.
  2. Finished the Sandman. After one horrible episode in the middle it got WAY better again and I loved the last two eps for this season.
  3. YAY we get to watch more Shetland, because there is more.
  4. Having lots of insomnia.
  5. Steve Bannon says that ‘the Deep State may try to assassinate President Trump’
  6. LOL
  7. The documents the FBI was looking for at Mar-a-Lago had to do with American nuclear secrets.
  8. The internet is ablaze with the notion that it was Melania who turned him in.
  9. Sadly, the picture of Melania standing over Ivana’s grave is photoshopped. I almost fell for it.
  10. 1594 words. Suzanne got her copy of the first 6 chapters of ‘Totally Boned’. She’s four chapters in and loving it so far.
  11. Spoke to Mike yesterday. His 36 year old boss dropped dead while on vacation and his only remaining report’s niece just died in a brutal car crash that orphaned her 10 year old son, so abruptly Mike’s answering the phones again which he swore he would not do. Christ knows when he’ll catch a break.
  12. Enjoy the following anecdote.
  13. man shoots himself in head
  14. “Health is the finest thing for mortals the second finest is to bear noble children, third to win riches without fraud, and fourth to be young among one’s friends.” Not 100 percent sure but I think that’s Plutarch.
  15. I feel sad and have no reason to.

Does the dog die

  1. that is the name of a website. People are sensitive about animal loss. I told a bunch of people on reddit that the dog DOESN’T die in the new Predator series movie, “Prey” and my inbox this morning is full of thanks and praise for saying so.
  2. Time to brush my teeth and have a shower.
  3. Burnaby is going to have a festival of glowing pumpkins, 6000 of the hand carved suckers. Once we hit August it’s all Halloween all the time around here.
  4. Somebody must have put one of my stories on a list; one particular fanfic is getting all the attention these days. It’s an okay story, it’s got pacing issues.
  5. Still no joy on Part II of current story. Some extension of a fanfic.
  6. We’ve now blown through 1000 cases of MPX in Canada. It was 957 on the 5th August, what do you think?
  7. Can’t raise Mike, his phone doesn’t seem to be working.
  8. Lovely walk with Jeff in the morning, it wasn’t TOO hot. Actually walked up the hill with some speed instead of puffing and blowing and pausing the entire way.
  9. Hexavalent chromium spill into the Huron River, which would impact the drinking water of millions of people, is getting zero airplay / pixels / print space in the media. Hexavalent chromium, necessary (they say) for many industrial processes, is the single most toxic form of chromium. Staring at my Toronto friends hey you might want to move before it’s in the drinking water of Toronto in Lake Ontario.
  10. Made Jeff peppermint tea and smoked salmon green salad wrap for brekkie.
  11. The Russians have mined the Ukrainian nuclear plant they took over a couple of months back. It is apparently their intention to destroy it.
  12. I have Reddit Cute Animal disease, every time I see a video of a cute critter on Reddit I want to run out and buy it. Today’s heart-eyes – hognosed snake.
  13. Did not practice yesterday, but at least all the instruments are in the same room again.
  14. “Reddit Double Shot” – THERAPY and BREAKUPS all ’round. (AITA posts only)
  15. I got the wordle in three tries this morning. However I used a solve site on line to help me once I got to word two.
  16. That doesn’t always work, depends on how common the consonants are.
  17. I am thinking of the time I did the Grouse Grind. It took me 2.5 hours and a single human being lapped me three times; he was wearing nothing but pale metallic blue booty shorts and athletic shoes and carrying a water bottle.
  18. Doug Ford is still an asshole who took four billion dollars from the Feds to fight the pandemic and as far as anyone can tell is obscuring where it’s being spent as fast as his bean counters can hide it.
  19. I have had a poem written for me?!!! Colour me blushy.
  20. And now I shall cease with my morning raving, knowing that my fOlks don’t have internet right now so there’s no point getting this posted before six.
  21. reconnecting with an ex on social media (facebook, I believe I mentioned that I left instagram and climbed back up on facebook) is always fraught with hazard (he was my first bf from around the time the planet cooled) but so far all we’re doing is sighing heavily over what a fucking idiot Roger Waters (OF PINK FLOYD) (he’s FUCKING CAPING FOR THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF CHINA SAYING TAIWAN BE OWNED BY THEM WHICH IS A BIG SURPRISE TO THE PEOPLE WHO FUCKING LIVE THERE) is, and posting youtube memories of songs gone by. Weird to see him all old and bearded though.
  22. and as a visual codaImage

Private post

I just posted something privately to my blog complaining about a life situation that isn’t mine to talk about publicly but that is wrecking me. mOm knows, Jeff knows, I’m not alone but I have many yuccccky feelings.

I owe various people phone calls and wish they’d call me for a change but it’s easily fixed.

I can’t find an online obituary for a friend of mine who died back in 2004/5. So that was depressing.

Today I learned that acrylic nails aren’t just for show. I just learned that a small but vocal subset of acrylic nail wearers USE THEM to help control their OCD, self-picking and trichotillomania symptoms. (They literally can’t pick at their scalps, eyelashes, eyebrows, etc. if they’re wearing them.)  I hate them because I think they’re hideously ugly but now Billie Eilish wearing 7 cm nails all the time makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE and I’m going to stop commenting on this aspect of other women’s appearance. Thank you Reddit.

This is a photograph of UK soldiers from WWII interrupted during rehearsals for a drag show to SHOOT AT NAZIS.

WWII soldiers interrupt rehearsal of drag show to shoot Nazis