slipping away

Poor Paul. He used to sew things, but that hasn’t been for years. Yesterday he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and told me he made it. I told him he hadn’t because he doesn’t handsew seams (all of his sewing was machine sewing) and he got all quiet and sad and I feel – and felt – like a jerk.

Everything else about our walk at Fraser Foreshore was exceedingly pleasant. The chickadees recognized us and put on an aerial display I HAVE NEVER BEFORE WITNESSED.

One of them did a 180 IN FRONT OF MY FACE to get my attention and beg for treats. One landed 4 inches from Paul’s elbow (he got to see it). And one of them flew into a tree and deliberately grabbed a branch with one claw and swung upside down to impress me.

You have never heard a white woman apologize so hard to anyone. ‘I AM SO SORRY I BROUGHT NO SUNFLOWER SEEDS I AM BAD’

After we picked up more coloured markers for Alex and Keith fed me a salami and swiss bagel for lunch.

Katie gave me a ride with Alex back to my place and currently he’s wrapped himself like a blanket burrito. He’ll awaken in an hour or so and then we can walk to Timmy Ho’s.

god this is hard

Well I committed an emotional mistake in front of my grandson tonight and I’ll be lucky if I haven’t scarred him for life. Anyway I decided to show him video of what his mum looked like when she was Riker’s age and there is actually video of her, she didn’t get completely eaten by second baby syndrome and not have any pictures. He got to see John when he was slender and hirsute, and then there was Kaitlyn as a toddler and then Grandma Caspell. I backed out of that and then we watched Keith jump out of an aircraft in a tandem jump – had a video taken as a souvenir, and that was awesome, although thanks to the swipe of the passing breeze across his brow his expression was not always as dignified as he might have preferred in retrospect.

He got to see how red and enormous his mother’s infantile hemangioma was – and how it completely vanished. I had a hemangioma when I was born too.

Then I found the video, before in the brilliant sunshine taking off from Lake Weslemkoon, and after, of the crash at Buttonville Airport that nearly took the lives of Paul, Wally Solotow, me and both the kids – Katie in utero.

Hearing my own voice as Paul took video of the crashed aircraft at the darkened side of the runway, calmly saying that Keith took no permanent harm and that if he was experiencing discomfort he’d be crying, put me in no stable state of mind. I’m fine and I’ll be fine since I have a minor child in the house but I IMMEDIATELY changed the name of the file so I never have to watch it again without a goddamned content warning. Bugger me but that was awful. Of course I knew then that Paul was taking video, but the great river of time had released me from that memory, and now I was watching the lopsided aircraft in the terrible light and there it was in realtime.

I ordered mickey d’s for supper for Alex and then forgot to order Jeff’s burger.

8520 words

didn’t get the wordle this morning

sigh

whiplash feels

Woke up and immediately started weeping about the state of the world; sought to distract myself with internet, checked my email and there was a blessed message from Alex the Gamer via his mother, indicating that he desired to hang out here and have an overnight. Maybe he only cares about the donuts in the morning but apparently I’m the one he wants to see. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have two sets of grandparents close by when I was growing up. I hope I help make him so many happy memories that they all start to blur together.

I need to put together some activities for him, I was very low energy the last time he was here.

Drought in the US is very concerning for food supplies across the planet. I imagine many domestic animals will a) not be purchased, because there’s no fodder and b) be slaughtered early because there’s no fodder. Meat prices have no option but to rise.

Managed the wordle in four this morning – without cheating.

The ladies who lunch and love Dunnett are being quite clear in their comms regarding a Dunnett lunch this year… Zoom or a breezy warmed patio to eat. One said that COVID is still happening no matter what politicians and pundits want you to believe, and she’s quite right. I await the decision of the group. I’m kinda hoping for a patio, but you know me, any chance of a trough and brew and I shake off my bleak rationalizations and get in a cab.

8267 words on Part II.

Jeff got me a two salads a burger and a shake last night. It was very good to eat.

Good morning to everyone except the woman who threatened to call the police on a man taking his daughter to the women’s washroom at Walmart. (someplace in the states).

Steve Bannon got four months. As an abolitionist I can’t approve. As a human being with a wilderness of conflicting political trends inside me, I hope he uses the opportunity for reflection, perhaps some self-improvement.

 

visiting

Keith is with the grands, and I’m sure they are happy to have him. I know he was really looking forward to the visit.

it’s an old pic of him but it’s one of my faves

woke up to 11 (Kingdom of Jesus!!) messages from Reddit but they all turned out to be people agreeing with me so that was okay.

It’s so hot and dry, I pray for no urban fires here in Vancouver. Hottest October 15 since they started keeping records.

7402 words on Part II

I send love and possibility to you all this morning; me, I plan to destroy Jeff’s calm by continuing to pick out the Elementary theme by Sean Callery on my ukulele, repeatedly; mebbe do some laundry, pick up some more meds, work on reading some non-fiction, and layabout moaning gently.

 

consequences

Geologic time is now.

Putin’s raining down destruction on civilian infrastructure in Kyiv; parks and places children play. Lovely. Also, and this is a first, the Russians have turned off ALL THEIR AVIATION TRANSPONDERS. So unless you’re watching from space you have no idea where the aircraft are going. No bueno.

Mike called around 2:30. Work is coming to a head (he predicts his dismissal with a package from the company IMMINENTLY) and he just couldn’t get away. Jeff still got us burgers and shakes from White Spot, and they were fantastic, exactly what I was craving.

Ryker is sick again (a cold) so no family Thanksgiving this year. I’m just as happy about that, actually.

An academic in Turku has asked people who are destiel fans why they be fans, so I answered.

Buster, while far from completely recovered, has returned to his normal routine. He won’t be allowed out until he’s healed up.

visitation dream

I dream but never remember, so waking up with a dream is a good thing.

Jeff and I were living in an old house full of beautiful panelling. A whole bunch of guys appeared IN OUR HOUSE as if they were having a meeting. They were all settled in with their papers on their knees and joshing with each other the way people do before they settle in to business, I said, “Well you’ve come to the wrong house, I’ve got COVID, you all have to leave.” Then I realized it was ALL guys from Beacon, and one of them was Tom. He gave me an amused but guilty look. There were a couple of other of Beacon’s dead there too, so I got a package deal. Hi Dennis, Hi Ralph. You were so loved.

So the visitation dream is me kicking Tom out from a church meeting because I’ve got COVID. We never spoke, but you don’t normally in visitation dreams. I find it really weird that I wrote that poem the Sad Enterprise and a day later, boom. We’re coming up on the anniversary of his death. The anniversary of his diagnosis has come and gone.

Did a load of laundry and ran the dishwasher, did a shop, worked on The Sword That Cries Ruin! Got the wordle in three tries today. I can sort of feel my brain under all the cottonwool.

I said it on twitter

As my dear old Onty Mary says, “I’ll quit wearing a mask and self-isolating when they quit trying to kill me.” Closest I’ve been to her in three years was 3 m and we were both masked.

This in response to a friend IRL commenting on the events she is not participating in because of the cavalier attitude of the organizers towards masks.

Now I know Mary never said those exact words, but the sense is correct.

Eggs over easy on sourdough muffins for brekky. NOM

 

another perfect day

Around noon went for a walk with Paul in Everett Crowley Park. First we drove all over hell’s half acre trying to find a decent parking spot at one of the usual parks. That’s how we ended up on the garbage dump park. It’s a good place to go if YOU NEED TO PET SOME DOGGIES. I got very very tired and couldn’t walk any farther very fast. Then we got home and I nuked up some chicken vegetable rice for Paul, and then he hung around. I did his toenails (they weren’t scandalous, like the last time, but they needed to be done). Then I checked my blood pressure which was 105 over 71.

Morty Face by KushMastaFresh on DeviantArt

This is 30 points lower than normal. What in the actual hell is going on. I don’t actually feel good at that blood pressure – I sure don’t feel like DOING anything. Picture shown above is Morty, from the sci-fi animated modern classic Rick & Morty. It’s okay fOlks! you are not expected to watch it or like it; it has machine gun delivery of multiple concepts, not always in the best of taste (that’s one way of putting it, check that face shown above). But I love Morty because he’s grown a spine over the last seasons.

Paul long-term-loaned me John’s resonator guitar.  <—- this after he realized at Peggy’s that he can’t even pull a guitar out of a case without fighting it. I have to add a string but it looks like all the bottle slides I bought attracted a guitar I can use them on. They’re the kind of guitar with a big perforated metal plate attached where the soundhole usually is.

Mike called and released himself from self-jail; he brought his unbelievably sweet new parlour guitar and played nothing but songs Paul knew, which was deft of him, because Paul has happy and enthusiastic about singing along.  He also gave Paul the long anticipated tour of the Delica. Long about five I kicked Paul out (nicely) but he got to have all that social contact and stay the hell out of his own house for the afternoon, which has a crying baby in it. Ryker has a cold and he freaks out when he can’t breathe and so there is much screaming. STILL NO FUNCTIONING FREEZER AT PAUL’S PLACE!! JFC landscum, you need a blunt punt.

above-noted picture is almost 15 years old. That’s Mike and Paul at a minimalist costume party, back in the day

I had ONE Fat Tug last night ENJOY MY ABSTEMIOUSNESS.

Mike finally got to look at Suzanne’s friend Richard’s bag of photography equipment. JFC IT’S A NIKON FE an absolute classic manual camera with one of the first built in digital light meters. AND THE MANUALS for it and the lenses. Cash on the barrelhead it’s worth no less than $250, but Mike doesn’t want it because he’s not a Nikon user. I am currently considering my options, but I think I’ll advise Suzanne before taking action.

Spoke to Keith on the phone. He appears to be doin’ okay.

Currently running a 12% kudos to hit ratio on Landslide – the number’s actually going up. This never happens so I’m finding it weird.

Found out that the Seagull (the one that isn’t Smokey) was put away in E minor tuning so I noodled away on that for a while and I think I may have the core melody of some soundtrack stuff.

Mike said he used to wear a special watch with a pulse ox monitor but he said he had to stop, since it kept telling him that he was dead every night. (Thought pOp would find this amusing.) It came with his new Samsung phone. His new Samsung phone is incredible, the camera alone is goggleworthy. I don’t care, I’ll probably get a simple-phone if I ever live alone again but I’m never having a cell phone again, otherwise.

Mike says his project – his Sisyphean work project – six times now he’s tried to set up a customer service department off shore and six times an internal shift in priorities has moved it. It was in Spain, it was in the US. It was in Costa Rica. This time he just sent his luckless lead tech into the mouth of a typhoon in the Philippines. Anyway, he hopes he survives all the corporate bullcrap long enough to get laid off, with a package, (word is as a French company they’re used to making big payouts to make employees who are now surplus to requirements GO AWAY) and then he’s going to take the Delica and drive across this country and dip a toe in the Arctic and Atlantic oceans. Please let me know if you want him to come visit you after he’s laid off, because he IS AWESOME. HE’S SERIOUSLY THE BEST.

Jeff keeps having interesting dreams. I imagine I dream every night, but I sure don’t remember them. I guess I keep it all for waking life.

Then, a stunning variety of products, after which we watched Everything Everywhere All At Once, which is a good movie to watch while impaired, and Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan, Stephanie Hsu and James Hong are absolutely amazing in this. I believe I raved about it on my blog the first time we watched it, but it really is a trip to set a wildly inventive and ecstatic movie amid the drab exigencies of Chinese immigrant life. Mike was impressed as hell and said some variant of (with amusement), “It’s a damned good thing they’re speaking mostly Mandarin, if it was Cantonese it would be triggering.” This with respect to the ghastly way Michelle Yeoh’s character treats Stephanie Hsu’s character in the movie. THEN I FOUND OUT THAT Yeoh, Quan and Hsu are going to be a family again in a Disney action comedy tv show? WHO’S WRITING, ALLEGRA YELLS & chomps popcorn impatient-wise.

At some point Mike went home. IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE HIM.

Worked hard on Totally Boned yesterday; couldn’t stay hydrated. Didn’t practice enough. That will change lol. I need to drink 16 oz of water RIGHT NAOW

I had another perfect day, y’all. I’ll be checking my blood pressure again for sure though. Whatever is wrong with me, it can’t kill my good mood.

update

14522 final count on Landslide; I just posted it to AO3.

pOp fell and doesn’t want to go to hospital and I don’t blame him. Getting old sucks but he’s not alone in feeling that way. mOm’s going to try to take his bp with the new machine.

Mike’s been having a terrible terrible time with insomnia. He went on an apartment cleaning spree to try to feel a bit better in hopes he can sleep.

Sunday roundup

  • Paul’s in Seattle. He drove himself. There will be a family council (we hope) when he returns.
  • Typhoon Merbok is screwing up coastal Alaska
  • The gyrations involved in getting Trump squared up for his ‘day in court’ continue. His most recent legal beagle asked for three million dollars cash up front and as I said on Twitter, the lawyer is still going to get his ass cheated off his body.
  • Mass graves continue to be discovered in Eastern Ukraine. Putin and his wolf pack have a lot to answer for. India and China are pulling away from him, except insofar as whatever they can pick off what’s looking like a particularly unappetizing piece of global carrion.
  • 13368 words on Landslide, 4197 on Totally Boned
  • I’m incubating a couple of poems, more when I actually figure out why I want to use heavily charged and coded words and even more when I write them. I think one of them wants to be a very dry list of my mental health symptoms
  • Almost 600 Americans are still dying every day from COVID. It’s the second highest reported cause of death in the US this week. BC reported infections and rate of infections are currently dropping, and about 200 people a week are catching it, with a very low death rate. Whether we’ll ever get anything but nonsense and bluster out of BC for the mass disabling event that is COVID is an open question; Keith thinks it’s a possibility and as a family we’re thinking of all getting tested.
  • Alex comes today, still don’t know exactly when.
  • There is a memorial for Queen Elizabeth in Queen’s Park in New Westminster at 1 pm today. I will not be there, I merely note its existence
  • Twitter is full of Brits queuing to file past the Queen. Out of towners who don’t give a shit about the monarchy are also complaining about getting stuck in traffic and the idea of voluntarily driving around London the weekend before they plant the HRH is ludicrous to me.
  • Hungary’s getting subsidy money from the EU cut because they’re a bunch of anti abortion, anti gay, corrupt fuckwits. We’re talking billions of Euros. The poor of Hungary will hurt the most, as always.
  • QUIT FEEDING THE GODDAMNED BEARS North Vancouver I am looking at you; do you suppose the conservation officers ENJOY SHOOTING BEARS I can tell you to your face they don’t, ya collection of buhs.
  • To recap: Buh is the bih-bah word that substitutes for crazy. Crazy isn’t acceptable. Buh covers: disgusting (stop being a goddamned sex pest, I don’t want to see your penis or your ass, or hear about what you want to do to me while you drive by in your best friend’s car), dirty (please maintain basic hygiene), dangerous (please do not jump onto moving cars, please do not drive cars impaired, please do not aim your car at protesters or tourists), bothersome (please leash/muzzle your pet and don’t run air tools at 3 am, please do not pull the panic stop on Skytrain for no reason, please drink/toke/inject responsibly, please wear a mask), noisy (keep it under 65 dB f’Chrissakes), wilfully destructive (seems obvious) and violent (why are you knifing me).
  • ‘Confess Fletch’ with Jon Hamm is entertaining as hell, great script, laughed my ass off. Also sticks the landing in 90 – all action movies and comedies should try to get in at 90. I’ll give superhero movies an extra half for all the eyecandy bloody CGI

Reasonably active day

I got through a mountain of laundry, including not forgetting to put the last load to dry; ran errands to the library and the weed store (for edibles, trying to cut smoke for my health), and went with Paul to fetch beer from the Independent Alcohol Supplier and schnitzel from Balkan House for supper. Why? because it was his seventy-third birthday yesterday AND AS A SPESH BONUS I got to speak to Ruth, his sister, as she called to wish him a happy happy. LOVELY. She got my facebook coordinates and promised photos of her trip (she was calling from Northern Newfoundland!!)

Katie went off to the coparent’s for the purpose of stuffing supper into Alex. Why? Because the two of them realized that Alex was running both ends against the middle in terms of his food foibles, so they’re introducing new food and working on his texture issues with family meals. (isn’t it interesting that Katie double booked herself for the evening – I do the same thing so often, thank you ADD.) As long as the coparent is being civil Katie just rolls her eyes. Also saw Mike Rykerdad and greeted him, and I don’t know where I got the idear that his mum’s name is Isabel, it’s Christine. Ryker pretty obviously likes his dad just fine. I did get to dandle and play with Ryker, who was in splendid form, and interacted with civility with Alex about Plants vs Zombies and other subjects, including school. Alex is trying is mother’s patience quite a bit these days, but his haircut is awesome.

The fucking landlord over there STILL HAS NOT PROVIDED A FUNCTIONING FRIDGE. The freezer doesn’t come to temp. Knowing that is enraging, we’re going for two weeks now of this bullshit.

Anyway, sorry for that ill-tempered outburst. So it was just me Paul and Keith for dinner over at their place (I made a plate for Jeff from my leftovers and gave him the fresh bread when I got home) and watched an episode of Sean Bean in Sharpe. Then Keith drove me home since Paul doesn’t drive at night these many long years. Keith and I talked about the diagnosis, but no conclusions or action plans resulted.

Jeff and I were still awake so we watched tv for another hour or so and crashed.

Brief visit

Fridge is still busted at Katie’s place – landlord swears he’ll buy and have delivered a new one (old one taken away I expect) since Paul and Keith refuse to move a fridge and it’s the landlord’s job to replace it. Paul is mildly pissed since he spent half a day lining up a good used fridge.

Keith dropped by to return a container which was now full of YUMMY YUMMY lentil stew. Absolutely superlative. That man can cook now.

Enjoying this season of Archer.

3895 words I wanted to see how many bombshells I could deal with in 800 words and Brad has managed to talk Omar into two impossible things before their tea is cold.

The pink dawn faced off the yellow moon and sent it away.

We’re getting smoke from fires in town today – Bowen will be worse if the maps are anything to go by.

It was 20 years ago today
when Buzz Aldrin punched him in the face
And I really really want to say
that he had to be put in his place
So let us all assert for you
Buzz Aldrin landed on the moon and said it was a BEAUTIFUL VIEEEEEEEW

intersectionality is a cognitive aid, a tool, glasses so you can see what is happening

it’s not meant to be gamified by white guys who think that because they live at the corner of Lonesome and Hardup they get an option to score points without flak from the racialised commentariat

many thoughts one result

Jeff is getting me breakfast today.

Yesterday I was not having a good day (mega understatement) and Katie swooped in, baby in tow (Alex was with his pop, who had a workplace injury (he is luckiernshit that he didn’t slice a tendon in his hand and it was his day anyway.) Suzanne came in her own car. Katie researched and located a breakfast/all day joint in Maple Ridge called Big Feast Bistro which serves gluten free. (Suzanne is celiac, which now means all her descendants have to be tested for it too.) She got the maple bacon french toast (gluten free) and Katie got the same thing non gluten free. I got the poached eggs on pulled pork and roasted yam hash (MUCH LOUD PRAISING OF GOD) and Ryker pulled his wonderbaby routine on ANYONE WHO WOULD MAKE EYE CONTACT. We were right next to the bathroom (Jeff knows what I’m like when the caffeine hits, although I was smart and just got tea) and the music wasn’t too loud and it was just wonderful.

THEN we went to Whonnock Beach which is absolutely beautiful and given that it was the Thursday before the LHW you’d think it would be jammed. WELL IT WASN’T. There were MAYBE thirty other families there. Nobody was yelling. It was almost beyond belief in how mellow it is. Babby crawled through sand, used his grandmas (genetically Suzanne isn’t but YOU TRY CONVINCING THEM of that) for furniture, fought his teething pain and sleep with equal facility and was in general our beautiful brown-eyed boy. (who stands two inches taller than babies the same age, he will be MONSTROUS Katie is literally saving money to feed him when he’s a teenager given how he eats now with a terrifying, catholic enthusiasm.) Halfway through an icecream truck with gluten free treats showed up. Shoulda seen Suzanne (her hair is pink right now, and god did she get ROASTED by her brotherinlaw at the property a few weeks back when she was the ONLY one of us getting harassed by wasps) book it to the ice cream truck and come back triumphant with her gluten free mango ice lolly.

KATIE IS THE BEST.

Then I came home, ate the last of the meatball sub Jeff got me day before yesterday, watched a bunch of TV including the latest Shetland, and found out that there’s a prequel series to Mystery Road available and watched the first one of that. It’s beautifully shot.

Still can’t get the alien from ‘Nope’ out of my mind. It’s a shape changer and some of its morphs are crazy beautiful. Also scary af.

I am in a much better mood but when I consider how much work I have to do to get my goods whittled down to a single room in size…. I clench.

Made a snarky remark on a post on Twitter day before yesterday. The s/o of the person I critiqued presented an extremely well reasoned request to kill that remark, so I did. Social media is not making me a better person except perhaps by accident.

Took the RAADS self test – 75 score. Test is at the bottom, here, but read the blurbs first. For autistics by autistics.

 

The ‘many thoughts one result’ = blank stare.

NEED COFFEE

it’s the little things

Paul drove back from Seattle with his girlfriend in tow, didn’t bother to tell the kids first. Well, at least I can scratch that off the list of people Paul must inform. It will be interesting to see which mode of transport she utilizes to go home.

Katie has asked (the way atheists do…) to keep a friend of hers in mind today. If things go well Katie’ll be walking distance from her best friend. Pray your asses off in other words, it would be SO GOOD for her mental health.

2525 words and NOW you’ve got that STUPID song in your head.

I called myself a ragesloth this morning.